An Actual conversation that just took place in my house

milos_mommy

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#1
This was a small portion of a much bigger argument, filled with the same logic.

My mom: I do all the laundry for everyone in this house. Except for your dad. And yours. Which I only don't do because I don't have time. But I'm the only one otherwise who does laundry.

Me: So why don't you tell your 18 year old son who sits in his room playing video games for 12 hours a day to wash his own **** clothes?

My mother: THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOUR BROTHER. HE IS NOT THE PROBLEM HERE.

Me: ....you just complained that you have to do everyone in the house's laundry except for mine and my dad's. THE ONLY OTHER PERSON IN THIS HOUSE iS MY BROTHER.

Mom: *walks away and slams doors*


She then blew up because my dad said to her "what do you want to do for dinner". She waited until he left the room and then started yelling at me for never making dinner. And if she doesn't make dinner no one will and my dad and brother will go to her at 10 pm and say they hadn't eaten dinner yet and they're starving.

They are two adult men. They're not going to starve to death. They are capable of feeding themselves. We have plenty of food in our refrigerator, most of which is already prepared. And, if that's too complicated for them, they both drive, have cars, and make enough money to go out and get themselves dinner - which is what they do every night if my mother is away for some reason.
 

Dogdragoness

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#2
Gosh I live with my folks right now part time (thurs-mon i stay with OH) but I pull my own weight by helping with dinner, doing my own clothes & feeding myself if need be.

Nothing pisses me off more then someone who won't pull their own weight.
 

JessLough

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#3
I feel like we live in the same house... except I have a sister here too. That conversation was way too familiar. Oh, and my brother is like, 20. Oh and my mom doesn't blow up about it... she just makes comments :p
 

milos_mommy

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#5
Nothing pisses me off more then someone who won't pull their own weight.
I have something:

People who flip out at a third party because others don't pull their weight, after said person DOES EVERYTHING for the ones not pulling their weight.

Or people who do something for someone else and then acts like they're the biggest saint on the planet and no one appreciates them and they're forced into slave labor.
 
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#8
Sounds way too familiar.

Ever hear the phrase "mothers with narcissistic personality disorder?"

Not saying that's going on, but what you're describing sure fits parts of the behavioral patterns.
 

Beanie

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#9
((((HUGS)))) ugh. Been through arguments like that. =< Here's what I've started doing... remembering that I do not have to attend every argument I am invited to... and if I can tell it's not productive, I say that, and I leave the argument.
Of course this INFURIATES my mom when I point out we are not having a productive discussion so I am not going to argue anymore, but I sure feel a lot better...
 

Dogdragoness

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#11
True, others not pulling their own weight can be exaserbated by those who enable.

I was just venting a little on ppl who take advantage of others giving nature. My mom is having to take care of my grandma & one of my aunts always has excuses as to why she can't make it down here for her "turn" (my mom rotates 2 week shifts with her three sisters) so I can kind of relate
 

CaliTerp07

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#12
Maybe your mom is just crazy (I obviously don't know her!) but is it possible that the frustration and stress isn't about laundry or dinner at all, and there's something else that's got her on edge?

I know when I'm really stressed about work, I'll snap at Zach for the stupidest things and make mountains out of molehills. My mom is currently...not her best...because she's frustrated and upset that my adult sister (at 25) is still living at home with no real career prospects, despite having a college degree and good grades. Despite the fact that my sis absolutely does all her own chores and fends for herself in the kitchen, my mom is a ball of nerves and gets upset over things that shouldn't justify so much emotion because she doesn't know how/where to direct her true frustrations.
 

Saeleofu

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#13
my adult sister (at 25) is still living at home with no real career prospects, despite having a college degree and good grades. Despite the fact that my sis absolutely does all her own chores and fends for herself in the kitchen
The fact of the matter is a degree doesn't get you anything anymore. I'm in a very similar position, but I'm working on my 2nd degree, this one with a more specific focus (zoo science) and I've got my foot in the door at the local zoo.

That said, I do everyone's laundry (really everyone's, not just mine and one other person's :rofl1:), pay for and/or make dinner (for everyone) a couple times a week, and help out wherever else I can between my two jobs and school.

My older brother, on the other hand...he's 31, has no degree, dropped out of college several times (only goes at the beginning of the semester to get the financial aid), and talks big about his future career...but never does anything to pursue it. And he makes more money than anyone else in the house, and NEVER helps out. He might buy dinner once a month, but then you're supposed to be FOREVER GRATEFUL AND INDEBTED to him for it. He pretends he pays for the chicken feed and my parents' dog food, but then when he's broke (2 days after he gets paid) he asks for the money to cover the feed. Last week he gave my parents $100 for utilities, then asked for it back the next day because he "misbudgeted." :rolleyes:
 

CaliTerp07

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#14
The fact of the matter is a degree doesn't get you anything anymore.
Well, she chose to get a degree in a field that has no future outside of academia or law school (and she doesn't want to be a lawyer). She also doesn't want to move out of state where there ARE jobs (I have offered to try to get her a position here, but she doesn't want to leave California). It's a mess of a situation. And the longer it goes on without her making progress, the harder it's going to be to find a career with long term prospects vs. a job that semi-pays the bills.
 

Laurelin

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#15
Move. Move far away. My relationship with my dad got better when I wasn't in the same house as him. People are crazy when confined together.
Yep this. I think it's hard being an adult and living with parents/siblings/etc sometimes. Especially parents if you're expecting to be treated like an adult. I moved back in with my ad for a little while after college and omg, I was so frustrated with all the 'You need to clean your room!' etc etc etc. Much nicer relationship now that I have my own space so we're not constantly clashing about keeping the house just right.

Maybe your mom is just crazy (I obviously don't know her!) but is it possible that the frustration and stress isn't about laundry or dinner at all, and there's something else that's got her on edge?
That too.
 

Fran101

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#17
Move. Move far away. My relationship with my dad got better when I wasn't in the same house as him. People are crazy when confined together.
This.
I love my parents I really do but there is just something about not living with them that just..
I dunno.. bliss? lol

I have met some people who live with the parents and it just WORKS.. my parents and I are not like that lol apart we are close as can be.. living in the same home we do nothing but butt heads and bicker.
 

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