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Old 01-13-2012, 06:12 PM
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Paige Paige is offline
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Default How would you feel in this situation?

My boyfriend is a major loner. He is very quiet and doesn't talk much when we go out. I keep gently encouraging him to go out and make friends. We've only lived in the Kelowna area for four months but I have a network of friends already. I don't see them too often but I am very out going and friendly. I've brought him along on a few outings but he never talks which makes people think he's kind of weird and it can make social situations a bit uncomfortable.

Well, he told me he thinks one of my friends is cute. He then added her on facebook and asked her to hangout. They both told me. I don't feel threatened by her at all I just cannot for the life of me understand WHY he wants to hangout with her as he has not talked to her directly in person. The only thing they have in common is they both smoke pot (I don't). I know no funny business will happen... but I'm kind of irritated he won't go make his OWN friends as dumb as that sounds. Him and I spend so much time together and I feel like that my friends are the rare time I can just talk unedited about whatever and not have him around (we are together 99% time of our spare time). It'd be different if they had a gay old time together but I know she has just said yes to be nice.

I love spending time with him. Most of my time... but the rare time I want to go out it's nice to have people that are just my friends. This is really bothering me and I think I'm being a bit irrational in it.

TLDR my boyfriend asked one of my friends to hangout who he hasn't spoken to directly at all and it's annoying me because we spend so much time together that I wish he would network for friends with other people. Not my existing friends.
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Old 01-13-2012, 06:24 PM
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Fran101 Fran101 is offline
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I think you are totally justified and would feel the same way. Regardless of "funny business" it's nice to have friends that are just YOURS and who you can just BE WITH and talk to freely about your boyfriend (good and bad things) and not feel like you have to share them or censor your thoughts because they know him as well.

It would also really bug me that they didn't even kick it off. It's not like they were fast friends and wanted to hang out.. especially for somebody who isn't that social, why would he pick one of YOUR friends to go out on a limb and ask to hang out? Just smells fishy to me.. WHY THIS GIRL? lol that's what I would wanna know.

Don't get me wrong, it's nice to have friends who like your boyfriend and do group stuff together. but I don't think it's wrong of you to think he should make his OWN friends and kind of get off yours lol

Does he have any hobbies? interest? Meet up groups are fun. If he is in school encourage him to join a club or if he works, encourage him to hang out with his co-workers/talk to them more.

In my group, the rule is you don't hang out with my boyfriend without me unless you are...

A. Helping him pick out my engagement ring
B. Helping him plan my surprise birthday party
C. Doing something else that directly involves me
D. Yelling at him for something he did to me
or
E. Killing him for something he did to me

Haha but ya, I would feel the same way. Perhaps even A LOT less level headed than you are!

I am not a jealous person by any means.. but ya, I would probably be weary..
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Old 01-13-2012, 06:37 PM
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I dunno. Cute girl willing to get stoned with him is all I am coming up with. She also has her son that day. I was invited by her to come too, then later he said he guessed I could come too... but the tone was there for me to pick up a hint that he'd rather me not. I dunno it just all screams odd to me.
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Old 01-13-2012, 07:18 PM
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Honestly... I'm feeling red flags... Especially with his, "I guess you could come" remark. I definitely sense something fishy.
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Old 01-13-2012, 07:18 PM
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Yeah, that seems really odd.

I'm the first one to admit that I'm ALL FOR male-female friendships. However, cute girl to get stoned with just seems... wrong. Out of all the things he could say about her and he comes up with "she's cute."

Red flags are going up for sure.
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Old 01-13-2012, 07:22 PM
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Well, in my newfound "I hate men they are pigs" frame of mind, I'd beat him until I felt better.

You, on the other hand, seem much more rational than I. So perhaps explain to him why the situation seems crappy to you.
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Old 01-13-2012, 07:31 PM
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something seems off to me too.... I suppose time will tell if it's anything to be concerned about.
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Old 01-13-2012, 07:48 PM
Kristen1980
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Paige View Post
something seems off to me too.... I suppose time will tell if it's anything to be concerned about.
If something seems off to you then something probably is. I see a big red flag that he might have more interest in this girl than to just smoke pot with her. He seems like he wants to get to know her a little more. Hopefully, I'm just wrong!

Do they text back and forth? May I ask how long you have been dating him?
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Old 01-13-2012, 07:54 PM
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Nope we don't have cell phones. We've been together a year. I know him well enough to know he isn't going to sleep with her and I trust her too. If it happens though I'd be 100% shocked. I just think it's more than what he's letting on. I do think he has a crush on her though. Which is fine I just wish he'd tell me his reason behind it so I stop overthinking.

I dont want to shut down his attempt at making a friend.
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Old 01-13-2012, 07:57 PM
Kristen1980
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Nope we don't have cell phones. We've been together a year. I know him well enough to know he isn't going to sleep with her and I trust her too. If it happens though I'd be 100% shocked. I just think it's more than what he's letting on. I do think he has a crush on her though. Which is fine I just wish he'd tell me his reason behind it so I stop overthinking.
I agree, he needs to tell you so you can either move on or work on your relationship.
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