A coworker at work today was complaining to me about how much she missed her boyfriend, because he was out of town yesterday and last night. How she just felt "unsettled" because she missed him, it was really weird not having him around, and how much she was looking forward to seeing him tonight.
Does that make me a bad person if I wanted to scream at her to just shut up, and that one day is nothing?
Does not make you a bad person.
And as someone who also is dating someone who is in the military.. it's a feeling you should get used to but ALSO maybe learn to see a different way or it will eat you up/make you want to kill people.
Yea, to us it may seem like an outrage, an insulting awful thing to say spoken from a spoiled brat who doesn't know what it's like to go MONTHS, without seeing the person they love, without phone calls or email even.
But your relationship being hard, doesn't mean to her, hers isn't hard too.
(I think of it like the kid in africa symdrom.. sadness/longing is not a competition. "Oh I just lost my job, I'm so sad" "WELL AT LEAST YOU AREN'T A STARVING KID IN AFRICA!" ) people having it worse doesn't mean you doesn't deserve to feel the way you feel or that your feelings aren't valid.
It used to grate on my nerves. It really did. But I noticed that they can't help how they feel.. and even when my boyfriend is HOME, don't I miss him when he's gone for an hour? a day? lol even though I know better..
How I've learned to deal with it is..
"UGH I MISS MY BF SO MUCH HE'S BEEN GONE ALL WEEKEND"
"Would you like some advice? I know missing the person you love is hard, my boyfriend is deployed and the secret is to stay busy.. do you have a hobby? lots of girl friends?"
Usually...
A. They feel better because it puts its in perspective/they get advice
and B. It reminds them to maybe not voice their 48 hour longing in front of me
It's hard to accept and deal with (because it hurts to hear and the want to scream YOU DONT KNOW WHAT MISSING A PERSON IS is strong) but people miss the ones they love, no matter how long they'e been gone, it's how they feel.
They aren't used to the idea as much as we are and in a way.. I guess we are more "used to it' and in many ways, it is more taxing for people who have no even had to think about what's it like to spend a night away from their S/O. To them, it's unheard of. To us.. it's kind of part of the deal.
It also helps to think of the PERKS we have that she (as a person in a regular relationship) does not...
- Dead bedrooms (nothing revs up the sex drive like distance)
- Independence (Clingy? Not anymore! This life makes two people who are totally independent of each other and capable of living without one another)
- Frequent flyer miles (oh the joys of travel!)
- Cute uniforms
- Letters/care packages (I mean, who but us actually writes hand written mail? lol)
- the importance of words/conversation. When communication isn't an "always"/given.. words are precious. Nobody gets that more than people who don't get to speak when they want and get 5 minutes when they do. You learn that words are precious and to THINK before you speak.
- Big girl panties. When things in life go wrong.. you can't call your boyfriend to fix it. You've gotta put your big girl panties on and deal.. alone. Like superwoman.
- Homebody syndrome is no more. I don't get attached to places anymore, my apartment is a place where my **** is. Home is where he is.
- Hobbies, focus on school/work: forget the distractions of a constant live in boyfriend! More room for activities! My grades have never been better.
- You know the person you are going through all this for, is the person you are meant to be with. No question. Nobody goes through all this because of sex or some other vapid reason... nothing tests true love like this situation. Which I think is pretty amazing.
WARNING: You have every right to punch people in the throat who do/say the following
- Ya but you knew what it was going to be like when you starting dating him..
- Ya but you wouldn't understand, I'm not in it for the money
- *continues to complain about his weekends away and how much she misses him and how great it's going to be to see him in your presence*
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE ISN'T COMING HOME FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY??
- Oh god I don't know how you'd do it, I'd kill myself
- How do you NOT sleep around? I heard a lot of people in military relationships do..