B
Dear Cat,
You know that I am not used to having something like you in my house. You are nothing like a dog, and I do not understand why you don't learn things.
It is not OK for you to jump on the counter and lick the bacon grease out of the pan while my back is turned. It is not OK for you to steal food from your stunted-human. It is not OK for you to shred the toilet paper, just because you know how to open a door. In fact, I would greatly appreciate it if you would forget this skill of yours and ceace and desist the shredding of the toilet paper.
It scares me when I find you in my boots, especially when I'm sticking my foot in the stupid thing already. I do not find it funny when you jump out of the dishwasher at me, either, nor when I catch you in the refridgerator eating the steak I put out to thaw for tonight's dinner.
Its very strange to wake up with you on my face. How would you like it if I crawled up on your bed when you thought you knew for sure that I was not in your room, and planted my bum on your face and went to sleep? You would not appreciate it in the least.
I'm sad to say, Cat, that though you are cute when you want to be, I will not miss you while I'm in Iraq, and neither will the man-human. Your Person says she is excited for you to go to your new home, too. I think that the Stunted-human who feeds you will probably be the only one sad to see you go when we all leave. I feel bad that I do not like you more, Cat, I really do. I am nice to you because you are an animal, not because I appreciate it when you attack my toes in the middle of the night, or when you stick your nose in my ear while I am trying to kiss the man-human. I do not appreciate it, in fact.
Sincerely,
Your Human's Room Mate
PS
Please make yourself useful and learn to read so you know how I feel, because obviously my telling you is not helping. Maybe you could ask whoever taught you how to open the door to help you learn to read.
Thank you.
You know that I am not used to having something like you in my house. You are nothing like a dog, and I do not understand why you don't learn things.
It is not OK for you to jump on the counter and lick the bacon grease out of the pan while my back is turned. It is not OK for you to steal food from your stunted-human. It is not OK for you to shred the toilet paper, just because you know how to open a door. In fact, I would greatly appreciate it if you would forget this skill of yours and ceace and desist the shredding of the toilet paper.
It scares me when I find you in my boots, especially when I'm sticking my foot in the stupid thing already. I do not find it funny when you jump out of the dishwasher at me, either, nor when I catch you in the refridgerator eating the steak I put out to thaw for tonight's dinner.
Its very strange to wake up with you on my face. How would you like it if I crawled up on your bed when you thought you knew for sure that I was not in your room, and planted my bum on your face and went to sleep? You would not appreciate it in the least.
I'm sad to say, Cat, that though you are cute when you want to be, I will not miss you while I'm in Iraq, and neither will the man-human. Your Person says she is excited for you to go to your new home, too. I think that the Stunted-human who feeds you will probably be the only one sad to see you go when we all leave. I feel bad that I do not like you more, Cat, I really do. I am nice to you because you are an animal, not because I appreciate it when you attack my toes in the middle of the night, or when you stick your nose in my ear while I am trying to kiss the man-human. I do not appreciate it, in fact.
Sincerely,
Your Human's Room Mate
PS
Please make yourself useful and learn to read so you know how I feel, because obviously my telling you is not helping. Maybe you could ask whoever taught you how to open the door to help you learn to read.
Thank you.