The Venting Thread

I say this with absolutely genuine advice but if this is true you may want to think about why you post online with the recent care of yourself. That said with his criminal issues and the fact he's not yet on a birth certificate it sounds like a slam dunk in your favor unless he's willing to pay big bucks.

Just play it smart and remember everything on this forum, also on FB, is public.

I've been taking good care of myself. And yeah, I'm just kind of frightened about it all. What if's going through my head.

Good luck, Barbara. Is he seriously fighting for custody? He is a fool. Continue to better yourself and be a strong role model and he won't stand a
Chance.

Best of luck

What is he thinking?

Caution: clusterf*ck of just random stressful first world problems/things about to pop off in this post

Just been feeling kind of stressed lately. Usually I'm fine but in waves sometimes it all just comes crashing down in moments of SHUHnjjthgulrkghbeth like this one and I thought getting it all down would help.
I don't really know what I want to be. I'm happy here, I like school, I like my job, I love Merlin of course..
but I feel the pressure setting in. It's like this constant weight on my chest. What the hell am I doing with my life?

The stress of my student loans

The stress of my body not being what I want it to be. My thighs touch when I walk and that is a constant reminder of me just..letting it all go.

Disappointing people

Not know what I want to do career wise really.
I just sit there and straddle the line between "CARPE DIEM! ONE DAY AT A TIME.. I"M FOCUSING ON MY LIFE TODAY and.. OH GOD! I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT! I AM GOING TO END UP HOMELESS OR LIVING WITH MY PARENTS! I NEED A CAREER GOAL!"

Graduating a year behind my friends because I changed majors (yay for more debt.)

and GUILT over this stress because yea.. I've been very lucky when it comes to scholarships, supportive parents etc..etc..many people have it MUCH worse

I'm 21.. what if I end up alone?

A while back I was in a bind.. I owed money for school and my parents were going through a rough patch and there was NO money coming in from Haiti and we were giving all liquid funds to help family there because of the earthquake and I took out this $7000 loan.. super high interest RIDICULOUS loan. and I am paying it off but I just hate myself for doing it. It's stacking up interest and just..it's awful. I hate it so much. I had to do it, it was, at the time, the only choice so I could take my finals.. but I just resent it so much. And I feel like a mouse on a wheel paying this thing off as the interest keeps piling on.

I waste way too much time on the internet and watching stupid TV. I know this. I hate myself for doing this. PICK UP ONE OF THE MANY MANY UNREAD BOOKS SITTING ON THE SHELF DAMMIT. Do something productive instead of wasting away.

I hate when my inner introvert shows up at the WORST times. I love my friends..do I call them? Nope. Do I text them? No. How about family.. nope, not calling them either. Let me sit like a hermit with my dog too anxious to talk to the people I love and then hurt that they don't ALWAYS reach out and talk to me.
Why is it so hard for me to ask for help? to tell people that I'm hurt or upset and need them.

I hate having to act happy all the time. I mean.. why do I do this? Of course nobody knows I'm stressed or sad or upset.. because little miss sunshine HAS to be there. ALL THE TIME. because to show my feelings would be impolite. Because who would care? How would people react? What would they think?

So much guilt. Because.. I have it so much better than many.

Why do I want to cry all the time? is it normal? Do people feel that in their chest all day? Is smiling a coping mechanism for EVERYONE?

Why do I take it out on myself.. if I eat less, pluck more, cover up more, conceal this, highlight that, fix my bangs, run more, workout more, stand in the mirror and pick out my flaws until they are ALL I can see.. how will my life be better? When has that EVER worked?

Stop obsessing over stupid things. Yes, I ate 3 bites of lemon pound cake this morning. Who cares. Why does this bother me as much as it does? THE POUND CAKE IS NOT TO BLAME FOR YOU BEING UPSET.

I am a perfectly reasonable normal human being when I'm a friend. Put me in a romantic relationship and I become just.. ugh. I try so hard to be perfect, to be just right, to please the other person.. I get lost. Why do I do this? Why can't I just be myself? So of course I'm scared to be in a relationship because yes, what if they do see the REAL me and *shock*..they don't like it.

My hair is curly. The weather is currently humid and rainy and wet. WHO CARES that it doesn't lay perfectly. Why does it bother me so? and why can't I accept that my hair is curly.. I hate fighting with blowdryers and irons but..I always do.

I need to stop staring at my thighs and butt in the mirror. Why do I do this? Torture myself? Maybe I'm some kind of masochist.

I need to stop procrastinating. Seriously. When is the last time I started a paper more than 3

Having a friend that is mad at you sucks.
Not being able to apologize of fix it because you are mad at them as well..also sucks.

Should I have a 401k.. should I have a bigger savings account. Wtf am I doing. I'm supposed to be an adult. Should I have a credit card. Should I be building my credit?!

Why are my legs so short. It's weird. I mean.. I'm short.. but they are disproportionally short.

Stop eating to deal with stress.
Stop rewarding yourself with food.
YOU
ARE
NOT
A
DOG
Stop making food into the climactic villain or coping mechanism.

Stop worrying about loans all the time. If freaking out over loans paid loans.. you wouldn't have any.
One step at a time.

There are so many worse things health wise than what I have. And yet. I feel like it occupies everything I do. Where I go, when I go, what I do. BUT WHAT IF? WHAT IF? SEIZURES SEIZURES SEIZURES SEIZURES.
I'm sick of the drugs, of falling, of being sick, of hospitals, just ALL OF IT. I want it to just be done.

They are just loans.
It's not cancer.
It's not a death sentence.
It's not life in debt and homelessness.
It's money owed.
You will deal with it.
$13,000
It's less than a lot of cars.
Your college experience, your diploma.. is worth so much more.
STOP FREAKING OUT.

I haven't been wearing my retainer and I am getting a gap in my teeth. Really cute.

What if I mess Merlin up? What if I don't train him enough now and he ends up a total terror and I can't find a place to rent because he is a nightmare and I can't move or do anything and he is miserable. What if his separation anxiety gets worse.. like.. a lot worse? what the hell am I going to do.

What if after all this I end up at some dead end job that I hate. And all this was for nothing. and my parents think I'm a enormous failure and everything falls apart

English majors. I love my major but what if it's really useless. What if law school doesn't work out and I've done all this for a nothing diploma. I'm too far in and not close enough and just.. gah.

What if I look back one day and realize I did nothing. I watched tv, I went online, I ate, I slept.. I did..nothing.

They say there is someone for everyone but what if there isn't.


that didn't feel much better but at least it's all out. I am going to go take a shower and go to bed now.

^i want to give you a hug and post such a similar thread (seriously I'm in tears right now) but can't bring myself to put all my horribleness on the Internet.

Restaurant impossible is an episode I just saw earlier this week. So annoyed.

I'm with Fran. College is so over-whelming. I feel for you, Fran. If it makes you feel any better, you're not alone. There are so many of us. The pressure of going to college and finding a job that goes perfectly with your degree.... It's astounding. You CAN do it. I don't know you that we'll, but from what I've seen, you're a great person. I see pictures of Merlin all charming and smiling and I think he fits you so well. You may not always be happy. No one is or should be. You are a human. You don't have to be perfect. You seem like a very smart, talented, bright woman who has an adorably amazing puppy. Its hard to have so much responsibility. I wish you the best of luck and I hope I continue getting to know you and Merlin.

I was going to vent but I just watched a very sad and moving film about a Kelpie. (Red Dog)
And Fran's post made me want to take a step back and reflect on my life. All things considered.... It's not that bad.

Still sick, calling the dr again on Monday. She said if I didnt grt better in a few days to call. I'm scared because its probably pneumonia, I can feel SO much junk in my lungs and I get out of breath easily and when I cough, there is stuff to cough up, I can feel it, but it doesn't come out. I'm scared because people die of this and I already agreed to take on extra hours at work and I can't take it back now, I'm sure she'd understand, she's just getting over pneumonia as well, but I just ASKED her for more hours! How can I turn them down now? And Friday is the Justin Bieber concert. I can't miss it. I can't. I won't. I will be at that concert. I've thought about this concert every day for the last 8 months. I won't miss it.

To be honest, if you're that sick, I'm shocked she's letting you work. Don't you work with kids? I'd be pissed if I found out somebody watching my kid was sick and working, if my kid came home sick.

My dogs are wild horrible incorrigible beings. They embarrassed me so bad when they met Monkeys23 yesterday. Obviously, we have all dealt with a lot lately but dangit behave a bit.

Rosey is annoying me. Yes, I've been gone all day. I don't care. STOP STARING AT ME.

Thinking of making a thread about it... Don't want the hordes again, though.

((HUGS FRAN))

Other people may have it worse, but that doesn't make what you're feeling any less valid! I hope you're feeling better soon.

FB me if ya want to vent , take this to heart though , Louisiana is very mother friendly , with you going to school , living in a stable situation and having your parents there to back you up , you should be fine. I know I said should , because there are flukes in all systems.


This is actually a good thing , They will be established paternity thru the courts and they will nail his ass for child support and medical. All you have to do is , go to school and show the court what a good mom you will be. He has criminal charge to look forward to, the court will frown upon that.

I know the emotions are still wildly swinging , especially while pregnant and a break up , please dont let them bring you down. I am here for ya , and (in my best cheesy dude from waterboy (adam sandler movie) "YOU CAN DO THISSSSSSSS!"




EDIT~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To the other peeps feeling overwhelmed and panicky , you are not alone , everyone feels that away. HUGS , I still feel that away sometimes , and I have been happily on my life path for over a decade now.

Jess: I'm not contagious, I've been in antibiotics long enough not to be, but it does irk me that I told her I had severe bronchitis verging on pneumonia and she didn't even comment on it. My temporary site leader even told me to take it easy and stay home if I need to, but my supervisor hasn't said a word. But at the same time, I have asked for more hours and she is giving them to me, so I feel like I can't turn them down. I want her to know I was serious about wanting more hours. If it's bad enough come Monday, I will call out of work, but I have to try.

Hannah is not feeling well again. She wasn't feeling well Friday morning but come afternoon and evening she was fine, all yesterday she was fine until the evening. Yesterday was "leftovers from the fridge, eat wherever you want" night lol. So Hannah took hers into her room and was watching a movie. After she ate she told me she wasn't feeling well again and that she was going to just stay in bed and watch her movie. After a bit I went in to check on her since she was being awfully quiet and found this scene....



Zonked out... before bedtime. That never happens. She fell asleep around 7-7:30 and didn't get up until 9:30 this morning. Now she's camped out in her bed watching movies. When she woke up she called me in and said "mommy I'm still sick. My antibodies aren't working" LOL even when she's sick she's still funny.

She has perked up a bit but still just wants to hang out in her bed and be snuggly. So her and I are skipping church today, Brian went so he'll take notes lol.

I don't know what is wrong with her. She's eating and drinking fine, no fever, no cough, she just says her "whole self hurts". I don't know if I should take her to the doctor or not. I'll give it a couple days and decide. I am hesitant to take her to the doctor because if she doesn't have something already... she will catch something from the doctors office. Happens everytime lol and with this flu going around I sure don't want her to get that.

I'm incredibly sore from the gravel project yesterday... back is totally screwed up. My right arm is useless for a lot of things (using the mouse hurts after a bit.)
And I have shopping to do but it's currently icing so I don't wanna leave the house. But since my arm hurts I'm not getting a lot accomplished anyway.

Urrrgh. I know I way overdid it and shouldn't have, but yesterday very well could be the last really warm day we'll have probably until spring, so I fully intended to take advantage.
Ow ow ow.

My co-workers with kids, and their friends with kids, have all said that this year's cold/flu is hitting their kids a lot like this. Just really malaise-y and run down and achey.

Doh. I hope it's not the flu.

She is a little perkier right now. Actually came out of her room for awhile.