Porn... How would you feel?

[~Tucker&Me~]

So the other day, I found porn on my boyfriend's phone.

I vaguely remember a thread about this a long time ago but couldn't find it so I decided to bring up the topic again.

If you found out that your BF/Hubby was watching porn (without your knowledge), how would you feel about it?

To be honest, I was really, really hurt. I didn't even know how to react 0.o He was obviously embarrassed I found out and kind of denied it at first before acknowledging it. Turns out he has looked at it regularly since before we were going out (it's been 2 years).

So yeah, I guess I am surprised by how much it has affected me. I suddenly feel much more self conscious, and embarrassed, not to mention just downright hurt. I haven't really wanted to kiss him or anything since, it just feels weird =/

I guess I am just wondering if my reaction is weird or if I am overreacting or...? Do you think it counts as cheating and would you be ok with it?

Thanks guys

[Paige]

Porn didn't bother me at all. I could care less if he wanted to watch it on his own, in my company etc... now what really bothered me was finding out I was filmed without my consent. Ugh. Any other kind of porn is alright by me. Just don't film me without my knowledge.

[CharlieDog]

Well, this is kind of a loaded topic for me, anyway. I have no problem with him watching pron, but what I do have a problem with is doing it in secret. It's one thing if your SO knows you watch porn, but if you're going behind their back to watch pron that's another thing.

Meh.

[skittledoo]

It's definitely a case by case situation since some people are more ok with it than others and to each his/her own.

Me personally... I couldn't handle it. I had a guy I dated a while back ago and was engaged to at one point. I found out that at night he would sneak out of our room, take his laptop into the bathroom and look at porn. Was I hurt? You betcha... I guess it just really made me wonder, "Am I not enough?"

Luckily with Josh he actually really doesn't like porn at all so it's not been an issue at all. But porn is definitely something I can't have in my relationship... to be honest... it makes me uncomfortable, self conscious... and it really makes me feel like I'm not enough to satisfy that person...

As far as cheating is concerned... I don't feel that it is ACTUALLY cheating, but it feels just as bad and just as I will leave a guy for cheating on me... if a guy feels the need to continue to look at porn after I've expressed that I'm uncomfortable with it then that's not a relationship I need to remain in. Just my .02.... but like I said... it really depends on the two people in the relationship and whether or not they are ok with it.

[Paige]

For sure. I don't see it as the actual act of watching itself as what causes a relationship issue. It's all about how the two people handle the situation. My brother and my best friend are datinga nd living together and this was a recent issue for them. I got both sides of the story and it was quite the drawn out emotional event because it made her hysterical, espeically because it was done behind her back. A lot of tears later and playing a bit of a middle man they sorted it out. Not exactly an arguement I want to be dragged into.

[noludoru]

Originally Posted by ~Tucker&Me~

If you found out that your BF/Hubby was watching porn (without your knowledge), how would you feel about it?

To be honest, I was really, really hurt. I didn't even know how to react 0.o He was obviously embarrassed I found out and kind of denied it at first before acknowledging it. Turns out he has looked at it regularly since before we were going out (it's been 2 years).

So yeah, I guess I am surprised by how much it has affected me. I suddenly feel much more self conscious, and embarrassed, not to mention just downright hurt. I haven't really wanted to kiss him or anything since, it just feels weird =/

I guess I am just wondering if my reaction is weird or if I am overreacting or...? Do you think it counts as cheating and would you be ok with it?

If it was that the SO was watching porn and not mentioning it to me. . . well, I'm sure mine does. If it was that he was keeping it a secret, yeah, I'd have a problem with it. I don't like secrets. In your particular situation, I would not be happy, and to be honest, I'd dump him. You don't keep secrets for two years. And if it was something other than porn that he was keeping a secret, I'd also dump him. Porn isn't really the issue for me, it's that it was deliberately hidden.

I think you are overreacting in the sense that that you are embarrassed and self conscious. In being hurt and uncomfortable with the situation, you're not; but you have nothing to be embarrassed about. He should be embarrassed for being such a jerk. And you definitely shouldn't feel self-conscious - he's with you, not whoever he's looking at pictures of, so he obviously thinks you're beautiful.

Porn isn't a replacement for your SO. . . it's just fun to watch/read/look at. Variety, I guess, and fantasy. It can be a private thing or something you do together.

Originally Posted by CharlieDog

I have no problem with him watching pron, but what I do have a problem with is doing it in secret. It's one thing if your SO knows you watch porn, but if you're going behind their back to watch pron that's another thing.

Exactly.

Originally Posted by skittledoo

As far as cheating is concerned... I don't feel that it is ACTUALLY cheating, but it feels just as bad and just as I will leave a guy for cheating on me... if a guy feels the need to continue to look at porn after I've expressed that I'm uncomfortable with it then that's not a relationship I need to remain in.

I ditto the bolded part as well. If you are uncomfortable with it and ask your SO not to, if he or she can't honor your wishes for you, it's not a relationship you should be in. Every relationship requires a little bit (or a lot) of give and take when it comes to making each other happy, and if that's not something either of you can be happy with or at least compromise on, then it's not a relationship you should continue with.

[Jules]

Hmmm... If he knew that you had a problem with porn and then still looked at it secretly, I think that would be plain terrible.

If you two have never really discussed it, you maybe just expressed to him that you are not into it...and he goes to watch it secretly... well, I think that needs a good sit down and talk. You can tell him how it makes you feel and that you don't like him looking at porn. I wouldn't say to dumb him right here and then, because maybe he didn't realize that this is a big deal for you, maybe he just thought you're just not into it. If he continues to look at porn after the conversation, I'd say then you have to think about if he's the right one for you.

I wouldn't say to dumb him right here and then, because maybe he didn't realize that this is a big deal for you, maybe he just thought you're just not into it.

[Dizzy]

Ermmm... I have been known to find piccies for my OH to look at, so I'm preeeeetty sure he looks at porn. Do you think I should tell him I look at it too? I think he already knows to be fair

Porn is just something to get ya rocks off too - why not enjoy it together? It has no sway on how he feels about you. And you never know, you might find you both want to try something new from it and spice up your own sex life... I mean, you'd watch a cookery programme to learn new cooking techniques yis?

I do agree on being open with each other though... but I don't ask my OH every time he's a had a jolly at nudey people.

[Fran101]

Doesn't bother me lol
hes not cheating, its just looking and whatever...
lol boys will be boys, I know the majority of guys watch porn so might as well let em and embrace it instead of making them hide it.

plus, take a look at some of the models lol they are BUSTED, chances are, you are much prettier

I don't watch, just cause I think its gross. but whatever floats your boat, with prettier girls, hotter guys, some music and better cameras.. who knows lol maybe I would!

Me and my BF watch it together sometimes and it goes from funny, to hot, (mostly funny lol "Are they SERIOUSLY having sex in a crowded restaurant.. and yet NOBODY is looking! lol" )
etc.. and I think its something cool to share together instead of him being ashamed and hiding internet histories lol

Of course I dont let him watch on MY computer. last thing I need is a porn virus lol


I might have a problem if it was weird porn.. like 13 year old asians, animals, little people.. or that kind of thing. but the regular girl on girl or guy on girl.. doesn't bug me

[Dekka]

For anyone against porn.. make sure you don't read any romance novels in secret, and talk to him first.

Romance novels are to women (most women lol) are what porn is to men (most men). Personally I am fine with my SO if he wants to look at porn.