I'm so done... completely done

This has been the worst uncomfortable weekend ever.

I love my mom, but I really think I need to back off and consider whether it's actually worth it to even stay in contact with her.

Josh and I drove all the way down to Georgia this weekend for my mom's wedding. I'm already unhappy about the wedding, but whatever... I came down because my mom wanted me to. For a little backstory that some of you already know, my mom left my step dad of 20 years and a few months later she was engaged to another man before she was even divorced. She has only been divorced for like 2 months and it hasn't even been a year since she left my step dad. She used to be a really huge woman and my step dad loved her unconditionally regardless. She had gastric bypass surgery, lost a ton of weight and then had a bunch of plastic surgeries making herself look like a cougar type barbie doll and suddenly everything changed and she left my step dad.

I don't like that, but I can live with that I guess. Let's take it a step further though. I get to the house and find that for the most part everything is the same. My mom and step dad had a huge house together that my mom still lives in. All the furniture is still here... everything. All of my step dad's wolf stuff is still here (he is a huge wolf person and use to volunteer with a wolf sanctuary). She didn't let my step dad take anything except his truck and the futon that was in the guest room... and very little furniture. They had TWO kitchen tables... one breakfast table and one formal dining room table. My mom kept both. She kept ALL of the flat screen tvs, bedroom furniture and everything else. She also took down all the pictures. I can understand taking down pictures of my step dad since they aren't married anymore, but she took down ALL the pictures. There are NO pics of me in the house anymore... no pics of my sister or my brother. The ONLY pics that are in this house are photos of her and her new guy and a few pics of his parents. I walked around the entire house and checked out every room and not a single picture of me. I found them all in a box.

She barely talked to me the entire time I've been here. She was so preoccupied with her new guy (who also barely said a word to me and this weekend was my first time meeting him). I didn't know anyone at the wedding and most people didn't even know who I was. I pretty much sat in a corner with my husband and my mom's cousin. My brother sat in another corner the entire reception looking depressed.

Josh and I sat in the back row for her wedding. As soon as she started walking down the aisle I started crying. I couldn't help myself and I tried my best not to make it obvious. All I could think about is how much I miss my step dad and how much I don't like this person my mom is now. She is so into this new guy that she doesn't seem to give two shits about her own children anymore and she is such a material person. Everything is all about this new guy and HIS family. All she talked about with us is how hot he is an how expensive her new ring is. My sister wants nothing to do with her anymore... I'm reaching that point. My brother wants to move out of the house so bad because this guy yells at him and treats him like a little kid when he is 20 years old. She is losing her kids and I don't think she really cares.

I texted my step dad and he told me he hasn't had a chance to get his bike from the garage yet and since I'm looking for a bike so I can take Joey out with me and bike with him, my step dad (or ex step dad technically) told me that he would love to give me the bike. It's a really nice bike too. So, my mom and her new husband came by to get their stuff so they can leave for their honeymoon and wanted to do breakfast with us and her cousin and his wife. We went out to breakfast and I mentioned to her that my step dad offered me his bike and my mother threw a FIT. She said "THAT'S MY BIKE!" First off, it's my step dads... second of all she will NEVER ride the **** bike. I told her it's his and she said, no it's mine now because he left it so it's not HIS to offer you. She said that she paid for it so I asked her if she actually paid for it or if they paid for it with their joint account they had at the time. She said it doesn't matter and then later said I can take it but that it's HER giving it to me not him and that I need to know it's coming from her. wtf??? I found out from my brother that she tried to sell the bike not too long ago at a garage sale so he is confused why she freaked out the way she did.

This is all just a very minor explanation of the weekend. SO much happened that makes me want to cut ties. To top everything off, I was on facebook and noticed one of my cousins commented on my mom's facebook status congratulating her on her marriage. I didn't even know she was facebook friends with this cousin. I surely am not because when I was younger he sexually molested me and I will have nothing to do with him. She knows all about him sexually molesting me when I was younger and now all of a sudden she is friends with him on facebook??? I can't even begin to explain how that makes me feel.

Am I wrong to feel like I don't really want much of a relationship with her?

No. No you aren't wrong to not want to have a relationship with her anymore.
It sounds like she is doing a fine job pushing you all away.

Toxic relationships come in all kinds. Sometimes they come from our family. That doesn't make them much different than any other kind... except more complicated.

She is your mother... but that doesn't mean she has to be your friend or anything like that. I wouldn't cut ALL ties - but I would make a box for her, one pretty far out, and keep her firmly there.

You feel what you feel, there isn't a "wrong" about it. Unfortunately just because she's your mother that doesn't make her someone you want in your life.

If it were me, I would probably not initiate any contact with her and keep all interactions she initiated civil but as impersonal as possible. And I'd probably be too busy or have a prior commitment any time she invited me over.

I actually get the feeling your mum is having done kind of mid life crisis. The dramatic weight loss. The plastic surgery. Divorce. Sudden marriage (is he younger?). Denial of past, but clearly deep rooted issues with the ex (your step father).

Protect yourself, but don't be surprised if there's a bump in the future and she tries to make up.

Maybe its not a crisis and she was unhappy before and this is the real her (before read, overweight, unhappy marriage, dissatisfied).

If I was you, I'd leave her too it. She's an adult, and you don't need a weird child-mum.

What they said.

I understand the conflict you're feeling. I have chosen to have very limited contact with my mother. When you have nagging, guilty feelings (and you will), remind yourself of how she's treated you. (((Hugs)))

I agree with Dizzy. Sounds like she's going through some crap.

However, that doesn't give her an excuse to act like that. Just because they are your parents doesn't mean you have do have a bad relationship with them. Sometimes it is healthier for none at all.

I would personally do as Sass said and just keep minimal contact and not really go over there anymore. If she works out her weird time, then you can reevaluate then.

HUGS , and i would also distance myself as much as i could.

I do that a lot with my family after i realized I could only control how I reacted to there douchyness , not control them into not being douchy.


I know it is wretched to look around at the family you had and it be in ash's .


HUGS and if ya need to vent drop me a line of FB me.


At least you can have a realtionship with your siblings even if ya exclude your mom.

So sorry you had to endure that....sounds terrible. I agree with everyone. Don't let yourself feel bad, she's done enough of that for you already. Go forward and be who you are. I would limit contact with her for your own self preservation. (((Hugs)))

Wow, im sorry you have to go through this! I would do like the others have done, just some making contact, maybe she will coma around, maybe she wont, either way it isn't good for you to be treated like that, by anyone. Just because she is your mother doesn't mean you have to allow her to be part of your life, or force yourself to be part of hers. I have little contact with my mom, see her maybe 2 times a year and talk at Christmas, that's pretty much it.

You don't need explanations or "enough" reasons to want to cut a person out of your life who doesn't make you feel good.
If someone makes your world less happy by being in it, cut them out. Period.


YOLO..as they say.
I try not to waste my time with people who make me feel less than.. you shouldn't either.

This.

Ugh, that sounds absolutely awful I'm so sorry you had to deal with such a miserable weekend.

There is nothing wrong with distancing yourself from her if you need to do that to protect yourself.