Disappointment over gifts

I only buy for my immediate family.... Ie, bro, sis, parents. That's it. It makes life a lot easier!!!

I think it depends on your family. I come from a large family, so buying for cousins blah blah would be ridiculous.

Who doesn't like receiving nice presents though?? I can't say I count what things cost though.... I couldn't actually tell you what i spent on mine.

And for reference, there were a LOT of people saying they felt their secret Santa wasn't good enough after seeing what other people had sent. Which sorta implies that quality and quantity DO matter to a lot of people.

But that's different. If my brother had adopted children, they're still HIS children, and still my nieces/nephews. But the person in question is NOT my brother's adopted child. She is the child of two people entirely unrelated to me. She's not adopted. She's not a step-child.

Haven't read the whole thread, but I was a little disappointed when my parents got my little sister an iPad 3 and a Kindle and a bunch of computer stuff, and gave me a pair of PJs.

Dizzy that's why I don't do Secret Santa. I'd end up buying crap because I suck at it and people would be mad at me!

Says who? Before my mother passed unexpectedly a couple years ago and my family essentially went into hiatus and stopped doing Christmas - because mom was the "matriarch" of both my immediate and extended family, and most flew in during the holidays, though the past couple of years we're kind of like chickens with our heads cut off - we had huge holiday get togethers. Not everyone brought gifts, and nobody kept a petty mental scoreboard.

Company Christmas party? I'm fairly certain you don't "have" to go, and you certainly don't have to bring gifts. Opt out of secret santa.

Friend's Christmas party? I'd have to re-evaluate my "friendship" with someone who expected me to show up to their party with gifts (though I'd bring gifts if I had enough time to plan them, like I said earlier I don't "do" thoughtless gifts).

Without any context, I can see why you might be offended at what she said. It didn't sound right to me either, the way it was originally written. After she explained it, it sounds like a child that isn't actually family, but gets included during holidays ... like if my sister (random example) was friends with my ex wife and decided to bring her kid, who isn't mine, to a family holiday party. The originally message still could have been written "better" but IMO it's not really offensive in that context.

We make sure our kids are equal as far as what they get, both in cost and gifts. They're both young so it'd be hard to explain 'we spent everything on a computer for you, and the same amount for ten things for your sister'. They're both happy with their stuff, both the home made, the second hand and the brand new.

For the niece and nephew, we did their whole family one gift, a gingerbread house loaded with candy. They got our kids some very nice, expensive gifts, but that's fine, nobody was upset or insulted, and frankly if they gave our family nothing, I wouldn't really care, the kids wouldn't notice. What they budget is their thing, same as us - we don't call and say 'ok,so $100 per kid?' before hand. I do think though they waste money on a 15 foot real tree every year - not a cheap one either, I think their tree is our total Christmas budget, but again, who cares really, if they're happy.

The ONLY gifts I've ever not liked where from my parents/mother.

One was a small dog statue that I loved, and owned. It went missing from my room and I was very upset, looked EVERYWHERE for it, was heartbroken, asked everyone in the house if they'd seen it, and was even more upset when I found out it wasn't something I could replace (limited edition). Then to get it months later from the same jerks that insisted they didn't know where it was and watched me cry.... yeah. Got grounded for not being happy to get it of course.

Also got the smurfs Christmas album when I was about 14. Now understand the year before I got the Thriller album. And I never, ever, ever LIKED the smurfs. Granted the movie that just came out isn't as bad, but the cartoon creeped me out. I think I faked liking it that year, but the year before got in trouble for not being thrilled about high tops and a butt ugly sweater that happened to be exactly like the teacher in jr I had wore all the time and she was not a 'liked' teacher.

Needless to say I now work really, really hard at enjoying the holidays and remembering what is important, the kids and my own family (I am 'divorced' from my bio family thankfully, a gift that I enjoy - no contact from them this season!).

But in general a gift is a gift and it's the thought.

I'm assuming family Christmas party. Which is what the people were complaining about in the first post. And for those I would feel definitely rude not to bring anything, at least if I knew others were getting me something.

She's family. She's her brother's step sister. Or at least I would expect people to count step children as family..

Fran its more like Chris and Lisa with their bio siblings. You don't count them (their siblings) as your children but they are Chris and Lisas sisters and brothers.

*shrug* In my family, family Christmas parties are about, well, spending time with family. To each their own, I guess, but don't make a blanket statement and say that you "have" to. Gift giving is always a choice.

Same here.

My brother's ex gf/wife's children with her husband are not my nieces and nephews. There is no relation there, blood or otherwise.

This. Exactly this. She's not related to me. Period.

I was hoping I understood the connection and explained it OK. It makes sense to me though - my nephew (through Matt) has step siblings and it would never have crossed my mind to buy presents for them.

Ok. I get it. In our case our 'niece' was born before my BIL married her mom, so she was always part of the family. Still offended by the blood comment, sorry. There were other ways of saying the same thing. Explaining that someone isn't family by saying they're not blood related is just wrong, no matter how you try to explain it.

And we'll have to agree to disagree about gift gifting being a choice. Maybe it's the case in your family. Probably it's not the case in every family (unless of course you want to be called a rude selfish person). Bottom line, it's not our place to judge how others can feel about their gifts when we don't know how it works in their family, and to make blanket statements saying that 'gifting is a choice' when really, sometimes it's not.

LOL I get what you're trying to say but it's not coming across very nicely.

I don't have blood family in this area, at least not any blood family I would allow within 500 feet of my children
For the last 10 years we go to my friend's house for Thanksgiving and Christmas. My friend's husband's sister gives my kids a Christmas gift every single year because she wants to, not because she has to. I guess she didn't get the memo about "blood" relatives LOL.

Man, I'd hate to be a part of a family that held its members at gunpoint and forced them to purchase gifts against their will every year. I'd consider running away and joining the circus.

I get that this girl isn't remotely (via blood, marriage, etc.) related to Sael, but it's still offensive IMO to single her out because she isn't "blood related". The post made it sound like she isn't family BECAUSE she's not blood related, which when tons of people have families who aren't blood related, can be really offensive. Saying something like "we made an effort to include someone non-related during our family gift-giving and she seemed ungrateful" is a lot more tactful than saying "we bought some non-blood-related child a gift and she was ungrateful".

I can understand feeling like you have to buy a gift for a boss or higher-up coworker, in some places that can very much have an effect on job stability and work environment, whether it's ethical or not.

And sure, some people do feel like they're expected to buy gifts for family, but if you're spending time and money buying gifts for family and the others aren't - why would you be the only one expected to make an effort? And if someone's spending a lot of time and money on a gift because they feel obliged to and like they'll be singled out if they don't, and getting nothing in return, well then they're being majorly taken advantage of and need to learn how to stand up for themselves instead of complaining about.

Yeah, nobody here has ever worded anything poorly before It is what it is. Get over it.