Chaz Moms and Moms-to-Be Chat (everyone welcome)

As someone with zero interest in having children, no envy for those who choose to become (wonderful!) parents, I found Dogdragoness' comments rude and more than a little silly.

I think Breeze got most of it covered, lol.

You can buy cheaper disposables though. We used generics for 16 months (until one of mine started leaking through them), and coupons, and it cost us less than 15c each.

Something that people don't really count with reusables though is the cost of water, detergent (can do your own for cheap though) and the wear on your washing machine/dryer. Plus the time you spend doing laundry. In our case we had to move to an apartment and had to pay like $4 per load of laundry so I'm so glad we never invested in cloth, it would have cost more in the end (and I really considered cloth but had no time to prepare then was too overwhelmed to even consider more laundry).

Also a lot of daycares don't accept cloth.


About the whole unattractive thing... why are you in that thread, seriously? It's like if I went to a thread where you post pictures of your dog and said I really find those dogs ugly. I didn't want to get pregnant but the way I'd look was the last thing on my mind lol, I just didn't really want to deal with morning sickness and childbirth.

But she said she wasn't being insensitive, so it's ok!

If a woman is self conscious then maybe she, like me (who is body conscious ... Vince my reason not to become a parent among others) should have taken that In to consideration

Just saying.

I'm not insulting anyone, I didn't call anyone unattractive "to their face" it was just a generalized statement pertaining to how in general women feel about their changing bodies not a statement directed at anyone in particular.

I have a right to my opinion as do you, but if someone has a differing opinion from me I don't call it "silly" or offensive

Its funny but I honestly felt more attractive pregnant, waddling, swollen and all...and my husband agreed

If someone is that concerned with their looks that they base whether or not to have kids on it I think they need help, sounds like a really bad self esteem issue.

... in a thread aimed at moms and moms to be. That's a lot more 'to their face' than saying it in a thread about barhopping or something.

Not anyone in particular, the general pregnant population it would have been less rude to say it to somebody specifically, actually.

Again, why are you in this thread, other than to insult people?
.
There's nothing I hate more than somebody who won't stand up for what they said and just backtracks when asked about it, because they are behind a computer "I didn't mean YOU pregnant people, just all the other pregnant people!"

And I have a right to think your dog is ugly, I won't just say it to your face (just an example, I have no idea what kind of dog you have).

Plus you could just have said that you really don't want pregnancy to mess up your body, nobody would have been offended by that... but asking people why they put themselves through it because it's so unattractive, that's rude.

/facepalm

Someone being self conscious isn't the point. You being rude and insensitive is the point. I'm not sure how much more "to their face" you could get than coming into a thread of pregnant/priorly pregnant women and calling ALL OF THEM, as a group, unattractive.

This is not a statement about how women feel about their changing bodies, this is a statement about how YOU feel about pregnant women.

Seriously, I don't usually feed the trolls but....you are either being deliberately obtuse or you genuinely have no social skills.

I didnt at first with Bev but I was 19 and it was crazy. After my friend said that though my whole thought process changed.

I have also wondered why dogsragoness shows up in every thread about childbearing to go on about her desire to never do that to herself and poke fun at women who do (whether her intention is to insult or not... It is still insulting. The "intention" doesn't really matter at this point)

There definitely seems to be an insecurity about her choice given how vehemently she converses about it even though no one is trying to tell her she should have kids. Sounds more like ahe is trying to convince erself more than everyone else

Not being rude... Just sayin'

Oh well in that case, I find that all people with ferrets are stark raving mad. Not to be insensitive!! I'm just sayin!!



I'm just kidding, not all people with ferrets. Mostly just JessLough.

Well, I was all excited for something I could argue about. Then you said this and really, I can't disagree most days :rofl1:

I plan on cloth diapering at home but using disposables for outings, probably.

Jen...I have all those symptoms of SPD but I really doubt I have it...I think my hip/pelvic pain is just normal pregnancy pain? My hips have a tendency to click or pop or grind ANYWAY, but it's gotten much worse with pregnancy.

And I did find Dogdragoness's comment extremely rude. I'm not easily offended, nor am I offended by this, but I do think the comments were really rude. Would you go into a thread about hairstyles and tell the women there you think their hair is horribly unattractive? Would you go into a thread about women struggling with their weight and tell them being heavier is disgusting or unattractive? Would you go into a thread for older women and say "oh god I hope I never get old because it's so unattractive I hate the way older women look"? Or "I'm so glad I'm not short I think short women are so ugly"? Because what you're saying in this thread is absolutely NO different than any of those comments.

LOL. Kinda like those people with the corgi/heeler bitches. They must be insane.

She probably would.

Ok since this thread is well on it's way to being derailed anyway. I bit my tongue when I saw her comment and here it goes.

Now, while I would have never wandered into a pregnancy thread just to say something like what DD said (manners and all)..I know that when I was younger, it was something I know I thought a lot.
A little age, a little experience, here is my 2 cents girl. Please take it to heart.

You are not the weight on the scale or what your tummy looks like or what your hair is doing that day. You need to stop wrapping your self worth around this kind of stuff.
Ok, let's say you NEVER get pregnant (vanity and all), your body is going to change. You will get old, your youth will leave, these things are NATURAL and if who you are and your vanity define you..you will crash and burn.

You need to accept that there are MANY MANY things in this world that are worth more than your body. Please, from someone who has gone through it..it is NOT a pretty world to live in thinking that way.

I am not saying you need to have babies or not care about your body but please, for the love of all that is good, you need to get your vanity in check. Because to go as far as to look at other women, to see what you consider "UN-attractive" and actually can't figure out why they would "do that to themselves" ..it's a pretty big red flag of body dysmorphia.

Nobody is saying you need to want to make that choice. but to actually not be able to understand why somebody else would..is troubling.

From someone who has been in your shoes. Who cringed at pregnant women, at people who were overweight, at ANYONE who dared not care about their body as much as I was obsessed about mine.
It's unhealthy. It's not a fun path to go down..trust me. The sense of entitlement, the smugness..that will quickly underweight the anxiety and wretchedness that comes with this kind of unhealthy obsession.

I used to look at pregnant women, at happy "haven't lost the baby weight yet" mothers and have the same kind of smug passive aggressiveness you are showing right now.
I'm a nice person, but I was sick. and I really fear for you.

because as my brain was telling me that I needed to be thinner, eat less, be perfect, stay perfect.
seeing these women, fat and HAPPY, it made me mad. It made me want to make them feel lesser, to make them see how I would feel if I gained weight..and I would let out the same little comments you have in this thread, in my head.

How DARE THEY gain weight and be happy?! How dare they make the choice to get pregnant knowing what it would do to them?! There are people who don't obsess about their bodies like I do?! Not only did it make me mad, it made me mean.

While I stared at the scale and prided myself on everything my body was. Gloated in the double glances boys took when I ran by, put my self worth on how I looked in a bikini.
It was INCONCEIVABLE in my mind that these people were as happy or lucky as I was.

and then I got better. and I got older, gained some perspective..and learned how much more I am than the outside. My body is more than just something for guys to look at and I don't owe the world perfection.

Now I look at pregnant women and see someone just like me, someone with wants.. this person just decided she wanted to have a baby.
Who cares about something as trivial as your body in comparison to something as life changing as a child if you really wanted one?

Now I know that I would happily sacrifice the abs and the toned thighs for something I truly wanted because IT IS NOT IMPORTANT. Those things aren't who I am. It's an important perspective to understand.

I also know that when I do lose these things..when the abs are covered by fat and my thighs giggle when I run and my boobs sag.. I will not lose myself. I will not freak out or think less of myself or worry about everyone else judging me because I waddle or my thighs rub together.
because it doesn't matter and these things will happen.

Now, I don't know you. I'm not claiming I do. but I do recognize the kind of dark hateful things I found in myself when I was sick. Not even when I was REALLY sick or obsessed or unheathy.. just the kind of unhealthy early stage of the kind of mental sickness. The little early warning signs I look back on look A LOT like those comments.

Before I was the girl who threw up, stopped eating, who went to the gym twice a day, counted calories, went to rehab, nearly died.

I was a regular teenage girl who "didn't get" fat people and pregnant people. Who couldn't sympathize or understand anyone who would "destroy" their bodies like they had. Who made passive aggressive little comments, who said rude things under the guise of "no offense intended.." and who prided herself in her vanity. Just like you.

I know you think that people are over-reacting, that you really don't get it and I know you probably aren't a bad person at all.
but you need to understand that you are hurting people with your words
and more-so than that, you are hurting yourself for continuing to reinforce yourself for thinking that way.

That little voice in your that feels..joyous.. when you say something like that, when you make someone else feel bad, when you put your vanity above all else including other people.
That little voice is not healthy for you.
and every time you say something mean or put yourself "above" someone who is what you see as "lesser/unattractive" (which I know you don't see but you ARE DOING)
that little voice gets stronger
until it is all you are.

THANK you Fran!!!!!

You put in words exactly what my thoughts were reading her posts. I am worried for her based on what she has written.

Fran, you're like my favorite person in the world.

Fran there's no way that you're 21. You are entirely too...I was going to say smart but I think wise and eloquent are better choices.