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Old 11-14-2009, 12:45 PM
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smkie smkie is offline
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I don't like surprises and since so many of you have expressed love for Mary I thought i should let you know. Monday at 1 pm the mobile vet is going to come and send my baby girl over the bridge. SHe is strong and healthy, vibrant and other than her arthritis she is fit as can be. THat i think is making this even harder for me. THe mole is back on her eyelid and it is scratching the surface of her eye. Drops are no longer helping keep the infection at bay. I tried gel last time and it made no difference. IT came up fast and I prayed it was allergies again that reddened her eye but even I can see the mole touching it now. SHe keeps her inner eyelid slightly raised to protect her eye and it is taking the brunt of abrasion. When I saw it I made myself come in and make the call. My friend set the arrangements up with Dr. Napper. A very highly recommended mobile vet. I have heard he is the best and all the dogs love him. I want nothing less for her. I do not want her afraid, i do not want to say goodbye in a place that scares her to no end. THe last two surgeries on this damnable mole mean that she will fight like the devil going into the room. I will not have any of that for her.

I have taken her to the fields or the woods every day since last spring when it wasn't pouring rain. SHe has discovered new things thanks to Pepper and made new friends like Jean and Higgs. SHe has shown me that there is no quit in her and even tho her feet are swollen up like paddles and her hocks twice their size, she galloped across fields and joined in all the fun she could. Always with a wagging tail, and a never failing aura of good will. I have tried to give her the best life i could, starting with the day i helped open her little sack and saw her take her first tiny breath. SHe has never been yelled at or known seperation or fear of anything we couldn't face together. SHe is my partner, the other mom, she is my best friend, she is my anchor of hope and has sustained a permanent lesson for us all of the things that really matter.

My son is coming, she slept with him all his childhood. Took him to the bus stop. Was a part of his gang when he was a teenager. Had a whole secret life there I was completely unaware of in the basement. SHe loved teenagers and they loved her.

My mother is coming. GG is her gramma and has watched her all these years when i had to leave so Mary never had to be afraid.

I will give Hyia and Mary one last walk in the woods Monday morning so they can say goodbye. Hyia has never known a time when Mary wasn't a part of her life. Mary always seeing her off to school each morning.

I promised her when she was born that i would never let her suffer. Out of selfishness I don't want to do this. SHe does hurt, her arthritis hurts but she showed me she was still enjoying life so I let it be. THe eye is a different matter. No amount of begging and crying on the phone is going to get anyone to do anything about it this time. I begged last time, but that was 2 years ago. I was told no time after time but i was right, she still had lots of good living to do and we have done that.

I am going to give her a special bath and pick up some whip cream...after all I don't want heaven to think I didn't take good care of her and whip cream is her favorite and she hasn't had it for years and years due to her touchy pancreas. I hope in heaven she can eat all she wants of the goodies she deserves.

I managed to go one whole day without crying yesterday but that seems to be all over with now. She doesn't like to see me cry but i can't help it anymore. Hyia won't be told until Monday morning. SHe is happy and singing away this morning. No point is spoiling that. She knows something's wrong but i told her not to worry now. I would tell her what she needed to know when she needs to know it. She accepted that without question. Good girl.

So wish my Mother Mary a happy journey please. The angels better take as good of care as I did. May Bronki be there...that's all I ask is that Bronki meet her half way across the bridge and take her to her new home.
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Old 11-14-2009, 12:49 PM
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Sweet72947 Sweet72947 is offline
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I don't know what to say, so I'll just say (((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))
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Old 11-14-2009, 12:50 PM
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Oh, smkie, I'm so sorry. I'm crying reading your post and I can't imagine how you must be feeling. ((((HUGS)))) for you.

You know in your heart that you're doing the right thing for your beloved girl.
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Old 11-14-2009, 12:56 PM
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I didn't want anyone to read it at work Monday. I think Mary reminds people of their old dogs and we never stop missing them. WE had a good walk in the woods yesterday. Just the two of us. I told her she could lead away and that is exactly what she did winding her way down to the creek in five different places. Lowering her nose sinking it below the surface of the water, blowing bubbles and then drinking deeply. I tell myself we are avoiding waiting too late. I don't want that either. I think it is better this way and the mole just made the decision once and for all. I have been so afraid of what would happen if she had a pancreatic attack on teh weekend, or if something happened bad in the night. This is the way i wanted for her to go with her people around her, painless. I just keep telling myself that over and over again. It's cold and yucky outside today. I was hoping for one more nice day but I can't complain, this fall has been everything i ever could have wanted for her. THe prettiest fall and most perfect weather. She has had a really good time.
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love comes in many directions with mary


Side by side on the sofa sat three annoyed dogs and one smug cat
and then in came a little white kitten,
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Old 11-14-2009, 01:00 PM
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((((HUGS!))))
I hope she passes peaceful. Know we'll all be thinking of both of you.
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Old 11-14-2009, 01:04 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by smkie View Post
I didn't want anyone to read it at work Monday. I think Mary reminds people of their old dogs and we never stop missing them. WE had a good walk in the woods yesterday. Just the two of us. I told her she could lead away and that is exactly what she did winding her way down to the creek in five different places. Lowering her nose sinking it below the surface of the water, blowing bubbles and then drinking deeply. I tell myself we are avoiding waiting too late. I don't want that either. I think it is better this way and the mole just made the decision once and for all. I have been so afraid of what would happen if she had a pancreatic attack on teh weekend, or if something happened bad in the night. This is the way i wanted for her to go with her people around her, painless. I just keep telling myself that over and over again. It's cold and yucky outside today. I was hoping for one more nice day but I can't complain, this fall has been everything i ever could have wanted for her. THe prettiest fall and most perfect weather. She has had a really good time.
I listened to an interview on NPR with an animal specialist who was talking about grief relating to losing a pet. She said that the people who had waited too long to make the decision suffered from much more guilt and grief than others who had to make the same decision (but didn't feel that they had waited too long). In my opinion, you have done a wonderful job with your girl, and have been very honest with yourself that you want her around as long as she is happy and not suffering.

I'm glad that you had a good day together. ((((HUGS))))
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Old 11-14-2009, 01:07 PM
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Oh, gosh... I just don't know what to say.
((((((((HUGS))))))))
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Old 11-14-2009, 01:08 PM
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WHen she was pregnant I gave her one spoonful of whipped cream each day. I know if I have that she will be not be worried about a thing. WOn't be any light variety either. Mary loves to eat and the last couple years have been no fun in that direction at all. WE almost lost her when Hyia not knowing better gave her half a loaf of english muffin bread in the middle of the night. TWo bowls of food with nothing yummy on it has been all she gets. No fun at all. Victor would care less but Mary loves to eat. YOu would think a person would run out of tears. DOnt' know why yesterday i managed to not drip all day. I have known for a few days. I wish Kelly wouldn't have told me until the day before. I am however grateful that she made the call for me. I made the call for her for her dog Queenie. SHe didn't think she could make it through without breaking down. SHe said Dr Napper is so good and kind. THank you BAily that really helps. I will let my Mom know that too.
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love comes in many directions with mary


Side by side on the sofa sat three annoyed dogs and one smug cat
and then in came a little white kitten,
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Old 11-14-2009, 01:14 PM
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*the biggest hugs to all*

youve done right by mary all her life and are doing right by her now!
she will be well taken care of on the other side, and next time you 2 meet on the other side shell be there to greet you wagging tail in her prime!
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Old 11-14-2009, 01:14 PM
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*hugs* to you and to Mary.

You have made her life absolutely wonderful, and you gave her everything you could. The only bad part about dogs is that their lives are so much shorter than ours. It isn't fair in the least.

I think Heaven has a special place for good dogs like Mary.
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