Men & women, can they ever be only friends? Your thoughts

I know I have friends of both genders and so does hubby. It's not a big deal. Neither of us excludes the other nor do we need to be chaperoned. If I have one who insists upon behaving inappropriately, guy or girl, we won't be friends long. My choice. I just have no interest in that sort of rubbish. Same for hubby. It's honestly never been a point of contention.

I also agree wih this, I have seen a guy put his GUY friends before his SO & I have seen girls do the same thing with their female friends too. I wouldn't put my FEMALE friends before my OH so I wouldn't put my male friends before my OH either.

I think that's what it comes down to, not the gender of the friends but who the person in the relationship puts first.

That being said, if one of my friends guy or girl needs cheering up, then I will do something like take them to a movie (OH doesn't like movies... ESP scary ones lol)

I usually have my friends come over for cheering up anyway because *I* hate the movies (so I wont be as cheering up as if I were in a place I didnt hate) and what not but people dont come out to me or call me for that anyway since I A) dont have access to a car most days and B) live in BFE lol

I have the same issue with same sex friends disrespecting relationships. If you can't respect my relationship then I really don't want to be around that person much anyway.


But I do feel there is a differene between male/male, female/female and male/female. Maybe it is just my experience with other sex friends who wouldn't have hesitated to make it a friends with benefits type deal but it is also different in the way society perceives it. There doesn't have to be anything sexual in a relationship in order for it to be perceived that way and while rumors are rumors they can and often DO hurt relationships. I don't surround myself with people who are like that but still it is just not a battle against society I want to fight an it isn't a position I want to put myself in

But again I didn't have any super male female relationships to begin with so no biggie here

All of my female friendship social time pretty mich happens during the day while hubby is at work. I don't really enjoy going out for a girls night when I know hubby is just sitting at home alone. I'd rather be with him lol. I don't have anywhere near as much fun with anyone else as I do with him. He is my best friend and when I am out while he is home i am usually thinkin about how I can't wait to get back home and hang out with him lol

This. I don't want to put myself in a situation where people are questioning my relationship.

I think it's important to emphasize too that I didn't just cut all ties with every male in my life the day I got married. I still have several strong friendships with guys I've known since I was a kid. When they're in town and want to go to dinner, Zach comes with me (because it feels uncomfortable not to have him there), but I would never turn them down just because I was married. As time has gone on, those friendships have started to fade due to time and distance (some I haven't seen in 5+ years), but the same has happened to female friends I knew when I was younger.

What I didn't do though was actively pursue close new friendships with guys. I have no need to do that.

As a bit of a tangent, I don't think it's right to have any one who is a better friend than your spouse, regardless of gender. If you have a person who you are more comfortable talking to than your spouse, that indicates a relationship deficiency in my mind, and in the case of our relationship would be a cause for counseling.

I'm one who has mostly guy friends, I can't stand hanging out with most girls LOL. I have one close female friend and the rest of my friends are guys. Most of them are Eric's friends, so we all hang out together. But one of my best friends is a guy (who's also one of Eric's friends) who I've known since Eric & I started dating, and him & I talk more than Eric & him do now.

It's never caused any issues. He lives in GA now and I do go see him when he's home, sometimes with Eric, sometimes without. He also happens to be good friends with the girl I hang out with, so us 3 hang out sometimes too.

Eric has a few girls he talks to, I know all of them. There is one I think crosses the line a bit (texts him more often that I'd like), and I've talked to him about not talking to her as much anymore.

We've been together almost 8yrs., married since April. I'm not going to tell him that NO he can't have ANY female friends, and if he tried to tell me that I couldn't have any guy friends, there'd probably be issues.

He's never once wanted to go hang out one on one with any of them, so that's never come up.. I'll admit that that'd probably be an issue for me, based on some of the things he's done in the past.

I do have this in my relationship BUT mine isnt a normal marriage. My husband has Aspergers and sometimes I dont want to have to explain every little thing to him if I'm upset. I want to just cry, and spill not worry about if I conveyed my thoughts in a way he can understand.

ETA: it doesnt make the person a better friend then my spouse anyone Im like this with I have known longer then him but they are not better friends they just fill a hole that my husband can't always accomplish without one of us getting frustrated. I do end up repeating it to him when I have the patience to go through the motions that I have to when talking to him.

This...especially the not needing to be chaperoned.

I do not understand how it is respectful to your SO not have opposite sex/gender friends. I trust my SO not to do something stupid, I trust his friends, and he trusts me and my friends. That, to me, is respectful.

Giving up friends because something could potentially happen is so ludicrous to me.

Bolded anded by me , but I firmly believe this.

He is my best friend and truly the other half of me.
I don't want to spend time with anyone else. I don't have time for anyone else. My friends know this and act appropriately

What's funny is I really worried about this when I was engaged. I have always gotten along better with guys than girls, and as such always had more male friendships. My campus minister in college counseled me that I was going to have to change my ways when I got married, and I was really frustrated and upset that he suggested that.

And then I got married, and I just didn't have a need for male friendships anymore. My husband fulfills all that those guy friends offered and more. I now wonder why I was so concerned about not pursuing friendships with guys, because I have no desire to do it at all now.

Agreed again lol

I have guy friends from high school (my Buddies from when I was on the wrestling team) and we will talk on facebook and if we are in town we might meet up for coffee but i don't ever tell Brian "stay home so we can catch up alone". I just don't feel the need to exclude him like that

When he was looking for a new job I had plans for Hannah and I to go over to a girlfriends house but I knew he would just be sitting home sad about the work situation so I texted my friend and asked if she would mind if i brought hubby along. No problem. He came along and we had a nice visit

Same here.

We both value our marriage. However, we also respect each other enough to realize that our partner is an adult who can make wise decisions. If my husband stays home to watch the kiddo while I go to a movie with a male friend (and we often go to movies solo since our sitter is not always available), so be it. He does not assume we are out doing anything but going to a movie. Same goes for when he does things with female friends. Why would it be any different if I stayed home while he went with a male friend to a movie? Why should their genitalia matter? His female friends are no more likely to flirt with him than his male friends. Same for my friends. *shrug*
I'm sure it is not that way in other relationships, but for myself, I would find it extremely offensive to males to assume that they are incapable of being around a female without wanting to get into their pants. Or offensive to me that I'm just want to jump on any penis. But, I have always chosen relationships with people who are not uncomfortable with opposite sex friendships and the person I married is one of those people.

Mind you, I dislike people as a whole, so I go out with friends so rarely that he's probably thrilled that I am doing anything at all.

We both just assume that if anything seems anything more than a normal friendship, we'll deal with it in an appropriate manner. I know for a fact that if my husband were out with a female friend who acted flirty, he'd be extremely offended and would put the kabash on that. (this happened to him, one time, years and years ago. He still will not hang out with that person outside of something like a group situation) And I'd do the same. But, we don't go out assuming that everyone of the opposite sex must want to flirt with us. That is simply ridiculous (to us)

I'll also note that in many cases, I would be more than welcome to hang out with his female friends and he for whatever they're doing. As I've said, I dislike hanging out with people I don't know well and/or groups. So I always decline. Much happier to hang out at home.

I probably have the same amount of guy friends as girl friends. Absolutely no problem, hubby has no problem with it, he trusts me 100%. He also knows I can take care of myself and if someone made a move on me, that would be the last time they ever thought of it and that would be the end of that friendship.

Ok there seems to be confusion about something. Everyone keeps saying "My spouse is an adult who can make his own decisions and if that decision is to hang out with opposite sex friends so be it, I trust him"

I won't speak for everyone else but it seems to me that it's not that some of us are deciding for our spouses. We are deciding for OURSELVES to not seek out solo friendship time with members of the opposite sex, we just happen to have spouses who also made that choice for THEMSELVES. Not him making the choice for me or not trusting me, it's ME making that choice for MYSELF within our marriage.

I'm just not comfortable with hanging out with a guy by myself while my husband sits at home alone. If you are, good for you, you do what you are comfortable with but don't make it sound like people who do differently are neurotic women who can't trust their man and therefore keep him locked up at home and not allow him to do anything LOL. it is just not something I feel the need to do. I just don't have any desire to forge friendships with other men. that's not to say that I don't have male friends at all. We have couples that we are friends with and I would consider my friends husband to also be my friend because we all enjoy hanging out together and I am just as comfortable chatting with him as I am with her and vice versa but I really have zero desire to see if he wants to catch a movie with me. it's just not something I feel the need to persue.

It has nothing to do with not trusting my husband or not letting him make his own choices. it's just a choice I am making for myself and luckily he feels the same way. now the other day he went out for lunch with the boss lady at work (well the company that holds his contract not the boss from the buildilng he actually works in if that makes sense lol) to talk about how the job was going and what the future for that job may hold and eat. No big deal but it's not a habit he chooses to pursue. HE chooses being the key there. It's just something we mutually agree on in our marriage and it doesn't affect our trust in each other, or oppress each other or anything of he sort. We have a very strong and happy marriage

I will step up and say , yes I am Neurotic and SUPER jealous , I know what a catch he is .
He is the same way for a different reason , He has been hurt a couple times , badly and just has a hard time trusting and not being jealous.

Thats ok for us though , we know that about each other and know how the other will react in each situation. We are okay with it . He knows I will hurt a bitch and he will run a dude over who encroaches. all good in da hood! lol

We just prefer to spend any time we have not working together , even if it is sitting at the table watching tv while chilling with the kids. That is heaven for us.

I am crazy and I know it. Thats ok.

Of course you can be just friends. Most of my best friends are guys, and that's not going to change, not even if a boyfriend acts jealous or if he wants me to stop being friends with them. Sorry but my friends come first. NO way I would change my friends or push my friends away because of a guy. I'm not jealous either, jealousy IMO comes from mistrust and I couldn't be in a relationship with someone that doesn't trust me.

I'm not a jealous person either, neither is my husband but my friends most DEFINITELY do NOT come first. My husband comes first. Well... God comes first but for people My husband/the father of my beautiful child comes first HANDS DOWN. I pledged my life and my love to him for the rest of our lives as did he. I have friends, some good friends but he is my VERY VERY BEST friend.

I did end up dating one of my best friends of the opposite gender, thought that's rather a wacky story I'm not gonna share now. That said I do have quite a lot of female friends relative to male friends, for whatever reason. When I was younger (16-24) the girls I had gone out with would absolutely lose it if I even looked in the general direction of another female. I felt I had to dump any female friends I had anytime I went into a relationship.

I'm getting older now though (a whopping 29) and I would not drop any female friends I had to be with anyone. I've become of the mind that if I cannot trust my partner to be faithful, why am I in a relationship with her? And I'd expect if someone really did not trust me to keep my pants on around others (or at least, my underwear! I reserve the right to walk around half naked in my house during the summer!) that they probably should not be in a relationship with me.

I have one female friend that I chat with quite a bit on texts, and in the past it did get me some funny looks from my ex. But since I wasn't interrupting our time together to chat with her, nothing ever really came out of it. But I mean, that would have been an issue regardless of whether it's a guy friend or girl friend. It's a pretty mean thing to do to interrupt someone so you can chat with someone else on text

Which, naturally, is why I make a point of doing it with my current GF (the aforementioned best friend) to annoy her as much as possible. opcorn:

My SO is a really flirty person in general, but since we've been in a relationship, she has kept her male friends but no longer acts flirty with them or tolerates them flirting back with her. We did have an issue with this as recently as last Saturday night when we were at a halloween party. She wore a rather revealing outfit and one of her male friends took that to mean he can touch her anywhere he wants and talk dirty with her. When she told him off the third time, he was apparently (I retreated to a dark corner out of sight at this time to regenerate my Happiness Points. Introverts and Parties are a difficult combination on my willpower) rather upset because she had allowed him to do such things in the past when she was single. So he got cut out as a friend in part because it would definitely upset me if she did not do so, but mostly because he's a pig.

I think it's fine for some people, but not for others. For the Mr. and I it's no problem at all. I've frequently traveled to perform and rather than being a lone female on my own, I would bring my male photographer friend. Rather than being jealous, I think it's eased my husbands mind to know that I wasn't all alone in an unknown city but had a chaperone who was actively looking out for me. This friend is also a good friend of the hubs. We trust each other and when we have stuff that the other doesn't want to do, we have no issues with each other going without the other.

That said, if I felt that someone was acting inappropriately then I would address that situation directly.

I think you've summed it up perfectly