Parents and kids too........how do you feel about home drug/alcohol screening?

My mom was very open and honest about how she had not done any of that when she was young. She told me she drank on occasion (so did I), and waited until she was engaged to have sex. It was always 'I never did it so you have no excuse!' It actually worked pretty well.

Now my dad on the other hand just doesn't talk about his teenage years, LOL.

It's not that hard to figure out . . . I just remember everything my parents did -- and come up with pretty much the opposite

Same here. Thats why it is soooooooo frustrating to have one that lies. Especially when we KNOW he is lying from the second it comes out of his mouth.

Like for example he got in trouble at school, hit a girl, ok complete grounding for 2 days. And ANY referall (sp?) is 2 days no matter what. and just a bad report for the day is that night. Well his teacher TOLD him she called us and called me and told me what happened and what to expect in his folder. He still came home and hid it. That 2 day punishment turned into a 4 day punishment 2 for the action and 2 for the lying. Knowing that when he lies the punishment is double

Its like WHY didnt you tell the truth it would have been a lighter punishment then it was because we also do the early ending for good behavior if its over the top behavior. Like the next day he gets a AMAZING report from his teacher and handles his punishment with grace that day, thats one less day.
But if you lie there is no shortening of punishments.

I have no clue why they do that when they KNOW from past experiences

Corey (the 13 year old) got into trouble last year on the bus. He was in a fight with another boy. He swore up and down the other boy punched him first and he was just defending himself! He swore this to the principal, to the bus driver, as well as us.

Enter the BUS VIDEO! Corey most definitely started it, we watched! Once he got wind there was actual video he couldn't confess the truth fast enough..........too late buddy boy, too late.

I know why he does it but it still baffles me that its never worked for him whydo it? But hes following from example (no not anyone in this house LOL).

OH is Hyia ever going to read these last few posts.
"Hyia...I am going to go check on that package of twizzlers. If you had any it's time to tell me now"
" I didn't Nana"
"Last chance, if you ate them you should tell me now"
"well, I had two".
uhhuh..more like half the package.

It baffles my mind. Just confess and you would only have one problem lie and you have two. I have explained that to her over and over and over again.

My son got that way early and would tell me stuff I would have never known about, and for the most part wish I never knew even now.

Small children often don't really understand how other people's minds work yet . . . first they think everyone knows exactly what they know (thus, you already know what they did) . . . then they figure out the concept of people knowing what you tell them about . . .and then that you can trick people by telling them what isn't true . . . it often takes another step for them to realize that people can hear what they are being told and yet know that it is not true. Also, they tend to tell people what they think that person wants to hear. At least that's what I've read about development.

Older kids are a different story.

My sister used to lie about pudding as a kid.

My mom would tell her she could have one as a snack, so she'd grab one and gobble it up REALLY fast. Then she'd go back to the pantry and grab a second one and eat it slowly.

When confronted, she would lie and say she only had one... even though the evidence would be in the trash. Kids

Idon't know... but lying is not a LEARNED behaviour. At least not one learned by watching other people. It's something we are just born with the ability to do even though we might not realize it until later.

You can take a kid that has NEVER seen a person lie as far as they know but they'll still possess the ability to lie and may exercise it leaving you wondering where they learned it from.

The worst for all of us was lying about a bad grade and changing it on the paper...

I know I did it. Emily did it. And Josie did it too. All about 5th/6th grade.

The only difference was to this day I was the only one that never got caught. I don't know what that says about me. :lol-sign:

I'll never forget one day when my sister was young. My best friend was at my house and Fey would NOT leave us alone. Finally I told her if she didn't leave I was going to pick her up and set her out of my room and put something in front of the door so she couldn't bug us anymore.

Her reply was that she'd just tell mom on me.

When I replied that I hadn't done anything wrong for her to tattle on, she very cooly informed me that it didn't matter, she'd make something up, and "mommy ALWAYS believes me!"

She was not quite 5 years old; she'd been pulling that crap since she could talk . . . and she hasn't changed a bit to this day.

Some people really are born liars.

No its like being good at any other job.. the proof is in the pudding as they say. Are your kids happy and well adjusted? If yes then chances are you are a good parent. If your parents hate your guts don't trust you and or do lots of dangerous things behind your back then not so much.

No one likes getting disciplined (and if they do then its not working :rofl1 But if the punishment ruins the relationship then, yes its bad parenting. Here a kid can move out no questions asked at 16. So you (not you specifically generic you) come down on your child like a ton of bricks because the kid lied about pot. Child decides you are an unfair tyrant and moves out... how can you parent someone who isn't there for you to influence?

Actions have consequences. But not just for kids, but for parents too.

My dad has a great saying.. Being a parent is a hard job, but a **** easy one to get.

I didn't mean it was learned from watching other people . . . I guess the word I wanted was "discovered" . . . we all develop the ability to lie, and pretty early on, but the youngest children don't (according to scientists) understand enough about other people's minds to lie or be able to lie . . . once they figure out, however, that they can tell untruths and that those untruths will influence the behavior of others, they start doing it. Lying arises from increased mental development . . . the realization that other people don't know what you know, and moreover, that you can influence what they DO know.

I agree that some people have a much higher propensity for lying than others, and it seems to be ingrained and/or start VERY young!

My brother could look my mother (or anyone) right in the eye and never flinch while he told the biggest whoppers you ever heard in your life, even if HE knew that YOU knew he was lying he could stay cool as a cucumber and never give it another thought afterwards! He had this ability before he ever started school!

I, on the other hand, would attempt to lie to her and she'd never say a word and let it go with no problem.......but I'd worry myself so badly over it I'd end up with a headache! Many are the times I've actually woken her up to confess without her doing or saying a word to me about it! She'd simply say "I know, and I knew you'd be knocking soon enough" I don't know if that was true or a mother's mind game, but it definitely worked on ME :rofl1:

OH yeah I know.

That's just always something I remember when we talk about kids and lying.

That was kind of my point (other than the fact that making other people miserable, especially your own kids, possibly for no reason, sucks). Because my parents trusted me (admittedly, I was a pretty good kid) I had (and still have) a good relationship with them. Therefore, when the time came when I really, really needed their help, I called them. In fact, I can think of two incidents, one as a young teenager and the other as a young adult, one my own fault and one medical, when I really needed help . . . and it was very good that I did turn to them. Indeed, it was partially because of how they reacted to the first incident (when I was very foolish and bad indeed) that I trusted them the second time.

One thing they always made clear to me was that if I was ever REALLY in trouble, they would help me, no questions asked, no recriminations, just CALL them. That I could always, always trust them. It was possibly the most valuable thing they could have done.

Have you watched the movie, The Invention of Lying? You should

I've had 3 teenagers, and being a parent is a hard job. Also, there are lots of books on parenting, but there isn't a foolproof manual with directions to follow.

If I could KNOW how firm or how lenient to be to ensure that my kids grew up to be self-sufficient, responsible adults, you can be sure that's what I would be doing. That's what I have tried to do, but I am absolutely sure some would think I was overbearing and controlling and others would think I was not firm enough and let them get away with way too much.

I'm on teen #3, and I still wish I knew the formula, but we're doing the best we can. I know my current teen thinks we're too controlling. We probably are at times. I also think we let too many things slide. I hope we get a few things right, and I hope he becomes the wonderful young man that he appears to be headed towards, and many, many times I feel like all 3 of mine have gotten and are getting where they are in spite of us!!

Before my kids became teens, I found parenting much easier!! (with the exception of the sleepless infancy period.........I don't function well on no sleep).

I'm a fantastic liar but I rarely tell a lie. I don't see the need. I'd rather be honest. When confronted by my mother about having sex, drinking and doing drugs I said to her I'd answer her honestly but she may want to sit down asi t could take awhile. I wouldn't call myself an alcoholic but I had a good eight months where I was ALWAYS drunk. I gave it up without a second thought but during those eight months due to drinking my judgement slipped and I did try drugs. I did acid twice, e twice and while drunk and high on E I was drugged with what I can only guess was GHB. If asked she'd always know where I was going but I'd avoid talking to her for weeks on end if I didn't feel like talking. Which is just as terrible as lying, if not worse.

I wouldn't have been offended if my mom asked me to take a drug test. I was doing drugs. She had every right to suspect it. I was being a stink. I don't know how I'll handle the situation as a parent but I do know I have put in a lot of effort to have open and safe communication with my younger sister. I hope that she'll talk to me about whatever she may get herself into so mom doesn't have to resort to that sort of thing.

My past made me who I am today, and that included pretty heavy recreational drug use at one point in time.

I'd say I'm a pretty decent, honest and hard working citizen.... and experiencing that is something I would never, ever change.

I know the reality from all sides of the seat - I come from a middle class good family home... I have been anti-drugs and smoking (very much so)... I have smoked (and recently quit - yay!)... delved into the recreational drugs/party scene... and worked in drugs and alcohol agencies.... And I've always like a drink

Life is for living - and life is for creating memories and experiences and filling yourself with good feelings and smiling. We're all gonna pop our clogs one day, and I'm glad I have these experiences to take with me - even the shitty ones when I didn't recognise the person looking back at me from the mirror (can you say whitey!).

I know the seedy sides I would NOT want my (or any other) child to take, but how could I preach to them when I did it myself and became ME because of it?

Which is why I try and educate kids of safety and reality, because at the end of the day ALL kids will make THAT choice themselves... and I'd rather they make an INFORMED choice than a stupid one.

Don't listen to the bullshit propaganda, if you want to help your children arm yourself with the facts.

If you're lucky they may decide never to touch anything their whole lives! But it is pretty much luck