Men & women, can they ever be only friends? Your thoughts

Yes they can. My best friend is a guy. He helped me through a bunch of super hard times and I've helped him through some horrible family issues. He's even the one friend I have mentioned was suicidal.

I didn't go out looking for a guy friend it just happened. I've always told every guy I have dated that my best friend is a guy. If they have an issue they are gone. If they can't accept that someone who has helped me with so much happens to have a penis I can already say its not going to work out anyway.

I have friends of all sexes... and genders. I have different friends for different reasons. Some of them like football and some of them don't - both sexes. Some of them knit and some of them don't - both sexes. Some of them I can trust for when my life is falling apart and some of them I can't - both sexes.
Their parts don't really come into the equation, to be honest, and I'm not sure why so many people put that much emphasis on it. I get that some people do... I just don't. And I don't really think it's entirely necessary. But to each their own as long as they don't try to mess with me and mine.

Laci Green has a video on the subject =)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=--AcYR6axgA&sns=em

This. This. This.

This is also how Josh and I operate. He doesn't have any female friends (he had one... that didn't work out. Lol.) and I have one guy friend that I have been friends with since middle school, but I don't really talk to much anymore.

This is pretty much how I feel, too.

Although I can't say that I really had any close guy friends to begin with. Sure I had guys that were friends but it definitely wasn't totally innocent. They had no qualms about letting me know they would like to add benefits to the title of friends lol so needless to say I didn't continue those friendships after I was married.

We have couples friends and it wouldn't be weird if we were all meetig somewhere and friends hubby and I got there first and chatted while we waited for our spouses to arrive but I wouldn't call him up and be like HEY want to leave your wife at home and hang out solo. Lol it just isn't something i am overly interested in persuing

My thing is, is that you wouldn't ask a female to get rid of her female or a guy to get rid of their guy friends. There is no reason to ask me to give up someone I have gone through just as much if not more than I have with my girl friends.

And realistically we've had about eight years to hammer out if we are going to have sex or date and it came up as a negative. If that feels threatening to you then it's just kin of a that sucks for you sort of thing.

And speaking of respect if my guy can't respect me enough to allow me to pick my own friends its not going to last very long.

My last relationship ended because it was when my friend was talking about killing himself. I ended up calling the police to go check on him. I had been on the phone with him for days begging him to get help and my ex was like why do you even need guy friends now any way?

Not only did I dump him I had gone four hours out of my way to pick him up and bring Jim over to hang out I kicked him out and he found his way home on his own.

My friends are my friends regardless of gender and if you can't deal you are the one who will be gone not them.

Yoko, I understand your frustration, and you have every right to care about your best friend. It sounds like your ex had some serious jealousy/insecurity issues. There is a difference between forcing you to get rid of friends the second you are in a relationship, and choosing not pursuing new friendships.

My other comment is that there is also a difference between a dating relationship that may or may not last, and a marriage that is supposed to be forever. When we said our vows we promised to "forsake all others"--that is, not to let anyone (or anything) come between our relationship to each other. We constantly make choices to put the other person first.

Agree with Cali again.

There is a difference between a boyfriend making the decision for you that you have to get rid of said friend and making a conscious decision yourself that pursuing male friendships isn't something you want to do in your marriage. There is nothing wrong with a couple sitting down and mutually agreeing that opposite sex friendships aren't important enough to engage in. It is up to each person and couple to decide amongst themselves what they feel is appropriate or "worth it" and what isn't

Heck you don't even have to have an actual sexual relationship for one to e fabricated by others.

When Josh and I first started dating, he was best friends with a girl named Danielle whom he had never met in person, just online and on his phone. I was alright with him being friends with her... Until she broke up with her boyfriend and her texts to him started to get a little too flirty. I had an acquaintance relationship established with her and I asked her why she was being so flirty with Josh. She straight up told me that she was in love with him. I told her to stop talking to him, and she said "I have no obligation to you or to your relationship. I can do whatever I please." Josh said he had no feelings for her, but I told him right then and there, that he would stop talking to her or I would leave. It was getting in between us and as we were in a serious relationship, we both felt that we need to respect each other and make compromises in order to avoid hurting the other person. So he stopped talking to her... Or so I thought. He has not spoken to her for a year now (that I know of) but after I told him to stop speaking to her, I caught him talking to her on three different occasions over a period of a year and a half. Why fight so hard to speak to someone against the will of someone you love if the feelings are truly only platonic? Wouldn't the person you love, and their feelings, come first in that situation? Likewise, I had a male friend that was always very forward with me when Josh and I started dating, and he asked me to stop speaking to him, and I did. I felt my relationship was more important than allowing a lesser relationship to cause problems. To me, it's all about compromise and respecting the wishes of one another, even if you don't always agree with their wish, you do it to keep them happy because their happiness is important to you.

On the question, though, I do think men and women can just be friends... But I don't think those sorts of relationships are common.

I think that men and women can friends, absolutely. But I also agree with Cali. I will meet up with male friends if, for example, I visit my family in Germany by myself, and would like to catch up with old friends. There are no trust issues in situations like that, but I would not go hang out with a male friend while Dan sits at home.

I.... Don'tthink about if one has a penis or vagina before I start a friendship with them. I'm on the side of its doable.

I will say Jeremy has dropped quite a few since we got married/serious. Some for issues other then them being female (really into partying and what not) and others because they were ex's he was friends with and THEY couldnt stay within boundries to the point it was NOT pretty. I told him once either I go or they go.

He had taken one to a concert since he had a free ticket and she wanted to go. He ran it past me and I said cool whatever. Well he calls me after to talk on the phone and OH MY GOD. If she wasnt trying to ***** herself out to him then I dont know WHAT she was trying. He didn't "get" it until I told him after that it made me REALLY uncomfortable especially since we lived 10 hrs apart. She and I had been friends prior to this incident so she KNEW how serious we were. She kept going on and on about when they were dating and flirting and just UGH.

The other was the same situation to the point of her telling him I was being a controlling bitch because I wouldn't "let" him go to school when we could NOT afford it.

That being said we now pretty much share friends. Hes friends with my long time friends and my new friends. Hes friends with people at work but they stay work friends.

ETA: he does have some from his past jobs still and some from Firefighter EMT school that I have no problems with and some Im friends with even.

This sums it up for me.

OH I definitely notice if a person is male or female. I may not be like HEY you are a guy... but I definitely know if I'm friending a guy or a girl. I don't duck and run if a guy talks to me

but like Jules said, I wouldn't be like "hey male friend lets go out to a movie" while my husband (my BEST friend) sits at home by himself. Some people would do that and that's fine for them. it's just not something I would be comfortable doing myself.

same here. heck I dont really go out with my other friends without him unless he happens to be at work. If hes off I want to be with HIM not other people.

This

I have had relationships end because my friends are my friends regardless of gender or sexual orientation & any guy who I date that has a problem with it either needs to get over it or he would be gone

Thank god I have a really good guy now that has female friends & that doesn't bother me, so I was upfront with the male friends I had & had had for a long time because they know I'm in a relationship & respect it, those who don't aren't my friends anymore, it goes both ways

There is a major difference between having friends of the opposite gender, and choosing to spend time with them instead of with (or without) your spouse. I have plenty of guy friends. My husband and I often do things with those friends. I would feel very uncomfortable though telling Zach, "Hey honey, I'm going to go have dinner with [male friend] tonight, so you're on your own for dinner." Either Zach comes with me, or I don't go.

But then, Zach is truly my best friend. I can't imagine being married to someone who wasn't. I realize that's not the case in everyone's marriage.

I think there's a big difference between "I don't want you to be friends with that guy/girl anymore because they clearly have intentions for you" and "I don't want you to be friends with that guy/girl anymore because they are a guy/girl."
As far as forsaking all others goes, that applies to everybody which includes friends of both sexes. I don't see how a man with a female friend is inherently any different than a man with a male friend, or vice versa with the sexes. Especially since there's the whole saying "bros before hos," obviously there are men who believe on putting their MALE friends before their female SO. =P So forsaking all others is not a comment of the sex of the individual involved - it's a comment on the relationship itself.


I'm trying to envision myself being mad if my husband got a phone call from a friend who was suicidal and I just can't do it. But there's probably just a personality difference there.

I wouldn't have a problem with it. Are you cool going out shopping or a girls day with out your husband/bf?

Well my shopping days are video games. Guy is welcome to it but can't get pissy if he doesn't like video games and that's all we do or talk about.

I usually plan it while hes at work because I HATE going shopping with him if I dont have to.

He doesnt understand why I spend money in certain places for the kids and complains no matter how much I explain it LOL.