Dealing with Bamm and kids

I'll join the unpopular parade in saying that in my opinion, if you have a child, I think you should euthanize Bamm. Of course, that's easy for me to say, and I understand much harder for you to do! And I agree with others that you should probably consider meds and work with him and a behaviorist now, and see if that makes an improvement. Because whatever happens, you're going to want to know that you tried your best.

If he was just unfriendly to kids, I'd be more comfortable saying that it was worth seeing if he'd deal better with his own kid. The fact that he already has a bite history is what makes me hesitant. I just feel that this makes too much of a risk with a child. Kids are so hard to predict, and the chances of disaster are so high.

BTW, this is from the point of view of someone who doesn't particularly like kids, and I'm glad I don't have any. But a child's safety is still more important to me than a dog.

I know this is a thread about bamm, but after nolus post and your response... I get knots in my stomach.

Pregnancy is a huge trigger for relationships to get controlling, or mentally or physically abusive. You're living with a man you have OPENLY talked about as being controlling and mentally quite mean. Openly.

In another thread you commented you don't post here much anymore because people have to make comments......

Please take the blinkers off and see those comments are posted because of what YOU write and because people genuinely don't want to see you hurt. Emotionally (or physically......).

Seriously.... You have to be 100% sure. I know how it feels to want a baby and have it cloud the rational part of your mind. And that is perfectly ok if you're safe.

Please be safe. Pregnancy is very very very hard for men who like being in control. Money will go. You will need to spend on large items. Your body will change and not always for the better!! You need to have a partner who can handle stress and look after you, not be worried you're changing. Pregnancy is risky with those kinds of men.

You can choose to read this as one of those comments and ignore it, but at least I've said it.

I really did not want this thread to become about my relationship. Sure I've been more open about it in the past. I've since stopped being open about my relationship so much on here because I'd rather discuss that stuff with either my therapist or Josh. If I get pregnant and he decides he is going to start being an ass again then I'll deal with that, but I've purposely avoided talking about my relationship for a while now because I decided I did not want to be airing that dirty laundry on a public website anymore. I responded to Nolu's post that things have gotten much better lately... Seeing a therapist has helped tremendously. Not super thrilled all of that was brought back up to begin with, but meh it happens.

This whole wanting kids thing is not something I've thought about on a whim. We've talked about it and I'm 110% sure I'm ready. It's my decision, not anyone else's on this forum. When I say I don't post here often because of comments people make it's not just comments towards me. I may not post a lot, but I sure as hell still read a lot of threads and people can be quick to judge each other if their opinion is different in the least.

While this may not have been Lizmo's intention, her post in my other thread made me feel like I was being frowned upon when I don't see anything wrong with me thinking about future dogs... Everyone on this ****ing forum posts threads about future dogs. Doesn't mean I'm running out to get another dog... hence future. It also does not mean that I'm replacing Bamm at ALL.

Honestly? I don't disagree with Nolu, on any counts.

Bamm is not a dog that can be safely or responsibly rehomed. You would be doing the kindest thing for him and the safest thing for your family to euthanize him rather than rely on equipment (muzzles, crates, fencing) to keep him isolated from your kid.

It's a super shitty thing to say, "kill your dog"... But it is what it is, and that's my two cents. I can't sugar coat it. I'm sorry Amber, it's a really raw situation and I commend you for being realistic in your approach.

To the people who think a dog should come before a young woman's plans for her LIFE, and to the people who would bash Amber for considering her options, I'm sorry you have such a narrow viewpoint. I felt that way once, too - before real life happened to me.

I know you didn't, but it's you that has set the scene, and it's pretty hard to pretend you've never read all the earlier stuff you've written.

I'd rather say something than sit and watch what happens, and with the amount of views this thread has I can assure you that's what a lot of other people are doing.

I'm glad things are better. Always best to go into something fully armed with the what might happens than be going in in denial no relationship is perfect, I'm pretty suspicious of those that are

It's entirely your choice what you do, you're an adult.

And I understand that. I was quick to be more open about my life in the past, but I've learned from that which is why I've gotten much more careful about what I post publicly for all to see. I just much prefer to deal with my relationship with my therapist and with Josh and not be public about it anymore.

That shows how much you know about us.

Izze was picked up & DROPPED by a small child (yes she was on lead & right next to me at the time) I was in the stable office filling out some paperwork on my horses I was boarding there at the time. This lady (who was a famously bad mother) came in with two (of her SEVEN) kids & one of them ran up & picked Izze up wih her head facing the ground before I could say anything & lost her grip on her & dropped her.

Thankfully Izze wasn't hurt & at the time I didn't think anything of it but as she got older it was clear the event had been traumatizing for her, so I guess she adopted a "I'm gonna get you before you get me" train of thought & you know ACDs ... Once they get something into their head or make up their mind About something it's hard to change it lol

So I committed myself to managing her, despite her issue she became the barn mascot (as she was informally known) luckily she wasn't actively aggressive & if she could, she would avoid contact wih kids (if kids would come I the office she would either go behind the counter or lay under my chair. Of course I did run interference if I had to.

But this is not a deal where she had an unplanned pregnancy, this is a planned deal & I don't feel it's fair to the dog, I'm sorry. He is COUNTING on you do he his advocate, his protector, he is counting on YOU to be in his corner. So I am sorry if I don't see how the dog doesn't come first before life plans that came to rise years AFTER he has become part of the family.

I know you don't want your relationship brought into this but I think it is relevant & I will say only this: it worries me that you say "IF he starts being an ass once I'm pregnant then we'll cross that bridge when it comes" would make me me very nervous if I was in your shoes.

You know what skittledoo? You're an intelligent, thoughtful, loving, and compassionate woman. Whatever decisions you make in your life are going to be the right decisions. Because it's YOUR life and your journey to take.

I think the only advice I would give you is to trust yourself more. I understand wanting feedback from others, but in the end, you know that your choices come from a good place inside of you, trust that, and believe in yourself.

It doesn't really matter if you see it, though. Other people have different priorities. It really only matters how skittle sees it, really. It doesn't mean people don't love their dogs. Honestly I probably consider my dogs in major life decisions to would look like a crazy degree to some people.

But I never wanted kids in the first place, don't have them, and won't ever have them - so that particular decision is one that I'll never have to make. But I can still see how it is different than choosing where to live or what job to take based on how it will affect the dogs. There really is no way to compromise, and having kids isn't something you can necessarily say "oh I'll just do this later" because biology. Dogs don't come with a label that says "I might not be good with kids later" and you just have to deal with it the best you can when and if it happens.

No, they do not. I didn't know my dog was goin to have problems stemming from that one incident, they showed up later.

Still I would get him throughly checked out medically before I made any decisions or contacted a behavorist.

Dogs get hurt, how we react is more often than not the telling of how they will handle it, I won't buy for a minute that your hatred for society and children in particular did not sway your dogs opinion of them.

Stuff happens with dogs. I dropped Squash more than once, on one occasion as I fell down the stairs with him. I agree that your reaction to them probably had more to do with her attitude than anything.

This. So much. Trust yourself and trust your dog. No one here really knows him like you do and if I vented my dogs issues as much as you have (and should feel safe doing so) it would clearly overshadow their awesomeness. It's a common problem with Internet interactions, people grasp the negative and can't seem to remember dogs are dogs, they make mistakes, they can be mishandled, they can change, they can have great and frustrating aspects.

Dogs have limits and sometimes we either miss them or don't respect them, thus setting them up for failure, it doesn't make them bad dogs, it makes them a work in progress and not something to be given up on just yet.

I tend to not try and get into anyone's relationship stuff. But I do not agree with this statement at all. Maybe I'm weird because I have this super open relationship with my husband and we talk all day ect. He is my best friend. But I have been married before, twice. My husband is NOT the biological father of my children, and I just want to stress that if there are things that you don't like about your husband then this needs to be addressed. It is very hard to get divorced, esp with children and to learn how to move on, and then to find someone else that will love your child(ren) as if they were there own. Both of my marriages before my husband resulted in divorce. There were things I did not like about them and over time those things were part of why these relationships did not work out, along with the stress of having children and the financial troubles that can come with it. . So I would say before you try and conceive a child, make sure you work out these little kinks. I am not saying this to be mean, but because I like you Amber and I want to see you do your best and have everything you want.

As far as Bamm and a child. I would never ever put my children at risk. I have a dog that hates children, she loves MY kids, but no other children. She is fearful and reactive. We manage her very well, my kids have grown up learning how to manage her. You know very well from living with Bamm that this can be managed pretty well. If my dog hated my kids and was a threat to them then she would be euthanized. Thankfully we don't have to worry about that, but I know that this will be a very hard decision for you.

Well I do have a habit of raising antisocial dogs lol not aggressive dogs, just not overly friendly dogs.

I never would allow others to pet them when they were out in public as youngsters. But I took them out in public a lot so they got used to crowded places but they didn't try to engage everyone we came across ... If approached by someone they would always come back to me & sit (something I taught from their first day with me ... If a stranger calls you to them, come back to me & sit for a treat )

This thread is not about you. Just like all the other threads you flail your unwanted opinions at.

WE KNOW YOU DO NOT LIKE CHILDREN. We do not care. Grow the hell up. You're like 33, right? Stop acting like an emo 12 year old. Every single post is about your dogs and how you raised them to be 'anti social' or about your hatred of children/breastfeeding/whatever you dislike. No one cares.

This thread is about Skittle and Bamm and her possible future child.

:wall:

When someone posts a thread on a public forum ... They should expect All kinds of opinions ... Even unwanted ones.

Any opinion someone doesn't like or agree will be viewed as "unwanted".

Sorry but I do not agree with insisting on having kids when you know you have a dog who doesn't like them. I think it's unfair for the dog.

I think putting a dog above every single other aspect of your life is not a healthy way to live.

I don't think someone with an untreated mental illness such as your's should have dogs. But I'm not quoting you and saying that EVERY TIME YOU MAKE A POST.

You are, yet again, entirely missing the point of why and so many others don't take you seriously. It's not the fact that you voiced an unwanted opionion. It's that you ALWAYS do. And you don't LISTEN. You just keep running into the same wall. I get that you have some serious issues, but that only goes so far.

Skittle is not going to not have a child because YOU think it's unfair to her dog. Others are trying to be REALISTIC about this. You are never realistic. Humans come before dogs. That's how it is. Maybe with you it is different. But that is the exception, not the rule.