Dog Site - Dog Stuff
Dog Forum | Dog Pictures

Go Back   Chazhound Dog Forum > Dog Discussions and Dog Talk Forums > Dogs - General Dog Chat


Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #41  
Old 09-21-2005, 06:50 PM
EliNHunter's Avatar
EliNHunter EliNHunter is offline
Top Dog
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Indianapolis
Posts: 3,836
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fran27
What kind of trash is it? Does it have a lid? There's always that baby proof stuff you can put on them so they can't open I think...

But yeah, I think you were totally right to break up with that guy...
Omigaw... it wouldn't matter WHAT I did to contain the kitchen trash with Hunter. Even when I stored his food in the garage and he'd be out with Eli during the day, he found a way to get into the "dog proof" containers. Now he's an inside dog -- because he'll dig under the fence and get out during the day if I'm not here. The kitchen trash can stays in the garage. His dogfood is in the garage, as well. He just spent a week at Grammy's... she had food all over her counter and a box of donuts on the table. I said "Do you leave that out when he's here?" She said "YEP!" So, guess what... he's learned!!!
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #42  
Old 09-21-2005, 07:03 PM
Doberluv's Avatar
Doberluv Doberluv is offline
Top Dog
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: western Wa
Posts: 21,914
Default

Yeah, good job. They can learn and it's not about being mean to them.

You guys....so many times I write a post and by the time I post it somebody else has beat me to it and I don't always see the posts before mine right away. So, I'm sorry. Yuck, thank you for your kind words. It really, really helps. Fran, thanks...it was a 30 gal. type that you use in the garage, no lid.

Angelique, you're right...toooooo easy to put the trash up on the counter or get a normal garbage can with a lid or put it under the cabinet. It's like he's so arrogant and proud that Gosh darn it, (only the swear word instead) she can should just stay OUT OF IT! She wants to be in it, then she can be in it!!!! He's loathsome. You're right...venting from being treated like that probably and developing a mean personality. I see no sympathy or empathy. Big red flag pointing to narcissism. And then the rage and the grandiosity. He is missing the odd, irrelevant responses to things and a few other traits. But boy oh boy...not for me. LOL Been there, done that.

So, I'm fine all except for this little dog. Should I steal her next time I'm on my way to Seattle? And find her a home? Half the time she's down the road, not far from the highway. Can you imagine? He'd probably suspect something. LOL.

Thanks everybody.
Reply With Quote
  #43  
Old 09-21-2005, 07:23 PM
Renee750il's Avatar
Renee750il Renee750il is offline
Felurian
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Where the selas blooms
Posts: 94,266
Default

Hey, she was out . . . she wandered off . . . If he asks, the last time you saw her she was walking down the road toward the highway. You tell the truth, just not EVERYTHING you know, lol!

You are well rid of this guy. Been there, done that, stayed too long. I'm still very much like a dog who cringes whenever its owner comes in the door in a bad mood. You never really get over it. I was raised that way, and except for Charley and one other, the men in my life have been very much like the guy you were seeing. Once that stuff gets under your skin it's hard, hard, hard to get it out and it's poison.

About the garbage . . . Before Filas, I never, ever had a problem with one of my dogs getting into the garbage. Bear did it once, but he'd grown up neglected on the street from the time he was a pup until I got him when he was four or five years old. He only did it once. We had a little nose-to-snout and I explained to him that the garbage was totally off limits and that was the end of it. Kharma is doing a very good job of staying out of the garbage, and I've finally got through to Shiva about the garbage cans outside, but Shiva still can't resist temptation inside the house when we're gone, so she willingly goes to the laundry room where she can't get into trouble, lol.
__________________
In a controversy the instant we feel anger we have already ceased striving for the truth, and have begun striving for ourselves. ~Buddha

Stupid is the most notoriously incurable and contagious disease known to mankind. If you find yourself in close proximity to someone infected with stupid, walk away as soon as said infection is noted.


There are few things more nauseating than pure obedience. ~ Kvothe

***8206;"silence is the language of god, all else is poor translation."
Rumi
Be a god. Know when to shut up.


Good Kharma Tags
Felurian
Reply With Quote
  #44  
Old 09-21-2005, 07:41 PM
Doberluv's Avatar
Doberluv Doberluv is offline
Top Dog
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: western Wa
Posts: 21,914
Default

I feel for you Rene. I know the feeling. But the difference is...I was raised very nicely and gently.

And so when I was with the NPD guy (narcissistic personality disorder) and he would rage with anger, never hit me, but he'd rage (red, tense face, neck veins standing out, just crazed) at something you wouldn't even have a clue what it was. Nothing happened, no argument, nothing. It was very frightening to me because I had never seen anything like it. My ex hubby was not like that. So, now, because that messed me up for a while when I was with the NPD guy....brainwashed, gas lighted (know what that is?) and my head was messed with and I didn't know what was happening because it was so extremely gradual and subtle, it really freaks me out when I see anything close to violence, even yelling in anger. I was shaking the other night when he was yelling at me. So, I quickly left and went home and had a beer. LOL. But I got over all that before, thanks to a message board with other women who had suffered the same thing. I learned all about NPD, which is the weirdest, horrifying mental illness I can think of. I got so that I became a much stronger person and now I'm better able to see red flags, even if it's not NPD. I did wait a little on the long side to get rid of this guy, but not too bad, considering. LOL.

I'm going to visit my kids before long in Seattle and will see my ex-hubby too. We're friends and it's really weird. But we went out for dinner and karaoke last time I visited and had a great time. At least I know who I'm dealing with with the guy I was married to for 21 years. The end of that is another long story. I'll spare you. Anyhow...nice that we're friends again.

Hmmm....I'll be fantasizing about scenarios to do with that min pin...lol. Thanks Rene. You made me laugh too.
Reply With Quote
  #45  
Old 09-21-2005, 10:16 PM
bridey_01 bridey_01 is offline
Kelpiefied
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Australia
Posts: 760
Default

Ack, what a dreadful situation. Good for you that you got out fast, I tend to linger far to long in the hopes that there is still something good in it. I stayed in the same relationship from when I was fifteen to when I was twenty five. I love the guy, he was wonderful but his anger was off of this planet. When he was seventeen he had saved up a grand that he wanted to spend on "mag wheels". I said "ha ha, boys like shiny things huh?" I was driving at about 80k's at the time and he responded by screaming at me and pulling the handbrake. The car did a three sixty and narrowly missed hitting a pole.
How does an otherwise nice mature person resort to violence and name calling at the slightest conflict? An even better question would be, why is it so hard to leave them?
Good on you for leavning though Doberluv, you're a stronger person than I
Reply With Quote
  #46  
Old 09-21-2005, 10:53 PM
Doberluv's Avatar
Doberluv Doberluv is offline
Top Dog
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: western Wa
Posts: 21,914
Default

Wow Bridey! That guy was freakin' dangerous! How awful for you. Don't be so hard on yourself. They get us hooked on them first. Everything looks peachy. Then the bad stuff starts showing up. But since we're soooooooo in love with these charmers, we figure, how could there be anything wrong with them? We love them because they're so wonderful. There must be something wrong with us. We must have done something. They're so perfect and all. (or have been) So, along with their devaluing us, we devalue ourselves, inch by inch until we are immobilized. In my case, I was not immobilized and I had enough self esteem to be strong. But not so much that I didn't get out sooner. It wasn't until I became educated on this subject and realized that he had it without a doubt and that was why, why, why...all my questions answered... that I started to get strong. I hung around too long too, about a yr. and a half after the weird stuff started, two years total. This was a guy before, not this jerk who this post is about. This jerk looks like a saint next to your guy and this other guy who had NPD. Anyhow, once I became enlightened about NPD, I realized what had been going on and that I was basically brainwashed. I cut the rope I was hanging myself on and pulled myself up by my bootstraps.

Quote:
How does an otherwise nice mature person resort to violence and name calling at the slightest conflict?
Because the otherwise nice mature person is not the guy's real self. If your guy had NPD, for example. (he probably didn't but there are some classic signs and that is one of them) But even if not that disorder, a looser jerk will be similar in some ways. NPD individuals (mostly men) have two selves, the real guy and fake guy. Fake guy is wonderful and charming at first. Real guy is a black hole who is replaced by fake guy, who is merely a reflection of other people whom he has observed and learned almost his whole life how to act like, how to respond to things. If someone makes a joke and other people around laugh, then fake guy knows that he should laugh. If you tell him so and so died, he say's, in a level voice "well, he shouldn't have smoked." He shows little emotion. (because he has no empathy at all) He has learned to copy reactions from people, but he gets a lot of them wrong so weird inappropriate responses pop out. He looks through sometimes as if you aren't there and if you do not give him constant adulation, admiration, attention, he becomes injured, wounded and either depressed or goes into a full blown rage. If he doesn't get enough of this supply which makes him feel like he exists, he rages because without it, he loses fake guy and all that's left is real guy who is nothing but a black hole. His real self long since became obliterated and replaced by fake guy. But fake guy can melt away without narcissistic supply constantly coming in. He is grandiose, better than anyone about everything and has to be the center of attention. Most people who act like they're so good at every single thing are just insecure and are over compensating. But the NPD person really does think they're all that because they've actually redesigned themselves over the course of years, usually starting about adolescence.

The "victim" feels like she has to walk on egg shells, but doesn't quite realize that she's doing that at first. You scratch your head and mutter to yourself, "something isn't quite right" but you love the person so you keep on going...I mean the list goes on. It's way too much to comprehend in one sitting. But it is possible that your guy had that or maybe the usual reasons for such an anger problem. Did he have weird, inappropriate responses to things? And a look of underlying anger just below the surface a lot of the time and for things no one on the plannet would ever be peeved about?

Well, this is way off topic. Sorry, but isn't it weird and interesting....and when you really think about, super pathetic, really sad actually. And these NPD people cannot get help, the prognosis is very poor because they know more than their psychiatrists and they only go to see them for depression. Other than that, how could anything be flawed in them? They have an extremely inflated, grandiose image of themselves. An image. That's why it's called narcissistic personality disorder. Everyone has some narcissistic traits. That is called healthy narcissim and it's necessary for survival. You have to love yourself and care for yourself. But this disorder is where the person doesn't actually love himself. He loaths his real self and so has obliterated it and replaced it with the fake self....completely replaced it. The weird things, the fake stuff is not consciously planned out. Like if we need to fake out someone at one time or another, we think about how to do it. These people do not have to think because it is virtually their new self. And it's all made up of images, reflexions. Weird, huh.

Last edited by Doberluv; 09-21-2005 at 11:06 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #47  
Old 09-21-2005, 11:05 PM
smkie's Avatar
smkie smkie is offline
pointer/labrador/terrier
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 54,716
Default

showed up for me after i said I DO. i should have said IM TRAPPED
__________________

Go Petie Go Go Who Go!

love comes in many directions with mary


Side by side on the sofa sat three annoyed dogs and one smug cat
and then in came a little white kitten,
Reply With Quote
  #48  
Old 09-21-2005, 11:16 PM
bridey_01 bridey_01 is offline
Kelpiefied
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Australia
Posts: 760
Default

He was definetly a weird guy. He was always very defensive with everything I said, especially if it related to intelligence. He was always trying to "outsmart" me verbally, which he never managed. When it was obvious that he had started a ridiculous argument, he would then say stuff like "why do you always want to argue?" which would leave me completley baffled.
He didn't have a whole lot of friends, which at first made no sense to me because he was so lovely and charming. When I was fifteen he bought me three kilos of my favourite lollies in a box when he heard I liked them. But things slowly changed, without me even realising it. He became obsessed with my mother, thinking she was "controlling" him if I wasn't allowed out. If she asked him to do anything (dishes, the lawn) he would have a massive anger attack, he would yell and swear then run to his house. If I went out with my friends without inviting him he would either cry or threaten to leave me. If I did invite him he just wouldn't fit in, or he would say something crazily inapproriate, other times he would be fine. It was all very confusing, but it was hard to end because the whole family regarded us as an "item", like there couldn't be one without the other. They used to call us "The Brett and Bridey show" because we were so full of drama.
Reply With Quote
  #49  
Old 09-21-2005, 11:23 PM
smkie's Avatar
smkie smkie is offline
pointer/labrador/terrier
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 54,716
Default

truer words were never spoken.." Because the otherwise nice mature person is not the guy's real self."
__________________

Go Petie Go Go Who Go!

love comes in many directions with mary


Side by side on the sofa sat three annoyed dogs and one smug cat
and then in came a little white kitten,
Reply With Quote
  #50  
Old 09-22-2005, 05:52 AM
Renee750il's Avatar
Renee750il Renee750il is offline
Felurian
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Where the selas blooms
Posts: 94,266
Default

Dober and Bridey . . . are you SURE we weren't all seeing the same guy . . . ????

Dober, thanks for the info on NPD. It describes Roger to perfection . . . the sociopathic tendencies, the "black hole self" is him exactly . . . every single thing you described, right down to only seeing a counselor for depression . . .
__________________
In a controversy the instant we feel anger we have already ceased striving for the truth, and have begun striving for ourselves. ~Buddha

Stupid is the most notoriously incurable and contagious disease known to mankind. If you find yourself in close proximity to someone infected with stupid, walk away as soon as said infection is noted.


There are few things more nauseating than pure obedience. ~ Kvothe

***8206;"silence is the language of god, all else is poor translation."
Rumi
Be a god. Know when to shut up.


Good Kharma Tags
Felurian
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 04:00 AM.


1997-2013 Chazhound Dog Site