Advice needed: what should we do with this dog?

Hello all,
I am new here, and came on the recommendation of my sister (who mostly lurks). Nice to meet you all!

We have a problem with one of our two dogs, and I am hoping that some of you can offer some advice. She is a 4 year old Staffordshire Bull Terrier that we've had since she was a puppy, but she never really seemed to fit in with our household and lifestyle. We researched the breed for months before deciding to get her, but though we thought we knew what to expect this dog seems to be a parody of her breed description.

Despite long daily walks, playtime, and plenty of toys, she is constantly getting into trouble. We've tried everything that we can to alleiviate her boredom (presumably, she is bored), but she still seems unhappy and keeps looking for things to get into. She is also VERY moody and aloof. She doesn't seem to like being around me, and usually leaves when I try to pet her or give her attention, and she often hides under the bed during the day. She is also extremely exciteable and difficult to calm down.

She has never been abused in any way, and we have only used gentle and encouraging training methods on her and tried our best to make her feel like one of the "pack". We have tried many different training techniques, though none of them have helped with the above behavior. She is highly intelligent and athletic, though, and knows a wide variety of commands and tricks.

We've had her for so long that it is hard to imagine not having her, but in all the time we've had her she has been a source of more stress and grief than a source of joy for us. She doesn't seem very happy with us either, and we really aren't happy with her, so at this point we are considering finding her a new home. Though it has been deeply ingrained in my family that when you buy a pet, it is for life, so we are hesitant to do this.

But getting her a new home really does seem like a reasonable thing to do . . . what do you guys think?

Getting rid of her isn't going to help her, and it isn't going to "fix" her.

I think MAYBE she needs to be more mentally stimulated. They are known for their high energy in-doors, and high activity levels.

I'm new, so I don't want to say anything that would offend anyone...so I'll say it as politely at I can. Getting rid of a dog does not solve anything.

SBT are a diffifcult breed to own. And although it sounds like you did your research, maybe you didn't expect what you were going to get later on. It happens a lot. And your family is right, a pet is forever.

I will say, however, I have been in your position, and have regreted is ever since. You may not be able to live with the fact that she is no longer there, after having her for so long. It will be really hard if you choose to do so.

I hope I didn't sound rude! Slap me if I did!

Getting rid of the dog and making it someone else's problems will not "fix' anything.

Post this on the training section, you may get more help/advice there.

We are in the training section, so you've come to the right place I don't know what to tell you, as it sounds like you are doing all you can to work on this dilemma. It seems like you love her very much. I'm sure she loves you as well, you just need to find the right medium to make her and your family happy as well. If you aren't happy with her, she will sense that on some level.

What does she do when she hides under the bed? Does she seem like something has frightened her? Or is she just having quiet time so to speak?
Do you do agility, and training with her? Some of the other dog sports, such as agility, lure coursing etc, might help stimulate her smart mind, a little bit more.

We were always taught, that a pet is for life as well. If you did decide to rehome her though, you would only be passing on the problems to someone else, so it wouldn't be in the best interest of your dog, or the new owners, do you know what I mean? I am no expert, and it's very hard for anyone to advise you over the net. Have you thought about seeking professional assistance to help you?

Whatever the outcome, I wish you all the very best of luck.

ETA: Do you practice the NILIF program too? That is something that can be done all the time, throughout the dogs life. It teaches boundaries, and leadership, whilst being effective and gentle. It creates respect, and helps the dog know where her place is, and you can add little fun games to it as well. Little tricks for her to learn, whilst rewarding her positively, and with treats if that helps.


Good luck

Dulce Pit Bull ~ no, you weren't being rude at all, I do appreciate your honest reply! I know that if we did rehome her it would be a difficult decision, though we are trying to think in the long term. I take it you rehomed a dog once, and regretted it? Your Dulce looks like such a sweetie though!

Buddy's Parents ~ Thanks for moving it for me! I wasn't asking about training techniques, though they would be most welcome, I will edit my post.

Carolyn ~ Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply! I'm really not sure why she hides under the bed. If there is any tension (such as dad complaining loudly that he can't find the TV remote, for example) she hides right away; she is very sensitive! But she also just "hangs out" and sleeps under the bed or off in the other empty room, during the day. She's just quite aloof -- I've had half-feral rescue cats that have been friendlier than her! Its a matter of preference, I'm sure, but I really prefer for my pets to be loving. It makes me so sad that this dog doesn't even seem to like me, when I've tried so hard to be a good owner.

I had a feeling that someone would suggest agility training, as it is something we've thought of too. But besides the time and money it would take, our staffie couldn't participate in an agility class (or similar) anyway:

Staffordshire Bull Terriers are typically not good with other dogs, and ours is no exception. Though she is fine for taking on walks and with dogs she knows, I would NOT trust her with other strange dogs, even if supervised.

Thank you for the suggestion, though! I am familiar with NILIF, and we do practice it with her. And every day she has a little session where we practice her commands/tricks, and she gets treats. It is insane how focused on food she is though . . . she makes our former PUG look like an anorectic! (she is not food agressive with people, though, we dealt with that)

And I feel as though I have been somewhat misunderstood, my apologies for not being eloquent enough! IMHO, high energy, aloofness, intelligence, and sensitivity are personality traits, not things to be "fixed". I really feel that it is more an issue of compatability, and though there may be something we can do about it we don't know what it is. We KNOW she is probably bored, but can't think of anything else we can do about it! We do daily training sessions, give her long walks, and let her out in the yard whenever she likes to run around. She has toys, and spends a lot of time playing with our other dog (supervised of course).

Honestly, if I thought that a specialist could help us, I'd take her in a heartbeat. But I have no idea how to find a good one, and would definitely want one with a money-back guarantee. Given all the techniques we've tried that have been ineffective, we're somewhat skeptical. She learns commands and tricks really fast, but changing her overall behavior is something we've had only limited success with. I'll edit my post to ask for advice on this too, though!

Thank you for reading all this!

You can train a dog to obey but you cannot train its temperment. Sounds like she has a bad temperment. Happens. Im sorry you are having to come to this part of the road. You can help diverse some of the behavior. A behaviorist could help with that.

You got good advice from Carolyn and the others. It sounds like all her problems and insecurity is tied to the relationship with you....that these things that she does stem from or are begotten from some lacking in a bond with her people. (Or it could be a temperament thing like Momof7 said) However, before succumbing to that idea, I'd exhaust everything else. Your feelings about her may be having an effect. You cannot do anything directly to force different feelings and neither can she. But you might be able to change those feelings.

Another thing....when she hides under the bed or acts particularily aloof, what is your reaction? Do you fuss over her and try to bring her out of it? Sometimes that can be construed as a reinforcement by a dog....and that behavior and feelings behind it becomes comfortable....familiar to the dog and those feelings become normal to the dog. It's best to not give any reaction when she's like that but when she's a little more engaged, then give the praise, attention, treats, whatever. And not only when you ask for something, as in NILIF, but when she focuses on you on her own without any eliciting from you. If she looks at you or comes closer to you, make a little fuss over her and then leave it.

What I'd suggest is more involvement than you already are doing....more structure. Do you work with her seperately from the other dog...take walks, just the two of you? Could you set up some make shift jumps or maybe purchase a few pieces of agility equipment and set it up in your yard? If she spends a little time alone (don't over do it) but without the constant companionship of the other dog, she may come to appreciate you more and depend on you more.

Practice obedience every day a couple of short sessions, if you're not already. Make it FUN. No collar corrections, no seriousness. Use positive reinforcement methods. I recommend you study up on some clicker training for this very sensative dog because it's flat out fun for both owner and dog and you set the dog up for success, taking baby steps and building from those.

Anyway, I think you have every chance to improve the relationship with your dog and you if you don't defeat yourself by staying in the mindset that things just have never clicked and they never will. Think positively....get her to need you more, to need the interaction and need her resources...that you control them and you're very much her friend, being careful not to smother her. Be pals. Go on a fun walk...maybe someplace new every few times, a hike in the woods or goby a lake, something different than the usual. Associate everything to do with you as wonderful. I think she'll come around.

http://www.clickersolutions.com/articles/index.htm

It was not before. It was moved by a MOD. I suggested the training section so that she may receive help.

Thanks to all who have responded to her.

Good luck!

MomOf7 ~ As much as I hate to say it, I do believe you're probably right. With all the training we've done and what I've read about temperment, I am also inclined to believe that our staffie is just very sensitive, aloof, and somewhat high-strung by nature. These aren't things that can be truly cured (or rather, "fixed"), but I hope you're right and that a behavioralist can help. And thank you very much for your imput!

Doberluv ~ Wow, lots of thoughtful advice, thanks for taking the time to help! *hugs* You're right, a dog's bond with "their person" is very important, and a poor one can be the cause of a lot of problems. Ensuring that we had a good bond with her was one of the first things we tried to do to help with her bahavior, but obviously our success was limited. ^^; And I agree that a sensitive dog may pick up on my feelings, but there is cause and effect to consider. I am sad because our dog doesn't seem to like me; not the other way around.

When she hides under the bed, we pretty much leave her alone, though if I happen to be passing by I might say a quick hello (literally!). No cooing or fussing over her to get her to come out -- I know that if she's under the bed then she doesn't want to have company, so there's no point in forcing the matter. It is VERY rare for her to come to me wanting attention. If I sit on the sofa every evening and watch TV, I'm lucky if she comes to sit with me (on the opposite end!) twice a week. Even more rarely she might come and sit right next to me in an almost cuddly way. However, in either case she will more often than not leave the room if I try to give her attention, pet her, or even talk to her sweetly! Treats are another matter though . . . this dog is ridiculously food obsessed, and will do whatever you want and put up with anything as long as you have food. But she's gone within 10 seconds after the last bit is gone!

However, she always is very excited to see us when we get home, and wants to lick us all over. She also wants to jump all over us, but we don't want to reinforce this bad behavior so we ignore her until she stops being so excited. Our vet suggested this, so hopefully it will work. But when its us she greets, she usually calms down in a few minutes, but she NEVER stops acting like this when visitors come! Example: we have someone who visits twice a week and stays the whole long day. But still, every time she sees him, the entire time he's here, she acts like a "little psycho" around him (as our visitors have often called her). And yes, we have tried to "fix" this behavior, though what we tried didn't work and we don't know what else to try.

And good idea with varying the scenery for her walks! I always take her by herself, not with our other dog, though we always take the same route around the neighborhood so I think I'll take your suggestion and try the nature park and community parks nearby instead. We already do one little training session a day, though one more sounds like a good idea. And I will look into clicker training -- I followed your link, and it looks like fun! Its almost scary how smart she is, and I'm sure she'd like to learn some new tricks. We couldn't think of any more. As for agility training, I'm afraid it is too wet and icky outside to do that now, though it may be a good option come drier months. For now, perhaps I'll teach her to jump over our sofa back, which she does all the time anyway! (and this is ok, we allow it)

Thanks again for your advice. It really does help to discuss this with someone! Sorry if that was a bit too much info though . . . oops. Its just so hard to describe our staffie so that somone who's never met her can understand what she's like!

Thanks very much for that! I am glad this is in the training section now. Please pardon the newbie mistake!

Thanks for the compliment. Yes, I have rehomed. BUT, my grandma offered to take him, and now he is a rich, spoiled dog. The other time, I wasn't "of age" and my dad gave her away, and it turned out really bad...it's a long story..

I wouldn't mind walking you thru it if you needed. I live in the SF Bay Area too!!

Thanks Buddy'sParents, and sorry about that I too must have come in after the fact, and it just seemed to me like we had been in the training section all along ooopss my mistake

Well, after reading your post....what all you do, it sure sounds like you're doing everything you can and it definitely should be enough with the vast majority of dogs. It really could be a temperament thing. It's odd though, how sometimes she seems really "into" it all and other times, not at all. I sure hope some of it will modify. At least it might get better. But that may just be her. Good luck. And don't take it personally.....as though she doesn't "like" you. That probably isn't it at all. She may just be off in her own little world. Maybe she's a little autistic. It sounds like you're doing just right to try to get her to her potential. Keep us posted.

Dulce Pit Bull ~ I'm sorry to hear that about your bad rehoming experience! Giving a dog away to a shelter or something like that could be so sad. Though it sounds like you (and the other dog!) were very fortunate the second time being able to give him to your grandma. It sounds like they're bothe very happy! If we could give our staffie to someone we knew, who wanted her and was suited to that type of personality, we'd almost certainly do it! But even if we did decide to rehome her we wouldn't want to do it unless we knew for sure it was a good one, and that's really tough for a dog like her. She is a purebred with papers and everything, though, so if it ever comes down to that we will contact her breeder first; I'm almost certain that he said he would take her back if ever we were going to give her away. Thank you so much for your offer though -- I might take you up on it someday! Though I really, really hope we can modify her behavior at least a little, so she'll be easy enough to live with. lol.

Doberluv ~ Thanks for your reply! Good observation, we also think its kind of weird how she's all hyper-psycho-give me attention when she greets us but is otherwise pretty aloof. She's just really moody I guess! Thanks for the reminder that she probably does love me, too, even though she isn't very affectionate. I know she loves us all on some level. ^_^

And it has always been frustrating to try widely recommended training methods on her, and have them be so ineffective! Our other dog, a 90lb male half doberman, half rottweiler/lab mix, has been a dream to deal with in comparison.

One big problem with our staffie is that, besides being moody and high-strung by nature, she was not properly socialized as a puppy. We'd read that it was important to expose puppies to a wide variety or people and situations at a certain age, but at that time our vet told us very specificlly NOT to take her out of our house and yard AT ALL. Apparently, there was some weird doggy disease going around, and he said it wasn't safe to take her out until her shots had been finished and taken effect. So naturally, we complied, since we didn't want our puppy getting sick! We did have visitors over to meet her, but it wasn't nearly as good as taking her out in public would have been.

On the bright side, she's not at all agressive or fearful towards any kinds of people! I'm going to look around and find a behavioralist -- though are they specifically called behavioralists, or are they just trainers? As difficult as she is I know I'd be sad if we gave her away to some stranger (I cried when my favorite catfish died, lol). She's just so much trouble relative to the amount of happiness she brings us! Our vet has also suggested that we try a medication for her, so we'll see if that helps along with consulting a behavioralist.

Thanks again so much for your replies and advice, I just can't say how much I appreciate it. *hugs*