Moving across country

That's the lesson I took from Twilight, so it must be true.

MD is pricey as hell, but CA is pricey like NOVA. Try to price out a room or apartment in NOVA/CA and see if that works for you. I found it to be very expensive - living on your own is only possible making $50k a year and having no kids or outstanding debt to pay off. Don't forget to add in utilities and food and stuff.

Honestly I say try it and if it doesn't work out, you can go home.

I have kind of been in the same type of situation. I am 22, never lived without my family, never went to college, work part time (though I just came out of working 2 part time jobs and was working 6-6 mon-fri) and honestly I feel 17, 18 years old. Not 22. My sister and I have been planning since we were kids to move out together when she turns 18. Well she'll be 18 in July and we have just now started talking about the probability of that not happening. And we are okay with it. I have WONDERFUL parents. They have welcomed us our whole lives to stay with them as long as we need/want to. I honestly think that there is nothing wrong with that. Of course every one is different and most people want to leave home and get that space away from their parents and be independent and I totally get that side, too. I have a little of both. I am extremely close to my parents. But they are adults and so am I, now. It does get a little old having to abide by someone else's rules as an adult. But I respect that this is their home and I understand that. No one is stopping me from leaving if I want a change. But right now I am content. I am saving money and if my sister and I find a place that is the right price, we will go for it. But there is no hurry and I am okay with that. I think it's smart to stay home as long as possible and save money. But I also think that especially if you have home to come back to, that it is perfectly fine and even advisable to venture out and try something new.

I think you should go for it. You will never be this young or this free or able to just MOVE and go. Worst case scenario you move back in a year with plenty of new life experience.
I did it (for college that is) but still, the works.. I had NEVER lived without my parents and I got an apartment alone and I figured it out. It was hard but I mean...you gotta do what you gotta do. It's been 5 years and I can't imagine ever going back.

I have NO regrets. I can't imagine being 22 and still living at home in the same city doing the same things and being a kid to my parents...I'm so happy I left. I love my parents, I had a great home and a stable environment... but being on your own, making your own choices, living by yourself and making your life, just the independence of it all, even with the responsibilities and money and sometimes eating ramen for a week straight lol.. I love it.
Especially being in a new city. I moved to connecticut and knew NO ONE and moved to boston and knew NO ONE, being able to do that and make friends and make a life was really awesome for me, as scary as it was, I proved to myself that I can go anywhere and make it "home".

That said, san diego is insanely expensive to live (think manhattan prices rental wise, especially with a dog) and you need a car to do ANYTHING in cali (it is not a public transport friendly as you would think for a city)....I would perhaps visit, get a lay of the land, and figure out a budget. because honestly, I hate to be a downer.. but two part-time workers are not going to cut it rent-wise.
Expect to pay expect to pay around 1800-2 grand for anything decent.. in a decent area. And that is being very generous. Think about that plus food, plus car expenses, plus jackson expenses, plus utilities..I wouldn't pack a bag until you've flown out there, checked out some areas, spoken to some realtors, saved enough for first/last/security/realtors fee (that is rent x 4) plus some and made a budget plan you can afford.

One of my friends made the move (to LA) and started out by renting 2 bedrooms (for her and her friend) in a home with other roomies, month by month. It's a great way to get started for less as you get the lay of the land. Check craigslist and of course be super careful visiting/trust your gut.

Oh and encourage your family to send you care packages your first few months, you will need them.
And start following your mom around the house because all those little things she does will soon turn into little things you have to do/never realized she did (change the little box in the fridge, laundry, cleaning, cooking, getting stains out, cleaning the toilet, making sure you have shampoo lol etc..)

I am obviously the reverse--live in DC, family in California. I make it home once per year to see grandparents/aunts/uncles/cousins, my parents come out here once per year. (I haven't seen my sister in 1.5 years, since she no longer lives in California either.) There is a summer trip, and a Christmas or Thanksgiving trip (but not both holidays). Plane tickets are around $350 at their cheapest, $500 during peak travel. That would be doable, but then you also have to think that you're taking time off, so you're not earning a paycheck those days if you're hourly.

I'm not trying to be debbie downer! Getting back to southern California is my dream, and if my husband had realistic employment opportunities there we'd be packing our boxes. I just want to share the realities of what living 2500 miles away from family looks like sometimes.

Do you have enough money saved up to say "This is going to be a 1 year trial run"? You can do anything for a year. Get a job, sign a lease, set aside money for moving back home at the end of the year if you need it, and then you can re-evaluate in 1 year if you want to stay or go home. If you find yourself broke and homesick, sell all your furniture and fly back. If you find yourself loving life and living the dream, hooray, carry on.

Edit: Fran brings up a good point about Jackson's expenses. California is very dog friendly. California rental markets in desirable areas are NOT dog friendly. Landlords can be extremely picky--and pets are not liked by most. MANY MANY MANY people dropped off animals at the shelter I volunteered at growing up, because they honestly couldn't find pet friendly housing. Make sure you have a plan (and a back up plan) lined up.

The idea of that completely terrifies me lol but I know where you're coming from. I'll be 23 soon and I'm just like... waddup, still living at home. But I have graduated college and I do work full time, I'm just too poor to do what I want (I do not not not want an apartment with dogs). There are days where I'm like OMG I'M LEAVING TOMORROW, but I do kind of have it made in the shade soo.... thankfully my parents are totally supportive of me staying here, saving up money and being able to move out into a place that I'll like.

Moving out on my own PERIOD is super nerve wracking to me lol, and I know I will never go far from home. I absolutely do not have the personality to make such a huge life change as moving across the country, but the fact that you're even considering it tells me that you at least sort of do lol. Makes it easier I guess if you'd have a friend going with. Go for it?

Lol, so true. I mean the thing with my house is, it's not really like.. normal parents either though. I have no rules, or anything. And technically I do make my own choices with everything. They've always been super chill and laid back with me anyway, but it's not really like a parent/child type relationship or living situation. They help me in the sense that... my dad helps me with my car payment and car insurance, I don't have a mortgage or a rent, etc. I do buy my own groceries (but am "allowed" to eat anything in the house too lol), I'm responsible for my own dog, my own clothes, my own laundry, and I live in the edition on the house and have my own space that I keep clean, bathroom, etc.

Yes, I really want to do that before anything. I am definitely worried about Cali for cost reasons. Plus the fact that I've never been there :rofl1: I already told her I need to get a feel for the place before anything.

Around here in MD, apartments are usually in the $1000-$1500/month range plus pet fees. We were browsing online in San Diego and saw apartments/houses for rent a lot cheaper (like $900/month range) but maybe we were looking in really crappy areas? Like I said, we have a lot to research and learn. She's been to San Diego a few times.

See this is the thing I worry about too. I'm definitely kind of a private-ish person. I just don't do well living with lots of people in close quarters that aren't my immediate family. So something like this wouldn't really interest me LOL, but I know it's kind of... necessary sometimes. I'm honestly a little worried about my friend too, she's more ... social than me. Like she NEEDS to be around people all the time, and then she also doesn't quite understand my dog thing either. Like I'm trying to explain that I have to do what's best for Jackson too and she's like "you can't let a dog hold you back!" LOL... and I'm not, BUT the logistics of it all DO have to come into play. She doesn't understand that I won't board him, or just leave him with anyone/anywhere. She's all "Oh I'm sure we'll make friends and if we need to do something, they'll let him out or whatever!" and it's not that simple with a quirky dog like Jackson who doesn't like strangers.

LOL, luckily I pretty much do all of these things minus the little box in the fridge, oh and cooking :rofl1:

Well I have my moments. I remember being younger thinking I was always going to move away someday. And then it's just... I don't know, scary. I get all "YAY let's do it" and then I REALLY think about it and get scared.

Like I said, I do feel like maybe making a move a bit closer would not be quite as scary for me. BUT it's like... if I'm gonna move, I feel like I should at least do it where I'd be happy. Weather is a huge deciding factor. I'm super depressed and unmotivated in the winter. And from what I've read and people I've talked to, it's hard to beat CA as far as weather goes.

As for the living situation, I get it, that's how I was with my parents (no rules, independence etc..) thing is, it's VERY different when you are on your own without that safety net. My parents were very "live and let live" and living on my own was still a huge independence shock, suddenly everything seems very adult and permanent and scary as hell (signing leases? legal docs? bills? electric? call the landlord?...I almost fainted the first time I moved into my apartment and had to deal with building my own ikea furniture and calling people, I hate phone calls.)

And as an introvert who now lives with an extrovert (she loves people! and not being alone). Tread lightly and communicate and set rules or else you will kill each other. If you need alone time you need to tell her that EARLY, make rules about guests, hours and especially Jackson

As for the rent thing if you are finding apartments in san diego for $900 a month (for 2 beds??) I would be EXTREMELY EXTREMELY cautious of area and scams.
padmapper is very helpful

Going to visit will of course help a lot, signing a lease online is something I would NEVER suggest, visit neighborhoods and research research research. A good realtor in your case is a god send. Use yelp and review and find a GOOD one, they are worth their weight in gold.

I've lived on my own (alone) for about 5 years now? Previous to that I was in apartments/dorms with room mates in college. I moved states when I was 18 then moved back about 2.5 years ago.

It's nice making your own life but I'm not that great at it, lol. Or maybe it's where I live. I don't bar hop or anything so meeting people has been a slow deal and sometimes it's lonely. I had two years in TX where I really didn't know many people at all. I'm 2.5 years here from knowing no one at all to now finally having a life. Still not quite as busy as I would prefer but everyone has jobs and kids and stuff now.

Overall I like where I am now- close enough to visit family a couple times a month but on my own with my own place. I moved back in for a couple months post college and it sucked. I can't do that again.

It's expensive, especially if you're on your own on your own with no room mates. Even in a low cost of living area, I swear there are 94539843934885897328579 expenses I didn't even think of when I was younger and living with my parents.

I had a date that I knew my parents wouldn't let me stay at home anymore afterwards. And I'm so glad they did that. I think it's good to take those first steps to independence. Sometimes it's easy to linger at what is comfortable when what is best needs to be a little uncomfortable. That's how you grow. And it's great when you can look at everything you're building for yourself as far as your life goes. My next step is to finally get out of landlord-ville.

Moving is EXTREMELY expensive. When I moved from Seattle to Detroit I only took 3 suitcases and I flew, and me and the two dogs ran $1300. A cross country move with a whole household of stuff, youre probably looking at $2000+ for the moving van, gas, etc. Make sure you have the money to cover everything, and extra for rental costs once you arrive until you get work. And also assume you wont GET work for 6 months. So have 6 months rent onhand. If you dont end up needing it, great, save that money for a rainy day.

My biggest and most bitter regret in life was moving to michigan and I curse myself every single day for this choice. make sure its what you want, because its not easy to and not cheap to make the return move again if you decide it was the wrong call.

I can understand wanting to get out on your own but all the way across the country... I dunno. My older sister lives in California, has a fairly well paying job and the family is still lucky if we see her once every 2 or 3 years and we're in the Midwest.

Also, while you're checking out the cost of apartments, etc., check out the tax/insurance rates too, nothing like finding out your take home pay is even less than you thought it would be. I live in the Midwest, don't make a lot and still lose almost a third of that to taxes/health insurance.

I'm a little leery about your friend, too - if she doesn't 'get' dogs or the responsibility that goes with owning a dog, I can see that being a major sticking point. My younger sister had a roomie who didn't 'get' cats, left the apartment door open while bringing in groceries and one of the cats got out and was hit by a car. The roomie didn't even realize the cat had gotten out, Sis had to go looking after she got home from work.

Don't want to be a downer but then again, I'm a cautious person and our family moved around quite a bit while I was growing up, so I'm happy to stay in one place. A little over an hour away from immediate family is far enough for me.

Sometimes when I'm struggling with a big decision like this, I think of the worst thing that could happen with either decision, and then decide which "worst" is worse. For example, if at this point, if you don't do it, how much will you regret it in 2, 5, 10 years? Can you live with that? If you do it and it ends up being a disaster and you have to move back home, can you live with that? Which is the worse worst?

It might be the best choice you ever made. It might be the worst choice you ever made. Either way, you won't know until you do it and you'll learn from it and move past it if it turns out to be a mistake. You are in a great position to go for it - you're young, no kids or SO to think about, small dog, a supportive family and friends to fall back on and plenty of time to bounce back if you really get yourself into trouble.

Life isn't necessarily about always being absolutely sure you're making the right decision beforehand. Expect the best, prepare for the worst (pay attention to everyone encouraging you to budget and look into expenses!), and however it turns out try to take something away from it. I've made some decisions in my life that in retrospect seemed absolutely crazy, but turned out to take me exactly where I wanted to be in life. Sometimes you just have to do stuff.

Wow, you guys have given me some great advice and great insight. I love Chaz for this reason.

After sleeping on it, and doing some research, etc, I'm just not entirely sure my heart is saying California. I DO want to move, or at least begin my journey to starting my own life, but maybe just... not so far. I truly DON'T want to be one of those people who loses connections with their family (my young siblings would be beyond devastated), or only see them twice a year, etc. Flying is expensive, and I can tell myself now "Oh, I'll get out more than 2x a year!" but.... I know realistically, that probably won't happen. Ya know, life happens, everyone has their own lives going on. I'm just not sure I want to be THAT person. I think I like the *idea* more than the act of actually... doing it. And I think if I truly wasn't that close to my family, I'd be more game for it. But I can't deny that I do enjoy spending time with my immediate family and would truly miss it.

I think it would honestly be different if I were in a serious relationship with a guy, or about to get married or something, and we together wanted to move. But the fact that it's my best friend is kind of scaring me because we ARE very different in a lot of ways, and I don't want to end up hating spending time with her. And I am a lot more private than she is. She loves barhopping, I will go occasionally but it's just not my 'thing'. Sometimes I WISH I was more like that, but... I'm just not, and can't change who I am.

As far as moving out of state though, even though I like the west coast better and the weather way better, I do feel my heart really lies in South Carolina. I don't think I'd enjoy the summers (but I hate MD summers, too) but the rest of the year, I think I'd really enjoy. I really have fallen in love with Charleston every time I've been there. It's a certain vibe I get. Now, granted, I haven't been to Cali yet, so I may go visit there and be like THISISWHEREINEEDTOBE. But as far as Charleston goes, I like that there is nightlife, and bars, but it's not CRAZY or anything, and I do like a bit more slow-paced, laid back kind of lifestyle. I've heard great things about Charleston for young, single people. I have really close "relatives" (like family) 2hrs away in Hilton Head AND my dad wants to be down South within 2-4 years. My stepdads two sisters are in Charleston now and just LOVE it.

I know I just went from one thing to the next. I'm just trying to think logically, as well. As much as I'd love to be spontaneous and say LET'S JUST GO... I just feel like there's so much more involved for me. And my friend is much more of a fly by the seat of your pants kind of girl than I am as it is. She's like... wanting to book a plane ticket by May. And I'm just not sure I can tell her with 10000% certainty that I'm going to do this, and I don't want to hold her back.

I think I should make myself a plan, start setting goals, and realistically discuss moving to a place like Charleston. Unfortunately, it'll have to essentially be on my own, because she's not interested in moving South. But I think I'd feel a bit more... comfortable with the fact that it's a half-days drive away from home, I do have close family there, with close family more than likely on the way within the next few years (my dad).

I'm really seriously grateful and appreciative for all of your comments. It really gave me a lot to think about.

No advice on the moving thing, but I wanted to touch on the non-profit thing. If you're moving states, you can't just move states and expect the entity to just... move with you. You have to take into account the work of trying to make it an entity in the new state, etc. I'm not sure how long the whole process takes, but it costs money, I believe there are lawyer fees for moving it, and is definitely a process.

ETA: woah, sorry. Not properly thought out/sentenced sentences. I obviously have yet to have caffeine. :lol-sign:

Well, it sounds like you've reached your own conclusions, and that's awesome I was going to encourage you to go because honestly, as someone who has done this a bunch of times, it's so, so thrilling and awesome and wonderful. It's stressful as hell but you get to feel so alive and so far from stagnation.

I love my family, I really do. We talk ALL the time, to the point where my friends think I'm nuts for how close I am with them. But I'm never geographically close to them - I can love them from afar and get my adventure too, the way I see it, you just have to be committed to Skype and/or phone time.

But that's my bias, as someone who up and left MD to go to England for half a year, came back to PA, left to spend another year and a half in a different part of England, and now am living in NYC. I make do, I survive, I just plan out the essentials...and leap. Dog and all.