Ok since this thread is well on it's way to being derailed anyway. I bit my tongue when I saw her comment and here it goes.
Now, while I would have never wandered into a pregnancy thread just to say something like what DD said (manners and all)..I know that when I was younger, it was something I know I thought a lot.
A little age, a little experience, here is my 2 cents girl. Please take it to heart.
You are not the weight on the scale or what your tummy looks like or what your hair is doing that day. You need to stop wrapping your self worth around this kind of stuff.
Ok, let's say you NEVER get pregnant (vanity and all), your body is going to change. You will get old, your youth will leave, these things are NATURAL and if who you are and your vanity define you..you will crash and burn.
You need to accept that there are MANY MANY things in this world that are worth more than your body. Please, from someone who has gone through it..it is NOT a pretty world to live in thinking that way.
I am not saying you need to have babies or not care about your body but please, for the love of all that is good, you need to get your vanity in check. Because to go as far as to look at other women, to see what you consider "UN-attractive" and actually can't figure out why they would "do that to themselves" ..it's a pretty big red flag of body dysmorphia.
Nobody is saying you need to want to make that choice. but to actually not be able to understand why somebody else would..is troubling.
I see pregger women at the store waddling around & I think "why do that to yourself?" It's seems so ... Unattractive lol (don't mean to be insensitive ... Just saying) also I she seen a lot of women after baby & it's not mug better ... No thanks, not worth it for me.
From someone who has been in your shoes. Who cringed at pregnant women, at people who were overweight, at ANYONE who dared not care about their body as much as I was obsessed about mine.
It's unhealthy. It's not a fun path to go down..trust me. The sense of entitlement, the smugness..that will quickly underweight the anxiety and wretchedness that comes with this kind of unhealthy obsession.
I used to look at pregnant women, at happy "haven't lost the baby weight yet" mothers and have the same kind of smug passive aggressiveness you are showing right now.
I'm a nice person, but I was sick. and I really fear for you.
because as my brain was telling me that I needed to be thinner, eat less, be perfect, stay perfect.
seeing these women, fat and HAPPY, it made me mad. It made me want to make them feel lesser, to make them see how I would feel if I gained weight..and I would let out the same little comments you have in this thread, in my head.
How DARE THEY gain weight and be happy?! How dare they make the choice to get pregnant knowing what it would do to them?! There are people who don't obsess about their bodies like I do?! Not only did it make me mad, it made me mean.
While I stared at the scale and prided myself on everything my body was. Gloated in the double glances boys took when I ran by, put my self worth on how I looked in a bikini.
It was INCONCEIVABLE in my mind that these people were as happy or lucky as I was.
and then I got better. and I got older, gained some perspective..and learned how much more I am than the outside. My body is more than just something for guys to look at and I don't owe the world perfection.
Now I look at pregnant women and see someone just like me, someone with wants.. this person just decided she wanted to have a baby.
Who cares about something as trivial as your body in comparison to something as life changing as a child if you really wanted one?
Now I know that I would happily sacrifice the abs and the toned thighs for something I truly wanted because IT IS NOT IMPORTANT. Those things aren't who I am. It's an important perspective to understand.
I also know that when I do lose these things..when the abs are covered by fat and my thighs giggle when I run and my boobs sag.. I will not lose myself. I will not freak out or think less of myself or worry about everyone else judging me because I waddle or my thighs rub together.
because it doesn't matter and these things will happen.
Now, I don't know you. I'm not claiming I do. but I do recognize the kind of dark hateful things I found in myself when I was sick. Not even when I was REALLY sick or obsessed or unheathy.. just the kind of unhealthy early stage of the kind of mental sickness. The little early warning signs I look back on look A LOT like those comments.
Before I was the girl who threw up, stopped eating, who went to the gym twice a day, counted calories, went to rehab, nearly died.
I was a regular teenage girl who "didn't get" fat people and pregnant people. Who couldn't sympathize or understand anyone who would "destroy" their bodies like they had. Who made passive aggressive little comments, who said rude things under the guise of "no offense intended.." and who prided herself in her vanity. Just like you.
I know you think that people are over-reacting, that you really don't get it and I know you probably aren't a bad person at all.
but you need to understand that you are hurting people with your words
and more-so than that, you are hurting yourself for continuing to reinforce yourself for thinking that way.
That little voice in your that feels..joyous.. when you say something like that, when you make someone else feel bad, when you put your vanity above all else including other people.
That little voice is not healthy for you.
and every time you say something mean or put yourself "above" someone who is what you see as "lesser/unattractive" (which I know you don't see but you ARE DOING)
that little voice gets stronger
until it is all you are.