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  #181  
Old 02-13-2012, 02:01 PM
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And honestly if the only thing she takes away from this is to be more savvy about privacy settings on FB, that ain't a bad lesson in this day and age.
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  #182  
Old 02-13-2012, 02:46 PM
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I think its possible she came away with a good lesson . . . but I think its likely she learned the following (This is what I think I would have learned):

1) Dad is spying on my Facebook conversations with my friends
2) I need to use privacy settings
3) If Dad finds I'm doing something he doesn't like, he's going to fly off the handle, so I better make sure he doesn't find out
4) Dad has no respect for my belongings
5) I must make all efforts to conceal what I am doing from Dad, see #3.

Other things learned unconsciously:

1) Its ok to destroy things, even valuable things that aren't yours, when you are mad. (It might have been legally his, but I doubt anyone treated it as anything but hers until this happened).
2) If someone you love hurts you, hurt them back.
3) Mutual public humiliation is an ok way for families to interact.

Other than use privacy settings, I'm not sure any of that is really the best things to be teaching your kids.
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  #183  
Old 02-13-2012, 02:58 PM
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Originally Posted by sparks19 View Post
right... everyone needs to vent. that's what my best friend was for and what my diary was for and yes those words would have hurt my moms feelings... but that is VERY different than posting it in public view for all to see. When I was angry at my parents I didn't take out an ad in the paper or hang a big sign in front of my house so all my friends, neighbors and everyone else could see it.
that's essentially what you are doing when you post it on facebook

The dads response was not ideal and I'm sure it was done in pure frustration and in a weak moment.. we all have them. Everyone loses their cool sometimes. But I still think it is possible that a very valuable lesson could have come from this and it's not "daddy is a big meanie".
But you must understand sparks, most kids (and even tons of adults as we can see on facebook with all the 'private' stuff being posted!) use the internet like their personal diary/journal/venting station the same way you and I turned to our best friends when we were that age. They don't stop and think about it reaching hundreds/thousands/possibly millions of people.........another aspect of immaturity. They just want to get it out/vent.

And it's not about thinking 'daddy is a big meanie'...........I didn't take the video as him being a meanie........he IS immature. Period. He cannot expect maturity from a 15-16 year old daughter if he can't display a bit of maturity himself

To the people who've never dealt with teenagers........GOOD LUCK WITH FUTURE ENDEAVORS! LOL Please don't take that condescending, I don't mean it to be. Trust me, before I had them I had very strong ideas on what I would/wouldn't do. Things change when you are here.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilavati View Post
I think its possible she came away with a good lesson . . . but I think its likely she learned the following (This is what I think I would have learned):

1) Dad is spying on my Facebook conversations with my friends
2) I need to use privacy settings
3) If Dad finds I'm doing something he doesn't like, he's going to fly off the handle, so I better make sure he doesn't find out
4) Dad has no respect for my belongings
5) I must make all efforts to conceal what I am doing from Dad, see #3.

Other things learned unconsciously:

1) Its ok to destroy things, even valuable things that aren't yours, when you are mad. (It might have been legally his, but I doubt anyone treated it as anything but hers until this happened).
2) If someone you love hurts you, hurt them back.
3) Mutual public humiliation is an ok way for families to interact.

Other than use privacy settings, I'm not sure any of that is really the best things to be teaching your kids.
Agreed. Especially the bolded parts.........
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  #184  
Old 02-13-2012, 03:14 PM
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Why do you only try a consequence once? When a kid doesn't turn in their homework, they stay after school. The next day they don't magically have their homework because they've learned their lesson and are walking a straight line now. Rather, they end up staying after school for weeks on end until they finally realize they'd rather have their afternoons back.
I got detention after detention for being tardy to school. It never changed me. I see your point.

This is odd. Usually I agree with Lilavati and disagree (rescectfully, ) with Sparks. Odd.
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  #185  
Old 02-13-2012, 03:23 PM
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Originally Posted by AliciaD View Post
I got detention after detention for being tardy to school. It never changed me. I see your point.

This is odd. Usually I agree with Lilavati and disagree (rescectfully, ) with Sparks. Odd.
We're all different people . . . if you always agreed with me, that would be creepy.
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  #186  
Old 02-13-2012, 04:03 PM
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yes I realize I haven't raised any teenagers myself but I have been involved with enough of them in my family and I wasn't one so long ago that I can't remember what being a teenager is like. I remember how I was... and now as an adult I can look back and understand why things happened the way they did. I suspect that will be the case here.

I understand that immature teens don't think about it that way... about it being broadcast to millions of people... but that doesn't mean it is OK.

When Hannah starts using the computer we will make it abundantly clear that there is NO privacy on the computer. not from people around the world and not from us. She can have a diary, she can rely on her friends, she can have privacy in her room but There will NOT be privacy on the internet. We will have access to her accounts and there will be no hiding it or being better at privacy since her daddy's specialty at work IS this sort of thing. there is nothing she can do on the computer at home that we wouldn't be able to see. We can even know what the dog sitter is doing and has been doing on our computer while we are out of town. We can check in on that at any time from anywhere.

That's not a threat to her but it will be made clear to her from day one that this is just going to be part of life until she moves out and is responsible for her own actions. This is not because I don't want her having access to the internet or anything like that. it is not only for her safety (there are a lot of sick people on the internet) but also for the safety of our home computer network. Not only are there a lot of sick people looking to lure kids into trouble but there are also a lot of viruses and various other things that can do real damage to our system too.

I know a lot of people think that is outrageous but I think it's an important lesson better learned early that when it comes to the internet there is NO SUCH THING AS PRIVACY. Not from anyone.

Again that doesn't mean she won't be allowed to do anything or h ave any fun online. she can participate in social media when it's age appropriate (I'm not giving my 8 year old a facebook page LOL), she can have an email address and participate on forums and such. but she will also be well aware that we can see it. It's not an invasion of privacy since there is no such thing as privacy when it comes to the internet. it will just be a fact of life and there are a few good reasons for it and it won't be because we don't trust HER. I will make that fact perfectly clear. Has nothing to do with not trusting HER.

I look at my one neices facebook page and OMG the things she puts on there. address, phone number, she posts other peoples photos and tears them apart, and the things she says OY VEY. At this point now she's 18 and moved out so it's too late now but I remember her being 15 and the stuff on her facebook page was outrageous. starting fights with kids at school that usually escalated into something physical, the language, the attitude... everything about what she posted was WRONG but her parents just let her keep on with it. that's NOT RIGHT!!!! I don't think a 15 year old is entitled to that kind of privacy on a public network that could have real life consequences. Look at all the stories about things posted on facebook that resulted in someones death (whether at their own hands or the hands of someone else). The constant bullying on there. Some crazy stuff goes on on facebook. That's not a facebook issue... that's a parenting issue or a lack there of.

Ok I think I've rambled long enough about nothing.

but yeah in short... your parents seeing something you posted on a public network is NOT snooping nor is it an invasion of privacy. you put it out there for people to see... well they saw it
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  #187  
Old 02-13-2012, 04:06 PM
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Was it truly public though? I thought her father said its was closed and he just was able to access it being in IT? you can control your privacy settings.

Stil think it was a boneheaded move by the daughter...just still think his was just as boneheaded
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  #188  
Old 02-13-2012, 04:11 PM
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Was it truly public though? I thought her father said its was closed and he just was able to access it being in IT? you can control your privacy settings.

Stil think it was a boneheaded move by the daughter...just still think his was just as boneheaded
I don't disagree that he was just as boneheaded. I don't think he's a hero or anything. I think he's just the average parent doing the best he can and sometimes slipping up. I also don't think this is the tragedy in this girls life that everyone seems to be convinced it is. Not here but some of the comments on different news stories are so ridiculous. claiming that because of this she's probably going to grow up to be a prostitute or a drug addict. WHAAAAAA? really?

yes... it's always truly public. you put it online... it's public.you can set your settings to private but it still shows over in the ticker bar on the side of facebook to people who are friends of your friends or your friends friends friends... so to speak lol.

I see people's statuses all the time that I don't have on my friends list and their pages are set to "private". whenever someone on my friends list comments on one of their friends pages... I can see it in the ticker on the side.

not truly private. nothing online ever is
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  #189  
Old 02-13-2012, 04:12 PM
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Originally Posted by sparks19 View Post
y
but yeah in short... your parents seeing something you posted on a public network is NOT snooping nor is it an invasion of privacy. you put it out there for people to see... well they saw it
I know that. I also know how I would have interpreted it at 15.

That said, its an important lesson to learn . . . but teaching in this way is more likely to make things worst than teach any real lesson (other than perhaps about privacy settings, but I don't think that's the real lesson to be learned here).

Of course, I admit that had such a think as FB existed when I was 15, and I ranted about my parents, and one of the read back to me what I wrote I would have been so mortified that they wouldn't have needed to do anything else. But I was a pretty easy kid in some ways.

Edit: I can't help but wonder what the end result of all this FB stuff will be . . . will people just get used to it? Will they learn to use privacy settings? Will no one care any more? I have no idea . . . its such a strange thing.
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The Court's extensive review of these pages serves as a useful reminder that loaded guns, sharp objects and law degrees should be kept out of the reach of children.

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  #190  
Old 02-13-2012, 04:19 PM
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I suspect she KNEW her dad would see it seeing as this was a 2nd offence.

Maybe it was some teenage way of telling them how she feels.... Maybe they should have sat down with her and asked her why she felt the way she did.
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