By 'teaching not to rape' I meant more on going further into what no means.
Society as a whole has a huge problem with accepting the fact that no means no. Especially when it comes to touching and other people's bodies and ya, that starts as kids.
It’s not a generational thing: this mindset has clearly been ingrained from a pretty early age. How often are we told not to take no for an answer? How often do we see children pestering their parents about getting a new toy until they eventually give in? How often do we see on television shows and in movies a woman “changing her mind†about a man who is persistent enough or who just proves himself worthy? The idea that a woman will change her mind is so ingrained that we can’t always recognize it at first.
and to be fair.. how ARE kids supposed to know what no means when people aren't clear?! You say "No Tommy, you aren't getting that toy. The answer is no, stop that!"
Tommy pitches a fit, Tommy keeps trying..Tommy gets the toy and Tommy learns that no means try harder and keep doing what you are doing and you'll get it.
When someone asks you to stop doing something to them, the next question is always "why?" as if the personal protest of NO is not a good enough answer. You see this a lot in kids.. how many times have you been being poked or something by a child (even if just innocently) told them to stop and answered back with "why? but why?" .. It's innocent enough but it stands on greater problems.
Two kids are chasing each other through a park, you see this a lot in little boys and girls.. the girl is yelling NO GO AWAY EW!! and the little boy is chasing her with a bug or something or trying to hug her to "give her cooties" ( I see this A LOT at playgrounds) the parents are laughing and it is just kids playing BUT what is this teaching the boy? I think kids should be taught that no means no in all things..and it should be taught EARLY.
This is where rape education seems to be lacking. The conversation on prevention shouldn’t just be about how to know when consent is given. How can we even begin to prevent rape if we don’t change the way we look at a person saying the word no? It’s a simple enough lesson, one we’re supposed to learn as children but many don't. Verbal denial (No, stop, I don't want this) is one of the easiest ways to let someone know that you dislike their actions, and yet words are also the easiest things to ignore. If we can’t even listen to verbal cues, how are we supposed to believe that people will pick up on the physical ones? How are we supposed to teach people that consent is not given if the victim is too drunk to make proper decisions or isn't able to move or disabled? We can’t even teach people to stop when we clearly say “no!â€
I'm sure not all sex acts are performed no a "YES" and "YES" basis. But if we can't even teach the world to respect the word NO how the heck is anyone going to know what to look for in subtle body language?
"No" means try harder.
Pushing away means push harder/pinning arms back (how many times you have seen THAT in movies/tv/porn).
"We shouldn't be doing this" "This is so wrong" "I don't want this"..how many times have you heard THAT ONE in movies? Does either party ever stop when one person says this? No. It's seen as romantic, erotic "Yes you do" "This is so right" etc..
Some parents do a great job teaching respect, what no means etc.. but I'm just saying, with many, there is much more to go.
And sure, many people think "Oh well..those things aren't connected. Me letting my son chase an unwilling girl around the playground..or giving him the toy I said no to when he tries harder.. that doesn't co-relate to how he's going to be about sex/consent! He's 7!"
Well, personally, I think the way we are about consent, the word no, respect for the word no..it starts early.
Kids taught mutual respect for other people keep those lessons way after then when it's about playground politics. I've seen it in action and trust me..it makes a difference.
You may see "Mommy but I want this toy PLEASE!!" "No." "BUT PLEASE!! I WANT IT! I'VE BEEN GOOD!" "ugh..fine" as nothing but just picture it later.
when instead of being the guy who asks a girl if she'd like a drink, if she says no, take it as her true answer and walk away.
To being the guy who says "why? I'm a great guy..come on..it's just one drink" and keeps going because hey..women will change their minds if you try hard enough.. or who only takes "I have a boyfriend" as a valid NO. and just think where that leads.
(side note: Funny how "I have a boyfriend" is seen as the only fail safe way to get a guy to leave you alone at the bar. As if being another male's girlfriend is the only true valid excuse another male will respect enough to back off.)
Wow this has gone long and off topic but yes, congrats for reading.
sparknotes..teach your kids what no means. Especially when it comes to other people. It DOES change how they see no in all ways.