I put my mom into a schizophrenic episode

*sigh*

I won't get into the details, but my sister and mother got into another fight. They've been fighting non stop for years, but my mom and I had a much better relationship starting a few years ago. My mom has been treating my sister awful for a long time, while I get all the favoritism. IT is not fair, and I feel awful. For the most part, I'd not say much to my mom if she tried saying awful things about my twin to me.. I'd ignore her, change the subject. There's NO reasoning with her, so there's no way I could show her or explain to she was wrong.

... well, last night I finally got sick of it. I didn't care if it wouldn't really help her see the 'light'. I was more worried about hurting my sister (by not speaking up for her), than to hurt my mom. Part of the reason I never cared to fight with her, is because I knew this would happen. My mom has not had an episode.. since before I was pregnant. Well, last night I told her she was an awful mother, that she's not fit to be a mother if that is how she's going to treat my sister, blah blah blah, and to not talk to me if all she is going to do is talk badly about my sister to me.

And now.. now she's sitting in the house with all the lights off, no TV, screaming at the walls, crying, and losing her voice because of all the screaming. When my sister tried to go home, my mom chased her out of the house calling her every vulgar name in the world.

I knkow that my sister feels like she actually has someone that cares now,.. but it is still hard knowing I caused my mom this much hurt, even if she was the one that is wrong. All I want is a 'normal' mother that can support me and be a good grandma to my baby. And it seemed I had that for a long time, but I knew along the sidelines was my sister being treated like dirt. Blah. Life is not easy with a crazy mother. I don't know whether I want to be angry or cry.

[boneyjean]

Have a good cry....I know it must be so hard. Just remember, tomorrow is a new day. Hope you, your mom and your sister are all feeling a little better by tomorrow. (((hugs)))

[Dekka]

You know there were probably ways to deal with it with out telling her she is an awful mom (even if she is.. what response did you expect?) Its sad you have to be more of an adult than your mom.. but thats life.

You could think up some useful and non antagonistic ways to think of how you would say things next time so you don't let unhelpful things slip though. Your mom probably wishes she was a normal mom too.. but she is sick.

[Domestika]

Probably made your sister feel good for you to stand up for her, though. I'm sure it hurt her that you hadn't before.

It's your mom's job to deal with what you've said. Not yours. If you don't feel that what you said was unfair then it's hers to sit with.

Is my opinion.

[Dekka]

Just a note.. I NEVER said you shouldn't stick up for your sister (my brother is very important to me and I would do anything for him..) But as your mom has a serious MEDICAL issue I am just saying you might want to be proactive for next time.

[bubbatd]

Just be careful that you don't push her over the edge .... especially with the baby there .

[smkie]

Originally Posted by Dekka

You know there were probably ways to deal with it with out telling her she is an awful mom (even if she is.. what response did you expect?) Its sad you have to be more of an adult than your mom.. but thats life.

You could think up some useful and non antagonistic ways to think of how you would say things next time so you don't let unhelpful things slip though. Your mom probably wishes she was a normal mom too.. but she is sick.

^^^ agreed

I've been "proactive" for years, and in return Ihurt my sister instead. I was more concerned of hurting my sister than my mom at the moment. I didn't say it in those exact words, but I'm sure that is how it came off to her. I tried so hard to explain to her using easy comparisons that what she was doing was unfair - explaining to her how she treated my brother, and then explaining her how in the EXACT situation, she did nothing but make my sister's life hell. I was trying so hard to reason with her. But she can't understand it. She can do no wrong. And mos tof all, she is NOT sick. She thinks everyone else are crazy, but she's normal. And my sister is the Devil. She even told her last night that she should have never been born and all sorts of awful stuff.

I've accepted for a long time to ignore whatever my mom says. She's said some awful things to me and about me when I was pregnant and even more recent. She just doesn't "get it" that what she says could be hurtful half the time. I don't usually even get angry at her. But the night before was not a usual night. Imagine if someone stole your dogs, was beating it, and you could do NOTHING to protect them or get them back. My sister was in tears almost all the night. Those awful, evil dog trainers treated her so badly. And my mom couldn't even be a decent parent to her for even that one night.

No matter how "proactive" you are, you can't reason with my mother. I've tried and I've tried. I've dumbed things down so much that even a small child could understand, but she won't accept it. She's always right. And who knows if that is just her personality, or if that is her illness. Even when my mom is not in an episode, that is how she is.

I know I got a bit too riled up, and I know telling her that she's always treated my sister awful adn that she's never fair to her,made her feel sad and alone and put her right into an episode (she's used to fighting with my sister, but I'm the "good" one, so when I make her feel bad.. ). And I do no think it was wrong at all to tell her that if all she cares to do is bad mouth my sister in front of me, then to not speak to me unless she has something else to talk about. I do think that is reasonable.

Dustin can't understand why I feel hurt that I hurt her. But it is almost like seeing a small child cry because you yelled at them.. that's the way I see it almost. She's psycho, she abused us growing up, but that doesn't mean I don't love her and care about her. I know why my sister is still so angry at her,.. she's always got the worst of the abuse and still is, and one day I do hope she can understand that our mother is sick, forgive her, and realize that my mom DOES love her, but she's not good at showing it, especially when my sister may pick a fight with her. But, I fear my mom may always treat Tasha unequal. I fear it isn't a temporary thing.

Originally Posted by bubbatd

Just be careful that you don't push her over the edge .... especially with the baby there .

She's only baby sat him once without us there. I'm not sure what to do. Not sure if bringing Mason over will help her get over her episode. She was a terrible mother for teenagers, but she's awesome with babies. I'm not going over tonight like I usually do (get dropped off and stay for hours) because I wouldn't have a ride home if I needed one if I couldnt' handle being with her that long. But, I will drop by and visit on Friday.

She won't listen to me if I speak to her in person, so I'm going to send her an email apologizing if I hurt her, but another short explanation that the way she treats my sister is not fair at all and that I'd rather not she talk badly about my sister in front of me. I'm glad to visit her, to let her see Mason. I just can't handle being stuck in the middle anymore. I think she'll be able to understand that, even if she can't understand that she truly treats my sister Badly.

[Dekka]

By proactive I don't mean not defending your sister. I mean learning to say what you mean in a constructive vs destructive way. Of course you should support your sister in what ever way you can.

In stead of saying you are a horrible mother. You can say things like "my sister needs you to be her mom right now.." (or what ever the issues is) Say what you mean, but to help not to wound. (if your mom wasn't sick then it wouldn't be such a big deal)