Ednos.

EDNOS.
It stands for "eating disorder; not otherwise specified."
It basically menas thta you have an eating disorder, but it does not fit into the typical standards of anorexia and/or buliema. And I am pretty sure I have developed it.

I've had a troubled relationship for food for the past 1.5 years. It started with restricting- majorly. I restricted to ~800 calories a day, and didn't exercise or anything. I lost all muscle mass I had and looked thin. I was always thin- I have a naturally fast metabolism- but I had become unnaturally thin. Luckily the restricting stage only lasted a few months. Soon after, I read about healthy eating and such. I began exercising and ate 1500-1700 calories a day. I was my best at this stage- I had began gaining muscle. I was healthy. But then, for something went wrong. In december. I began binging. Often. After the binging, I would NOT throw up, since I actually hate hurling, but instead restricted majorly the same day. Soon enough, it became binging every other day and restricting the next. I've tried to desperately stop the binging and restricting, but I can't. I even binged today. I'm at my wits end. I don't understand why I keep doing this- honestly I'm sick of it. On the days where I eat regularly, I feel happy, healthy- while on the days I binge I feel sick.


I'm frustrated. With myself. With my brain. With my perfectionitism but my lack of self control.

I think I'm just trying to get this out of my system.


starting tomorrow, no more binging. I'm going to eat what is on my plate and not get seconds- thirds- fourths, etc. I'm going to leave the rest and be healthy and satisfied-not stuffed and sick.

Wish me luck I guess.
/endrant

Good luck

Self control is my downfall.

I'm diagnosed EDNOS. Mine isn't a body-image thing, but more of a paranoia about food being unhealthy or contaminated, poisoned even, OR just a complete disgust/mental inability to consume it.

At my worst, I went into the ER in starvation. I was delusional, having seizures, and at a BMI of about 14. Bruises everywhere, brittle hair, could hardly speak.

I never went to a specific eating-disorder treatment, as mine was closely related to bipolar disorder, and treating bipolar helped the symptoms of EDNOS go away. Except for a short difficult period early in my pregnancy when I went off my medication, I've been "recovered" for over a year.

If you want to talk more, PM. An eating disorder is not by any means an easy thing to recover from. But it's very, very possible, and you won't believe how much better you feel when you're following healthy eating and exercise habits.

Both of you, thanks for the well wishes.

I'm glad that you recovered from your EDNOS. It is a pity you had to be hospitalized- but I'm glad you are better now.

I'm a binge eater- but I binge on moderately healthy things- considering the fact I check the food label on almost everything to ensure it doesn't have too much sodium or saturated fat. But I find myself thinking "oh one more won't hurt" until I find myself at a beyond 1000 calorie surplus. I've actually gained a few pounds from binge eating lately-thankfully I exercise regularly and some of the weight I've put on is muscle. Luckily I'm still at a fairly normal range: 5' 0" and 95 pounds, but I can tell I've put on fat. (Which some might say that I weigh too little- but I know my body and around 93 pounds is when I look healthiest, imo.) It frustrates me that I can't stop- but I'm hoping to prevent it.

I'll be sure to pm you when I'm not on my android, thanks a bunch for the support. (I apologize for such a long reply, I ramble quite a bit... )

Try to avoid setting yourself up for failure. Saying "No more binge eating" when you're in the very beginning stages of curbing the behaviour can really set you back, especially being a perfectionist.

Try and start with goals that you KNOW you can and will achieve, rather than starting with a big overarching end goal of no more bingeing.
You could start with "No more than 2 helpings", then later on proceed to "Eat three balanced meals and two snacks every day this week" or something like that.

You can do this! Try and find a person you trust and feel comfortable talking to about your eating. It will make it easier for you!

Get the book "It starts with Food". It's not written as a book for people with an eating disorder so to speak, but it is written to help the reader develop a healthy relationship with food. It's 20 bucks and it's not going to hurt. you might be surprised just how strong you can be with the right knowledge.

Thanks for the tips and support. I'm hoping for no binge occurances until next Thursday- one week. If I succeed in that, then we will see what my next goals will be. I know realistically I can never say no binging, especially on holidays, but I try to at least limit myself and my binging. I'm hoping I will have enough will power.

All I can say is (((hugs))). When I was about 17 I basically stopped eating meals except for a tiny dinner. I biked about 30km a day to get that off as well. I lost about 15kg in about 2 months (I wasn't overweight to begin with.) I woke up when I got dizzy walking up one flight of stairs. Unfortunately I pretty much ruined my eating habits.
Then I started eating again. I made myself binge eat, to gain weigt ,And the I'd realize crop, I gained weight and restrict or do sports. That went on for a really long time. Even now I have to actively force myself not to overeat.

I know where you're coming from. (((Hugs))))

I agree with Locke. One of the biggest mistakes people make when trying to recover from an eating disorder, addiction, or any bad habit is to say "I'm not going to do it anymore", stay "clean" for 3 weeks, and then slip up, get frustrated, and use their vice to cope with the frustration all over again. One of the biggest things that helped me was the phrase "non-linear recovery". Getting better isn't a straight line of progress you make like climbing a mountain. It's a ton of little hills, ups and downs, and some will be higher and some will be lower, and eventually the ups will get much, much more frequent then the downs...but really, your whole life will be like that.

Getting better doesn't suddenly mean not bingeing or restricting anymore, ever. It means you do it less, it means you learn different coping skills to help you when you want to binge or restrict and use them as best you can. It means you try and fight the urge - and in the beginning, sometimes it will work and sometimes it won't. Hopefully, it will work more often than not. But if a few days, or a few weeks, or a few months from now, you binge again or go two days without eating, it doesn't mean you're not strong enough to recover or you're not in the process or recovering or doing well. It means the next day, the next meal, you keep fighting.

This

A week might be too much-- you dont want to set YOURSELF up to fail. You dont teach a stay and then ask for a 10 minute down-stay :s

I'm here if you need to talk - I believe I'm about the same age as you (18 in July) and I'm in recovery for EDNOS. Stay strong.

Thanks everyone for the support.

And yeah- I did set myself up to fail. Ended up binging yesterday, I don't know why it has to be so hard. Good news is today I did good, which is good enough for me. I'm hoping with enough motivation I can recover.

Today is a new day, focus on your victories. Having a good day today proves that you can fight this!

No need to dwell on the past, am I right?

Have you gotten into any kind of cognitive therapy at this point?

I was an anorexic through highschool, and I still have a fabulously tangled up relationship with food. You can resolve yourself to stop your habits as much as you want, but in my opinion that's just a bandaid solution that doesn't address the underlying tendencies that are causing your troubles in the first place.

Even though through pure willpower I could stop restricting for weeks or sometimes even a month at a time, it always came back until I realized it wasn't something I could simply fix. Talking to someone really allowed me to take a step back and ensured that someone was holding me accountable for my actions.

Edited: Also, obviously ((((hugs))))) I wish you the best and I know you can beat this!!!

This and great post MM.

Agreed completely with this. The reason it's so hard is because it's not as simple as just saying "I'm not going to binge anymore!" I said in another thread, it's kind of like if somebody is clinically depressed (not just a little down in the dumps but REALLY depressed,) they can't just decide one day "I'm going to be HAPPY!!" and resolve all their problems. It's sooo much more than that and I would strongly recommend you seek some help through a therapist of some kind to work through this.

(((((MAJOR HUGS)))))

exactly if "victory" for you is something so silly and minor as 5 bites less or more, or a matter of a few hours, take it and do a dance. every little bit helps, even if you "fail" if you learned something new about yourself and can adjust and learn from it, and have a better handle on what makes you tick, its still a victory

i dont have any eating disorders or issues with food, but i do have my own personal demons that cripple me in a big way and iv learned to either love what they are, or analyze the holy **** out of them until they make sense and i can work past them. its not easy, but it is possible

If seeing a traditional therapist is not an option, you can always talk to your counselor at school, or call an eating disorder hotline, find a support group, etc. there are a lot of resources available if you know where to look.