The Venting Thread
- Thread starter *blackrose
- Start date
I'm happy with my boyfriend. I really am most of the time.
I just feel like I don't have time for him. I feel like I'm describing a pet or something but it's true.
He is so..NEEDY! Like he wants to hang out every day or talk on the phone EVERY NIGHT
The thing is..we both have friends, busy school lives, work.. he is just so much more extroverted than I am. He seems to actually not like being alone.. which is fine because he is fine once he is, but he needs to understand that I can't deal with the clingy.
I don't understand him. Why do we have to study together? You study at your place I can study here. We saw each other less than 24 hours ago.
He practically lives in my apartment. There is a reason I have a studio and live alone. Because I like to come home to my apartment AS IT IS. EMPTY. and I just need to be by myself sometimes!
It just does not compute with him.
"Watcha doing?"
"Nothing I'm just watching TV"
"Want some company?"
"No..not really.."
"Are you mad at me or something? I haven't seen you in 2 days.."
NO I JUST WANT TO WATCH TV IN MY APARTMENT BY MYSELF! It's 2 FRIKIN DAYS. YOU WILL SURVIVE!
"Aren't you lonely?"
"No..."
"But I just want to be with you"
"That's sweet. I want to be with you too but I just kind of want to hang out on my own/go out with the girls tonight"
"..but why?"
"Because they are my friends/I just have some me stuff to do"
".Okkk..I just miss you..I don't get it.."
UGHHHHH
I love you =/= I want to be around you ALL THE TIME.
The weird thing about it is he does NOT fit the typical clingy persona. I mean, he is independent. He lives on his own, pays his own rent, has a great group of friends he loves to bro out with, has hobbies of his own, he is very focused on school...
but the minute we became romantically involved (not started having sex mind you. He was great when it was just friends with sex) but the MINUTE we were girlfriend/boyfriend.. he turns into a different person sometimes!
I am not the kind of person that can be in a couple and have the world revolve around each other. I need my friends, my hobbies, time on my OWN.
I don't think those kind of "you are my entire world" relationships are healthy and they certainly aren't healthy for me!
Boys.
Oy.
I just feel like I don't have time for him. I feel like I'm describing a pet or something but it's true.
He is so..NEEDY! Like he wants to hang out every day or talk on the phone EVERY NIGHT
The thing is..we both have friends, busy school lives, work.. he is just so much more extroverted than I am. He seems to actually not like being alone.. which is fine because he is fine once he is, but he needs to understand that I can't deal with the clingy.
I don't understand him. Why do we have to study together? You study at your place I can study here. We saw each other less than 24 hours ago.
He practically lives in my apartment. There is a reason I have a studio and live alone. Because I like to come home to my apartment AS IT IS. EMPTY. and I just need to be by myself sometimes!
It just does not compute with him.
"Watcha doing?"
"Nothing I'm just watching TV"
"Want some company?"
"No..not really.."
"Are you mad at me or something? I haven't seen you in 2 days.."
NO I JUST WANT TO WATCH TV IN MY APARTMENT BY MYSELF! It's 2 FRIKIN DAYS. YOU WILL SURVIVE!
"Aren't you lonely?"
"No..."
"But I just want to be with you"
"That's sweet. I want to be with you too but I just kind of want to hang out on my own/go out with the girls tonight"
"..but why?"
"Because they are my friends/I just have some me stuff to do"
".Okkk..I just miss you..I don't get it.."
UGHHHHH
I love you =/= I want to be around you ALL THE TIME.
The weird thing about it is he does NOT fit the typical clingy persona. I mean, he is independent. He lives on his own, pays his own rent, has a great group of friends he loves to bro out with, has hobbies of his own, he is very focused on school...
but the minute we became romantically involved (not started having sex mind you. He was great when it was just friends with sex) but the MINUTE we were girlfriend/boyfriend.. he turns into a different person sometimes!
I am not the kind of person that can be in a couple and have the world revolve around each other. I need my friends, my hobbies, time on my OWN.
I don't think those kind of "you are my entire world" relationships are healthy and they certainly aren't healthy for me!
Boys.
Oy.
I agree with Locke.
This was a lot of Michael and I's problem. We lived together, went to school together. We were ALWAYS around each other. It got very annoying and tiring after a while, this is when the arguments started.
Let your boyfriend know that you need time alone. It might upset him or hurt his feelings, but in the end, if he wants it to last, he will be glad he gave you alone time.
This was a lot of Michael and I's problem. We lived together, went to school together. We were ALWAYS around each other. It got very annoying and tiring after a while, this is when the arguments started.
Let your boyfriend know that you need time alone. It might upset him or hurt his feelings, but in the end, if he wants it to last, he will be glad he gave you alone time.
See, I think I'm the way your boyfriend is, Fran. LOL And I've asked Mike before if it bothers him because I really don't want that to be an issue.
But I really DON'T like being alone. I think it would be different if it wasn't just Dameon and I, but as it is, when I'm just sitting at my apartment by myself its depressing. I'd much rather being doing something with him, or someone else.
And if I go a few days without seeing him, I do miss him. But he's the same way, so that's okay. LOL
_____
As to my earlier vent, it is in regards to Chessie breeders in my area. I'm 99% sure that I'll be getting a Chessie unless the right Lab pup just falls into my lap. I just couldn't find the type of Lab I was looking for, and I really do want a more protective breed than Labs typically are.
But I really DON'T like being alone. I think it would be different if it wasn't just Dameon and I, but as it is, when I'm just sitting at my apartment by myself its depressing. I'd much rather being doing something with him, or someone else.
And if I go a few days without seeing him, I do miss him. But he's the same way, so that's okay. LOL
_____
As to my earlier vent, it is in regards to Chessie breeders in my area. I'm 99% sure that I'll be getting a Chessie unless the right Lab pup just falls into my lap. I just couldn't find the type of Lab I was looking for, and I really do want a more protective breed than Labs typically are.
I have a dog with PRA, and a dog with luxating patellas. Of course neither were gotten from breeeders, but if I was going with a breeder..I'd make sure they health test. I've been kind of turned into a health testing nazi. Believe me, you think it can never happen to you, and then it does and it sucks.
Just having a hard day talking about cutting down the christmas tree and everything and its scary because Ive gotten to the point I can do the things we did with Dad with my kids. We put it off with Morgan because it felt WRONG to do it without dad and now here we are with Savannah getting ready to go cut down her first christmas tree.
Someone on my FB constantly posts things like 'Things that feel great: when you realize someone's (who is [miserable with their life, petty, or some other adjective]) opinion of you no longer matters. Whoo" or some similar thing. They've been divorced for like a year and a half...they've been dating someone else for a year....obviously these opinions DO matter or you wouldn't constantly post these things. Sweet lord.
I.
hate.
these.
people.
The constant "Haters gonna hate" or "Feels great when you realize people who talk about other people's lives aren't happy with their own" or *random karma quote* "Nice to know I'm better off without you" etc..etc..etc..
Name names and talk to this person and settle it like an ADULT.
Delete them and move on with your life.
just for the LOVE OF JKROWLING stop spamming my facebook wall with your garbage.
What do these passive aggressive ridiculous posts even do? Other than make every facebook friend judge you and continue to comment on your DIRTY LAUNDRY.
hate.
these.
people.
The constant "Haters gonna hate" or "Feels great when you realize people who talk about other people's lives aren't happy with their own" or *random karma quote* "Nice to know I'm better off without you" etc..etc..etc..
Name names and talk to this person and settle it like an ADULT.
Delete them and move on with your life.
just for the LOVE OF JKROWLING stop spamming my facebook wall with your garbage.
What do these passive aggressive ridiculous posts even do? Other than make every facebook friend judge you and continue to comment on your DIRTY LAUNDRY.
I know that, due to having kids, they have to somewhat stay in contact. But come on now. I'm more fond of some of my exes than others (as in, I'll have a conversation and am friendly with at least one), but the ones I'm not friendly with...I'm just ambivalent towards. And I'm about 99% certain they're the same towards me. If I learned that one was making some sort of comment or something, well must suck to have nothing more important in their lives *shrug*
I know what you mean. Although my boyfriend and I are both 'clingy'. We aren't social and all we (usually) need is each other. But sometimes I just want him to leave and talk to someone else about his music/gaming/archery fascination. I think we tend to be more clingy because we were in a long distance relationship for a while. It was pretty hard on us to be states away. Maybe there's something wrong with him? I don't know. Relationships are weird.
My grandfather just traded in his mustang for another mustang. A 2013 edition. The old one is paid off and he's retired..... This might be his (3rd?) mid-life crisis. And my family wonders why I don't take financial advice from them....
Haha you could be describing hubby and I back when we were dating.
At one point we had to have a sitdown chat about how I am a person who needs solo time to recharge and that it's not a reflection on anyone whose company I'm turning down. And just explained that if I don't get that time, I get irritable and snappy and the last thing I wanted to do is to hurt our relationship because of it.
He didn't like it at first but thought about it and and tried giving me space and I guess at some point realized that giving me alone time actually meant we had more fun when we were together. And since we ended up getting married I'm really glad we worked this out while we were dating...it's wonderful to get home from a long day and know that I can just ask and be left alone for a while if I need it to unwind. He of course has the same option, though he rarely invokes it.
At one point we had to have a sitdown chat about how I am a person who needs solo time to recharge and that it's not a reflection on anyone whose company I'm turning down. And just explained that if I don't get that time, I get irritable and snappy and the last thing I wanted to do is to hurt our relationship because of it.
He didn't like it at first but thought about it and and tried giving me space and I guess at some point realized that giving me alone time actually meant we had more fun when we were together. And since we ended up getting married I'm really glad we worked this out while we were dating...it's wonderful to get home from a long day and know that I can just ask and be left alone for a while if I need it to unwind. He of course has the same option, though he rarely invokes it.
I really hope this is something we can talk/work through.
I have TRIED explaining to him that his behavior is making me want to push him away even MORE but I just need to make it more clear because he really isn't getting it.
For example. I switched phones recently (got a new iphone) and there was like a day (basically like 6 hours) where at&t was switching and my new phone was dead so I had to wait to go home and charge my new phone to use it.
I charge up my new phone and have 12 missed calls. All from him.
Not to MENTION the text messages "Where are you?" "Are you ok?" "Call me" " Are you mad?" "Oh god where are you?" "please text me when you get this.. I'm worried"
...I DIDN'T HAVE A PHONE FOR A DAY. 1 DAY.
and maybe this is an anxiety issue but I swear sometimes the more he calls me the less I want to talk to him.
I used to LOVE our nightly phone calls/talking to him before bed but he puts so much PRESSURE ON IT now. "When are you going home?" "Are you done studying?" "don't forget to call me before bed!" Dammit. Now it's not even fun anymore. It feels like a CHORE.
and he ALWAYS thinks I'm mad at him or "in a mood" when I'm snappy but really it's just that I haven't had any time to myself.
He needs to stop asking me where I am/how I am/what I'm up to 20 times a day. When I have a real conversation with you later, I will tell you. This running text dialogue just makes you EXHAUSTING and makes our relationship feel like a long chore/interview
If I ignore one text/call.. don't text/call again.
Don't just show up at my apartment. I mean..rarely..it's fine. but still, as a rule, call first.
Keep in touch without SMOTHERING. I don't have time to miss you if you are ALWAYS THERE.
I don't want to hurt him or make him not talk to me.. I just.. I dunno..want him to be close but not CLING
he is so awesome in so many other ways.
He is academically driven, he is going to be a surgeon. He loves dogs and has his own who he adores.
He is hot. He has muscles and that beef cut thing and does martial arts and has perfect blonde hair and bone structure and all my friends think I'm nuts for complaining about my hot boyfriend who "just wants to be closer to me" but dammit it's ANNOYING
Wow that felt good.
I have TRIED explaining to him that his behavior is making me want to push him away even MORE but I just need to make it more clear because he really isn't getting it.
For example. I switched phones recently (got a new iphone) and there was like a day (basically like 6 hours) where at&t was switching and my new phone was dead so I had to wait to go home and charge my new phone to use it.
I charge up my new phone and have 12 missed calls. All from him.
Not to MENTION the text messages "Where are you?" "Are you ok?" "Call me" " Are you mad?" "Oh god where are you?" "please text me when you get this.. I'm worried"
...I DIDN'T HAVE A PHONE FOR A DAY. 1 DAY.
and maybe this is an anxiety issue but I swear sometimes the more he calls me the less I want to talk to him.
I used to LOVE our nightly phone calls/talking to him before bed but he puts so much PRESSURE ON IT now. "When are you going home?" "Are you done studying?" "don't forget to call me before bed!" Dammit. Now it's not even fun anymore. It feels like a CHORE.
and he ALWAYS thinks I'm mad at him or "in a mood" when I'm snappy but really it's just that I haven't had any time to myself.
He needs to stop asking me where I am/how I am/what I'm up to 20 times a day. When I have a real conversation with you later, I will tell you. This running text dialogue just makes you EXHAUSTING and makes our relationship feel like a long chore/interview
If I ignore one text/call.. don't text/call again.
Don't just show up at my apartment. I mean..rarely..it's fine. but still, as a rule, call first.
Keep in touch without SMOTHERING. I don't have time to miss you if you are ALWAYS THERE.
I don't want to hurt him or make him not talk to me.. I just.. I dunno..want him to be close but not CLING
he is so awesome in so many other ways.
He is academically driven, he is going to be a surgeon. He loves dogs and has his own who he adores.
He is hot. He has muscles and that beef cut thing and does martial arts and has perfect blonde hair and bone structure and all my friends think I'm nuts for complaining about my hot boyfriend who "just wants to be closer to me" but dammit it's ANNOYING
Wow that felt good.
DH and I do spend a lot of time together, but I do value my commute to work, which is my alone time. We work at the same place, and our shifts are only off by an hour, but I drive separately because it's just nice. BUT, there isn't another person in the world I could spend that much time with. DH grew up in a house with his parents and 7 siblings, so he never really had alone time to begin with and doesn't seem to need it.