A few days ago I had finally talked myself into going to the doctor about feeling sick all the time. It's gotten so bad now that there are days I feel so sick I won't eat anything all day, or even for a few days in a row.
And now I've talked myself back out of it again, because I can't possibly figure out what COULD be wrong with me, I can't even figure out which doctor I should go see, and the way my job works I don't really have the time to go to six different doctors over and over, and I can't really afford that or a billion different tests, either... when I have the feeling it's not going to amount to anything. Just another "we don't know" like most of my health problems have been for the last four or five years.
I'm VERY good at talking myself out of things. Not very good at talking myself into things. I'm not very impulsive and I over-think things. And I kind of hate it. I wish I did things more on "I feel like doing this so I'm going to." The only time I've ever done that was when I decided to get Payton. I had a million reasons why not to do it, and finally I said "You know what? To hell with it. I'm doing it." And STILL I kept trying to argue myself out of it, LOL. The whole car ride up to see him, even on the car ride back down when I had already signed the contract, written the check, and he was in my arms, my brain was like "WHAT DID YOU JUST DO?!? OMG!! WHAT DID YOU JUST DO??" and full of all the reasons I absolutely should not have just done that. But it was too late at that point.
That is honestly the only time I can think of in the last, I dunno, decade or so where I've been impulsive and not allowed myself to talk myself out of something. Does anybody else do this? At first I thought it might just be a "woman thing," you know, but then I thought about some of the women I know and realized there's no way it can be a woman thing, LOL. So it must be something to do with a particular personality type I guess?
And now I've talked myself back out of it again, because I can't possibly figure out what COULD be wrong with me, I can't even figure out which doctor I should go see, and the way my job works I don't really have the time to go to six different doctors over and over, and I can't really afford that or a billion different tests, either... when I have the feeling it's not going to amount to anything. Just another "we don't know" like most of my health problems have been for the last four or five years.
I'm VERY good at talking myself out of things. Not very good at talking myself into things. I'm not very impulsive and I over-think things. And I kind of hate it. I wish I did things more on "I feel like doing this so I'm going to." The only time I've ever done that was when I decided to get Payton. I had a million reasons why not to do it, and finally I said "You know what? To hell with it. I'm doing it." And STILL I kept trying to argue myself out of it, LOL. The whole car ride up to see him, even on the car ride back down when I had already signed the contract, written the check, and he was in my arms, my brain was like "WHAT DID YOU JUST DO?!? OMG!! WHAT DID YOU JUST DO??" and full of all the reasons I absolutely should not have just done that. But it was too late at that point.
That is honestly the only time I can think of in the last, I dunno, decade or so where I've been impulsive and not allowed myself to talk myself out of something. Does anybody else do this? At first I thought it might just be a "woman thing," you know, but then I thought about some of the women I know and realized there's no way it can be a woman thing, LOL. So it must be something to do with a particular personality type I guess?