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  #1  
Old 12-30-2011, 12:49 PM
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PlottMom PlottMom is offline
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Default We're still alive/horrid break-ups?

I'll apologize in advance if this turns into some horrible pity party, but it's been REALLY bad.

Has anyone else ever been through a break-up like this?! We were "dating" about 3 years... honest to dog I couldn't have hand-picked someone more compatible with me. Since the beginning, he's been my very best friend, the only person who's always been completely in my corner. He always said he'd waited his whole life for me, that I was completely his dream girl & everything he wanted. He said he wanted to marry me, we'd sit up at night and name our kids, everything. And he loved Daisy, which meant everything to me

So in like 2 weeks he went from "forever and ever, baby " to "I need to be selfish and focus on me, I can't support us both emotionally, blah blah blah" and we're done.

I am devestated to the point of losing like 10lbs, refusing to get out of bed except for work, and it was bad enough my friend came to get me from work the one night because he & his wife thought I'd kill myself. My mom drove 3 hours to take me home for a few days. I don't know why I'm posting all this to the internet, but it kind of feels good to get it out.

Thing is, I was with PlottDaddy for years & never saw marriage or kids. I'd still marry this guy tomorrow. I'm pretty sure I will now die alone, as the crazy old dog lady, because I can never let someone in like that again.

Cookies if you read it all, and more if you can help me get over this I still think we're meant to me, there's just to much to how we got together to make it coincidence...
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Katie

The Plotts:
UKC GRCH 'PR' Hannas Creek Liz
CH CCH CA 'PR' Jebb's Bayou Rage OFA Hips: Good

And the "off-colored" hounds:
Daisy Duke Garrett CGC, RA & my <3 dog (basset)

Very Missed:
UKC GRCH CCH 'PR' Skyplott Teddy Bearhug
UKC CH CCH 'PR' Hannas Creek Irresistible You
'PR' Dead River K-N-A Swagger - the BAD puppy!
(and Autumn, the feist.)
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  #2  
Old 12-30-2011, 01:04 PM
Kristen1980
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I'm so sorry and at Christmas and New Years too, that has to suck. Relationships seem to break up around major holidays.. I don't know why? Have you talked or texted him? You need more of a explanation than what he's giving you. Maybe all the talk about marriage and kids frightened him. Some guys are cool with dating a girl for long periods of time but when the girl brings up marriage and kids they go whack and run far far away, but you said you had been dating 3yrs so its not like you sprung that idea on the 2nd date.. ya know? The fact that he went from "forever and ever" to "never never" makes me wonder if he might be seeing someone else and you didn't know it. Could he be?
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  #3  
Old 12-30-2011, 01:13 PM
Kristen1980
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Yes, I do have a horrid break up story. Dated a guy for several yrs before meeting Justin. Thought he was the ONE! We moved in a cute little high rise apartment in the middle of Los Angeles. We both had full time jobs, we'd come home in the evenings and fix dinner, go on trips up to San Francisco, Catalina Island, the beach. We spent oodles of time at the beach. We talked about getting married and kids and then one day out of the blue he announced that he needed time to himself blah blah blah and walla just like that my world crumbled into a heap of nothing. So I let him go. I decided that I wouldn't fight for us or what we had. If he was meant to be than he would come back. Took me a good 4yrs to get over us and him. He's married now and has a son. I will always wish the best for him. I look back and now know why things happened like they did. I'm glad we didn't get married lol.

I know how your feeling. Chin up, take one day at a time and always remember tomorrow is a new day! Oh, and you won't end up an old crazy dog lady lol
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Old 12-30-2011, 01:14 PM
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He's actually the one that brought up marriage & such... once upon a time I was like "what, is your master plan to get me to break up with PlottDaddy?" and he was like "my master plan is to make you my wife." so i was kind of the speechless one there.

And no, he wouldn't have had time for another girl. That one I am sure of.
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Katie

The Plotts:
UKC GRCH 'PR' Hannas Creek Liz
CH CCH CA 'PR' Jebb's Bayou Rage OFA Hips: Good

And the "off-colored" hounds:
Daisy Duke Garrett CGC, RA & my <3 dog (basset)

Very Missed:
UKC GRCH CCH 'PR' Skyplott Teddy Bearhug
UKC CH CCH 'PR' Hannas Creek Irresistible You
'PR' Dead River K-N-A Swagger - the BAD puppy!
(and Autumn, the feist.)
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  #5  
Old 12-30-2011, 01:17 PM
Kristen1980
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PlottMom View Post
He's actually the one that brought up marriage & such... once upon a time I was like "what, is your master plan to get me to break up with PlottDaddy?" and he was like "my master plan is to make you my wife." so i was kind of the speechless one there.

And no, he wouldn't have had time for another girl. That one I am sure of.
Oh I see. Give him time and space. Guys somehow need that time and space to think things over. Those are some pretty deep stuff he said to you that shouldn't be taking lightly. May ask how old both of you are? Are you both in college? Do both of you work?
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  #6  
Old 12-30-2011, 01:41 PM
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CaliTerp07 CaliTerp07 is offline
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I'm sorry. Break ups suck--I had a really messy one with a guy I dated for 3-4ish years. It was painful and teary and waaaaaay too drawn out. I didn't recognize myself for a good 6 months after that.

I'm glad you have people who love you who you can talk to and who will take care of you. Do you have any neutral person you can talk to? A pastor, a counselor?
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  #7  
Old 12-30-2011, 01:43 PM
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i'll be 27 in feb; he'll be 36. i work (youth services - residential, with teenagers) and he's retired from the army - 100% disability, he got shot up real bad in Iraq & is a purple heart vet (yes, I'm totally proud of him, lol). when he met me my mom was like "why would you want to be with someone who can't keep up with you hiking & coonhunting?!" so he bought his first mtn bike since he was hurt. now everything's coming together for him with sponsors & such, he's kind of a pro-cyclist now... even with only one good leg.



ETA: that was a novel...
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Katie

The Plotts:
UKC GRCH 'PR' Hannas Creek Liz
CH CCH CA 'PR' Jebb's Bayou Rage OFA Hips: Good

And the "off-colored" hounds:
Daisy Duke Garrett CGC, RA & my <3 dog (basset)

Very Missed:
UKC GRCH CCH 'PR' Skyplott Teddy Bearhug
UKC CH CCH 'PR' Hannas Creek Irresistible You
'PR' Dead River K-N-A Swagger - the BAD puppy!
(and Autumn, the feist.)
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  #8  
Old 12-30-2011, 01:46 PM
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PlottMom PlottMom is offline
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Location: SoCal
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CaliTerp07 View Post
I'm sorry. Break ups suck--I had a really messy one with a guy I dated for 3-4ish years. It was painful and teary and waaaaaay too drawn out. I didn't recognize myself for a good 6 months after that.

I'm glad you have people who love you who you can talk to and who will take care of you. Do you have any neutral person you can talk to? A pastor, a counselor?

yea, i'm gonna start seeing a counselor. i kinda thought i needed to for a while, then things got better, and now i think i leaned too hard on "him".
__________________
Katie

The Plotts:
UKC GRCH 'PR' Hannas Creek Liz
CH CCH CA 'PR' Jebb's Bayou Rage OFA Hips: Good

And the "off-colored" hounds:
Daisy Duke Garrett CGC, RA & my <3 dog (basset)

Very Missed:
UKC GRCH CCH 'PR' Skyplott Teddy Bearhug
UKC CH CCH 'PR' Hannas Creek Irresistible You
'PR' Dead River K-N-A Swagger - the BAD puppy!
(and Autumn, the feist.)
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  #9  
Old 12-30-2011, 01:53 PM
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CaliTerp07 CaliTerp07 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PlottMom View Post
yea, i'm gonna start seeing a counselor. i kinda thought i needed to for a while, then things got better, and now i think i leaned too hard on "him".
It's easy to do.

Has he seen anyone at all? I'm taking a shot in the dark, but it sounds like he's dealt with a lot--any chance he's still going through some PTSD stuff?

It just seems strange to change so drastically so suddenly. With my old relationships, it was a gradual thing, not an overnight "I need a 180 life change" thing.
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  #10  
Old 12-30-2011, 01:57 PM
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CAUTION. LARGE POST AHEAD FILLED WITH MESSY QUOTES/PICTURES


I was with my high school sweet heart for 4 years. Same deal "i've waited my whole life for you, I want to marry you ,etc.." and then one day, POOF, "I want to have sex with other people".

The thing about making somebody your whole world, is that when they disappear, your ***** world falls apart.
but in the wise words of Taylor swift, "Back then I swore I was gonna marry him some day but I realized some bigger dreams of mine"

You need to learn how to happy by yourself first, and THEN find a way to let somebody in. That is why you feel so empty right now.. you CANNOT let a boy define your happiness.
Dive into what you love, find a hobby, find a friend, learn a new language, read and read ALOT.. do what you love to do and be happy with your life and trust me, love will fall into place on it's own.

I know it doesn't feel that way, and for now, it's going to SUCK. You need to sulk, watch BAD chick flicks, indulge yourself, bitch to friends, let yourself WALLOW in misery, drink heavily, bitch some more
and then get a hair cut, a new dress, pick yourself up and move on!



Let it hurt.

ďThe good times and the bad times both will pass. It will pass. It will get easier. But the fact that it will get easier does not mean that it doesnít hurt now. And when people try to minimize your pain they are doing you a disservice. And when you try to minimize your own pain youíre doing yourself a disservice. Donít do that. The truth is that it hurts because itís real. It hurts because it mattered. And thatís an important thing to acknowledge to yourself. But that doesnít mean that it wonít end, that it wonít get better. Because it will.Ē
ó John Green

"Don't ask yourself what you did wrong or how you could have done it differently. Don't waste your valuable heart and mind trying to figure out why he did what he did. Or thinking back on all the things he said, and wondering what was the truth and what was the lie. The only thing you need to know is that it's really good news: He's gone.
The reason it's so painful when someone disappears is you have to face the fact that the person you loved had probably left you a long time before he grabbed his coat and scrammed." - He's Just Not That Into You by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo



The "recovery" process doesn't happen over night, it's little by little, and one day, any day, you are going to sit back and realize, "wow, I haven't thought about him ALL day today" and that's when you know it's getting better. It isn't some dramatic OH MY GOD I AM OVER HIM, it's as simple as seeing a couple holding hands and not feeling a pang in your chest, as hearing his name and not wanting to cry.. One day you WILL get all that back. It can happen anytime, any day and you can't really rush it.. Just live your life best you can, immerse yourself in people and things that you love and trust me, it'll happen and you'll look up one day and look at your past relationship with him with bittersweetness but KNOW that you are better off

NOBODY who was your true love/meant to be, walks away like that. Him leaving doesn't mean your love story is over, it just means his chapter in your story is over

In the words of TV show..
"Being in a couple is hard. And committing, making sacrifices, itís hard. But if itís the right person, then itís easy. Looking at that girl and knowing sheís all you really want out of life, that should be the easiest thing in the world. And if itís not like that, then sheís not the one. Iím sorry."

If he didn't have the balls to look at you, in all your awesome, beautiful brilliance and realize you were worth it. then it is HIS LOSS and he is not the guy for you. I know that sucks to say and sucks even more to hear, but you need to understand that losing this guy is NOT losing your soul mate. No soul mate ever walks away like that

and one day somebody is going to walk into your life and make you so happy that it never worked out with anybody else and that this guy walked away


One day you are going to look back at right now and not even recognize that girl. The lonely, crying, sad, depressed girl.. but right now, you need to feel what you are feeling and trust me, IT WILL PASS.

and the day you realize you are over him, it feels amazing.

Just..stay away from him. This line has been repeated in breakups time and again.. but people don't listen. CLEAN BREAKS HEAL FASTER.
No you can't be friends right now. you can't be anything right now. Because your heart is broken and you are bleeding and trust me "better than nothing" will do nothing but hurt you even more in the end





and in the words of Nicholas Sparks


Do. Not. Call. Him.
You. are. too. Good. for. him.

I don't know who spoke these words but they never fail to be true!

your heart might be telling you all these things because it's broken, you are vulnerable and more than anything, you want to be happy again.

Running back to him seems safe, comfortable.. but you need to remember that you deserve more than someone who walked away.

Being lonely ... being alone ... for many people ... sucks. I get it, I get it, I get it. But still I have to say that yes, my belief is that being with somebody who makes you feel shitty or doesn't honor the person you are is worse.




break ups suck. They really do. Always.

but sometimes good things have to fall apart so better things can come together
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