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  #141  
Old 02-13-2012, 09:25 AM
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Originally Posted by ~Jessie~ View Post
So you're grounded and had your laptop taken away and have to share the family computer? Not my problem. You can work your schedule around using it since you're the one who messed up and had your laptop taken away in the first place.

She could stay after school and use the computer lab, since she doesn't have a job. She can work out a schedule with her parents about using it from 6-8pm every night, etc. Chances are, her parents have their own laptops or tablets (as most people do), so I can't see it being a terrible thing to have to use the family computer.

If you use the computer your parents bought you to badmouth your family on FB, then I see nothing wrong with having it taken away (or destroyed, donated, whatever). Kids don't NEED their own laptops. It's a privilage and not a right.


This
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  #142  
Old 02-13-2012, 09:35 AM
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Sure, he had every right to do what he did...the point is it was a reaction, not a solution. It does NOTHING to actually fix the problem that is obviously there.
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  #143  
Old 02-13-2012, 09:44 AM
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I just hate to see something like that wasted for any reason. My neighbor threw out a perfectly good wheelchair, almost no wear at all. I got it out of the trash advertised it for a man that came with his wife, barely able to stand, don't know what was wrong with him, but he needed it, and they had no insurance. I can't see destroying something like that as any good even if you think your teaching a lesson.

The shooting of it, imo was horrid and what REALLY was the message there?
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  #144  
Old 02-13-2012, 09:45 AM
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Sure, he had every right to do what he did...the point is it was a reaction, not a solution. It does NOTHING to actually fix the problem that is obviously there.
How would you have fixed the problem?

Not trying to be a smartass, it's just that he grounded her before and she did it again. A lot of parents would say "ground her" but he did. And she still didn't listen. He doesn't seem to be abusive (verbal or otherwise) or absent from her life. He provides for her, she sees him everyday, he is willing to spend time doing things for her, etc.

I mean I guess it depends on what you think the heart of the matter is. If you think she is acting out for attention, then she has low self-esteem, then maybe a different course of action should have been taken. But if she did it because she is genuinely ungrateful, then that is different.
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  #145  
Old 02-13-2012, 09:46 AM
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I don't know. I just don't see it as that dramatic that now it means she'll never come to him and their relationship is damaged and everything else. that could be the case but that's not definitely the case.

My mother kicked my butt out of her house when I was 18. I won't say what I did but I really deserved it.

WAs I angry as hell at her? OH you bet I was. I didn't talk to her for a year probably. but then something happened... I started to GROW UP and realized that what I did was AWFUL and that kicking me out was pretty much her last option.

This girl will GET OVER IT. I would bet money on it. Maybe She'll grow up and realize that she probably deserved the punishment she got and maybe they will laugh about it one day. My mom and I are SO very very close now. We had our rough times when I was growing up but somehow she still maintains that I was a pretty good teen... I think she just has a selective memory lol. SHE should be the one angry at me not me angry at her for punishing me.

In fact I think that because this became such a big deal and everyone is slamming the dad all over the place... it's only going to cause her to want to defend him because I think she loves him and he definitely loves her and while she may be angry at him, she still loves him and while teens are brats they don't usually like strangers bashing their family members. so all this publicity could serve their relationship well lol maybe not... it's all speculation

but yeah I'm just not buying that this is the end of their loving relationship. IN reading things the girl has said and things that dad has said after the fact... they do seem to have a good relationship (if not frustrating at times) and I don't think this one thing is going to ruin it that easily. maybe I'm wrong but I think if my family and I could overcome all the rottenness that has happened in the past and still be close, so can this family.

I also don't buy that not having her very own laptop is going to hurt her education. I'm willing to bet she probably wasn't doing a whole lot of school work on it anyway LOL. There are lots of kids that don't have their very own laptops and they manage. So can this girl
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  #146  
Old 02-13-2012, 09:52 AM
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Originally Posted by Greenmagick View Post
Sure, he had every right to do what he did...the point is it was a reaction, not a solution. It does NOTHING to actually fix the problem that is obviously there.
You know, I guess that's what I keep thinking reading though this thread, there are a whole lot of assumptions.

How do you know it did nothing? Maybe, just maybe that's exactly what she needed and it worked wonderfully. From the updates sure sounds like she hasn't taken this nearly as bad as the public nor is as scarred and traumatized from it like everyone says she should be.

It's not my kid, it's not my family and it's certainly not my place to judge when all of my insight comes from an 8 minute video.
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  #147  
Old 02-13-2012, 09:53 AM
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I think that is part of raising a 15 yr old girl to understand that there will be a lot of groundings. There will be a lot of privileges taken away, and your going to get a lot of mouth and it's going to happn frequently. They are all cute and sweet and nice when they are babies but no one prepares you for what comes afterward. All I know from my experiences is you have to remember that, and you have to remember that today is not tomorrow, and if it wasnt' for Zits' cartoon I might have worried a whole lot more raising my son, but there he was, right there in the funny paper, doing a lot of the same things, with exactly the same attitude. They can be rude, they can tear out your heart, and you cannot take it personally. You can only be the one constant that they know loves them no matter what they dish out, and will be there to put back the pieces.

I totally agree that she might not come to him when she needs to most if this is his reaction. I would like to know one teenager that hasn't' said a lot of what she wrote, foul language and all. IT doesn't last.

I was in the thrift store complaining to someone about Hyia's room and our ever constant battle over it. An old woman came up to me and said "my daughter was just like that, it was awful and we fought and fought over it. It never changed anything. SHe grew up to be a very responsible woman with a good job and is a good Mother.

Wonder what would have happened if this Mother had taken a gun and shot her stuff in her room?
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  #148  
Old 02-13-2012, 09:53 AM
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Most likely she will get over it....thats the positive of this. My issue is I dont think this is at all a good example of what to do and I dont know how many seem to think it is.

I liked this response

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As I pondered the situation between this dad and his daughter, I kept coming back to the concern that the way he handled it has actually given his daughter an opportunity to blame him for her problems...rather than blaming her own poor decisions for her problems. For his sake and hers I wish that he would have given himself time to calm down, had donated the laptop to a worthy person, and had said with empathy, "I love you too much to fight with you over an electronic device. You may have another one when you can afford it."

Love and Logic teaches how to show great love toward our kids as we hold them firmly accountable. The Love allows our kids to eventually develop a Logical connection between their poor choices and the consequences.

The Love and empathy also increase the odds that we'll have healthy and joyful relationships with them when they become adults. I want all parents and their kids to enjoy this gift!

Sadness also fills my heart because his actions are likely to teach his daughter that anger, frustration, retaliation, bad language and the destruction of property are good ways to solve problems. There are already far too many people who believe this.

What he did is definitely NOT Love and Logic! But...it's never too late for anyone to take steps toward enjoying happy and healthy relationships with their kids.

Dr. Charles Fay
He reacted to his anger and frustration the exact same way she did...which is what he was so pissed about. he is the adult, its up to him to stop the cycle and not stoop to a teenagers level.

Oh, and I was almost never grounded. The people I knew who were grounded all the time, it was because their parents never really talked to them about what was actually going on and just punished. My mom would sit down and discuss things and I learned actual lessons
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  #149  
Old 02-13-2012, 09:55 AM
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Originally Posted by Greenmagick View Post
Most likely she will get over it....thats the positive of this. My issue is I dont think this is at all a good example of what to do and I dont know how many seem to think it is.

I liked this response
Okay, I like that response too,

I'm glad I don't have kids to worry about all this with.
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  #150  
Old 02-13-2012, 10:02 AM
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It seems like the only issue between the family and the daughter was how upset she was about the "huge" amount of chores she had to do, and how her dad wanted her to get a job. She wants an iPod and other things that cost a good bit of money. Her message on FB read like something a typical spoiled brat would write. He put $130 and a few hours of his own time into fixing up her laptop, and she had the nerve to complain about having to make her own bed, sweep the floors, wipe the counters, and do her own laundry (oh the horror!).

I also don't see what the big deal is about a 15/16 year old having a job. It's not a matter of her NEEDING a job- it's a matter of working for your wants and not having them fall into your lap. It sounds like she just goes to school and comes home, anyway- there's no mention of sports or any other extracurricular activities. If she wants expensive things that her parents won't buy for her, she can get a job and pay for them herself.
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