honest opinion - roommate again

So you may know my roommate and I are not on particularly great terms (see older thread on the boyfriend issues). She seems to find everything that I do a problem, which doesn't bode well for either of us.

The newest of which was a note on our whiteboard when I returned this evening after a day of errands saying "please don't sit on the couch. I'm washing the cushions since you have been sick."

Backstory - I have a cold. Not some deadly illness. I have not been vomiting. I have not been blowing my nose into her pillows. No fever anymore, just a cough and a stuffy nose. I've just been sitting on the couch to watch TV/do work and yesterday I took a nap there since the weather was nice and I could open the screen door to the balcony (with my own pillow for my head). Other backstory is that the couch is hers, but like all furniture in the common areas of the apartment, has been (or so I thought?) assumed to be shared while we live there.

I told her (via whiteboard... sadly how we've come to communicate lately) that her request was absurd, but that I would make sure to sit on a sheet on the couch until I get better. I then left the apartment and haven't been back to see her response (which I am 99% positive will be a pissy retort, most likely regarding the fact that the couch is hers and that she is especially sensitive because she has asthma ). Keep in mind she also panicked when my boyfriend was diagnosed with mono and insisted that we both eat off of disposable dishes and silverware until he recovered (never mind that we have a dishwasher :rofl1... and I think she's unaware that we're both periodically infectious having been previously affected, but I'm not about to tell her that

So honest opinions. Does she have the right to kick me off the couch (which means no watching TV unless I sit on the floor 3 feet away from the screen) while I have a cold?

I really don't want her to get sick... but seriously!?!? I'm so ready to get out of this place! I swear I'm not an awful roommate, but she makes me feel like I am sometimes!

It is absurd. Colds are spread through the air anyway.

I'd print this page out and hang it up, and highlight the following:
http://www.cdc.gov/parainfluenza/about/transmission.html

Then I'd suggest she get a face mask like the type used to prevent the spread of infection in hospitals, and wear it not only in the house, but everywhere she comes into contact with air that other people have breathed.


You might want to go a different route if you have to live with her very long though.

ETA: She can't get sick just from you leaving germs on the couch though, unless she touches the couch and then gnaws on her fingers, or picks her nose or pokes her eyeballs. So as long as she's practicing good hygiene, maybe keep some hand sanitizer nearby and wear a mask she'll probably not get sick.

Either that, or she'll definitely get sick because her immune system is so coddled she won't be able to handle the tiniest amount of cold germ exposure.

Absurd, yes. Unless you were leaving something detectable on it, she's ridiculous. Disposable dishes? That goes beyond prissy into stupidity. I'm going to guess there isn't room in your place to have two sets of dishes, two sets of cutlery, two couches, two chairs, two dining tables etc. If she wants to put her stuff up for common use she can deal with other people using it.

It's only going to get worse. Just get out.

It's like relationships. . . it's only as good as it starts out as. You might be able to fix things, but if she's being passive-aggressive already it's NOT going to get better.

I'm a total germ-phobe, so I get that she's freaking out over stuff, but she's freaking out unreasonably. Disposable utensils? Mono is killed with bleach and boiling water. Toss stuff in the dishwasher and you're good. Putting a sheet on the couch is reasonable enough, but you might as well cover the whole apartment in sheets. As long as she's not making out with you, she should be fine.

I flipped out and disinfected the whole apartment when the floor was covered in poop. I think that's reasonable. Or when the bathroom was covered in dirty toilet water. Or if there is raw meat on the counter. That kind of thing makes sense, but not letting you use the couch is ridiculous.

Oh, and THIS.

In roommate situations I have not offered up use of my couches because they're WHITE. Hell no. I am not going to require that other people don't eat on the couch or only drink clear liquids on the couch. Or keep their dogs off of it. That's insane. I'm the one stupid enough to buy white couches. Not anyone else.

I think that's just plain rude and just.. not nice.

Especially if you aren't feeling well, and the furniture is in the COMMON AREA.
COMMON.
If she wanted the couch to follow her rules she should keep it in her room.
It's a cold, not the zombie virus!

I would sit on that couch like crazy. Even take photos of it.

I vote moving out, but I also vote: stop writing notes. Both of you, that is. Y'all have to talk about it in person because it's way harder to be this snarky face to face. If she's still a snarky asshole when you try to work it out, she's just a snarky asshole and you'll have to move on.

Unless you have and I just need to message board more.

Leave a print out of what Romy posted, then attach a mask to the note for her use. You are being considerate and providing the mask for her.

So I am pretty sure your roommate is crazy. I would get out of there ASAP, especially because it sounds like things are just going to get worse and not better.

I am sorry you have to deal with this. We have a renter right now, and we just can't stand him. He leaves in like a week so that is a good thing. We have decided no renters ever again. It is not worth it.

She is flat out cray. It is not normal to insist people use disposable dishes and silverware for being sick with something that is easily killed in the dishwasher. There will be no compromise possible with this one, and compromise is essential for living with another human being.

If you can get out, get out and don't look back.

It will never improve.

Move out.

Just about a month more til she moves out. Then I have the place to myself for the summer and then I move out to live with a previous roommate and some good friends. I can't wait.

An update on the situation. I received an affronted text for misinterpreting her because apparently the "please don't sit on the couch" portion of the message was only intended to mean while the cushion covers were being washed. That's entirely understandable (albeit slightly self-explanatory in my opinion... kind of like saying "please don't sleep in the bed until the sheets are back on..." Well, no sh*t, Sherlock). Of course, I'm actually slightly surprised that she wasn't speaking about couch use in general, given previous incidents.

But all is calm again in the land of the apartment. Stay tuned - I'm sure there'll be a new complaint soon.


ETA - to the poster that recommended speaking in person: yes I know that would be the ideal form of communication, and we were pretty good at it at first. But unfortunately, as time wore on, the complaints kept coming, and our friendship began to crumble, it got harder and harder to deal with her face to face. Believe it or not, we were actually good friends before we decided to room together.

Of course, I'm much less confrontational than she can be and conflicts typically end with me in tears and/or shutting down and just going along with whatever she has proposed as a "compromise." I can also be stubborn sometimes, which I think frustrates her to no end (understandably). Some of the "compromises" that have been made, she undoubtedly believes were real compromises whereas I tend to feel I drew the short straw because I just wanted the conflict to end. Which, to be honest, combined with my stubbornness means that I haven't been 100% at abiding by the compromises (I know this doesn't reflect the best on me). Anyhow, with that in mind, the confrontations continued (with me reacting in my usual way), so I started avoiding her altogether and alas, this is what has ensued. It's actually pretty amazing how easy it is to live in the same space with nothing but a wall separating your beds, but manage to avoid seeing a person for days at a time.

Basically here's a little synopsis of each of us:

Her: introvert, prefers to spend most of her free time alone, although she's not shy by any means. Very neat and clean. Germophobe. Extremely liberal, which is funny because living wise, she's one of the most conservative people I know. Doesn't like parties, drinking, or late nights. Has a boyfriend, but she rarely sees him because he lives 8+ hours away. Studious. Likes cold.

Me: introvert, but I like to be around people. I'm a little more cautious than she is about meeting new people, but once I know someone, I like their company and would rather have quiet company than be alone. Clean, but not particularly neat (i.e - clutter doesn't bother me too much, but dirt/dirty dishes absolutely do). Not a big drinker, don't like wild parties, and I don't stay up late. Have a boyfriend who lives in the area. Studious. Likes warmth.

On paper, we sound like we'd get along alright even though there's a few differences. But alas, that was bad decision #1.

what a total and complete crackpot O_O im so sorry you have to deal with that, holy **** :yikes:

Yea, when it gets to the note writing instead of talking phase, it's not going to improve. Been there, had the 9 page handwritten diatribe from said roomie to prove it. >.< Glad you only have a month left!