Cruelly coerced into introducing myself

RBark · #1 08-17-2011, 05:06 PM

It's true. I was. It was horrible. A cruelty and torture beyond imagining. But to fully understand the story that led up to this monstrous event, we must start at the beginning.

T'was a bright, sunny and cozy day. I was in my very comfortable car, driving peacefully to my job, unaware of the horrors that would come over me. Upon arriving, I decided to cooly check my Epic (a smart phone for you technologically primitive people, not that I have anything against cavemen. In fact, I'm a very pro-caveman person. And don't mistake that to mean I'm some kind of cavewoman hater, I do have a full suit of shiny armor for my heroic cavewoman White Knight'ing. In short, I'm a very open, condescending and generally a poopyhead kind of person.)

While I was checking my Epic very cool-like and suavely, I noticed a text message from someone I have known and trusted for years and years. I had no guards up against this person, because she slowly, methodically, and systematically worked her way into my heart and indeed, my very soul. What I saw, nothing in the 'verse could prepare me for.

"Are you going to introduce yourself on Chaz, or just post creepy comments?"

Goodness. My pure heart could not handle this. Can you imagine? Nay, I bet none of you can. There is no way anyone in this world could possibly comprehend what it is like to be such a victim of a terrible violence, prejudice, act of venegenful hatred and evil. Nay, none of this world could possibly comprehend the hurt, the path of self destruction that being called "creepy" would set the remainder of my bright future so full of hope.

But in a significant(ly small) act of courage, I took one step towards the path of recovery, so I am here, introducing myself in the most un-creepy, friendly, and charismatic way I can muster from this pit of soulless despair I have been cast in by a terrible monster. Because I dream. Yes! I dream! That one day I will be able to post here as cool-like, suave, and un-creepy as I once was, before I was tossed without remorse. I will not name her, nay! For hearing her name would surely pique a curiousty that would bring the fall of humankind.

And that brings us to now, where I wrote;

"It's true. I was. It was horrible. A cruelty and torture beyond imagining. But to fully understand the story that led up to this monstrous event, we must start at the beginning."

So now we all are certain about the order of events, I ensured there was some overlap by citing the specific paragraph we began this tale upon. Time is a tricky thing that requires a lot of clarification and consistency. I can now move on to my actual introduction, written very majestically and with great ego on the following paragraph.

My name, as the more clever of you may have deduced, is RBark. Make no mistake, this has absolutely no similarity to my real name at all, for I have come up with a very secure alogrithm in which to convert my real name to something so totally unrelated that no one could possibly decipher it. It is quite clever, and I designed it myself. No, I will not be sharing this with the public.

I had a lot of animals growing up, coming from a hunting family. I grew up with approximately 12 Labrador's until my teens. I do some volunteering for an Husky rescue in which I help answer e-mails in regards to any training issues the adopted dogs may have. I am by no means a dog trainer or behaviorist, merely a hobbyist who gives very simple advice to very basic problems.

I currently own one Husky/Malamute Pure Mixbread (Nobody can make up their mind in that regard). His names are many, but one can rarely get his attention with the name "Kobe".

The explanation for my signature is that the black and white Husky is Ollie, and the German Shepherd is Priscilla. Both have passed away.

I hope to interact with you all in the coming future very un-creepy-like and have a very non-creepy friendship!

**Renee750il** · #2 08-17-2011, 10:28 PM

Well, lol, you've been lurking for a long time

CharlieDog · #3 08-17-2011, 10:49 PM

You are a very gifted writer!

And I don't usually post in welcome threads, because I like my newbs well done with a side of A1 sauce.

Welcome!

RBark · #4 08-18-2011, 09:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Renee750il

Well, lol, you've been lurking for a long time

Not quite lurking, I used to be a member of dogforums.com for a long time and eons ago some drama from there spilled over to Chaz and I, being the very mature and adult-like person type thing I am, decided to sign up here and stir some crap up. Eons ago, mind you, sometime in the era where the Golgafrinchans ruled the earth. So I can hardly be blamed for that! It was a wholly different time!

I hadn't been back since, but I've been told multiple times that Chaz is where all the cool folk are, and I might agree there, but without my presence they cannot really be considered "cool folk" so here I am to save the day!

Quote:

Originally Posted by CharlieDog

You are a very gifted writer!

And I don't usually post in welcome threads, because I like my newbs well done with a side of A1 sauce.

Welcome!

Thanks, I don't recommend A1 sauce for cooking me. I think I'm most tasty marinated in a lot of peppers and spices for a long time at room temperature, so that when you do decide to cook me, all that built up juiciness will make me even more savory.

That said, however, I would prefer not to be eaten. Stop drooling, dang it.

twobadfish · #5 08-18-2011, 09:18 AM

You lost me at "T'was a bright, sunny and cozy day." then I saw the dog and had to force myself to read it. It was grueling, to say the least, but I forged through it and arrived at the final word (of which currently has escaped me). Well done. And welcome (YOU should be welcoming ME).

Bye