My bf left me

He hasn't up and left,I just meant in the title that we've broken up.At the moment he can't even move out,so he has to sleep on the sofa.Tbh i would rather he was nasty and horrible,then I could shout,scream and hate him.But he is being supportive.I'm just struggling with the fact he's been unhappy for a year and hasn't told me.That PISSES me off.He say's I still love you,just not in the way were meant to love each other(yeah I knew something was wrong when he started speaking movie talk)"I'll still be here for you,I want to be your friend,your my family" Grrr I know I'm defending him.I just don't know how to be when I can't be angry -_-

Thank you,I'll try and remember that.I can feel myself thinking that way,I thought when I woke up this morning he would say something,take it all back but that didn't happen.He still trying to call me "baby",I'm like you gotta drop that from your vocab.Today is better,I'm sorry for the melodramatic post's I'm a drama queen.I went to the doctors (for a chest problem)but also ended up crying (I sooooo didn't want to) she said I should try some Rescue Remedy.
--------------------3hours later lol------------------------------
Thank you so much everyone,seriously.I just feel sick,like I'm waiting to wake up or for him to say he didn't mean it.God I need some more dignity and less pride.I can't even tell my family,all I can think is I wanted this to work so bad.My aunt was over doing work with him so I managed to put a brave face on for 4hours,that exhausted me.Luckily he is going to a friends tonight and my friend is going to stay over.Hopefully I can sleep tonight,I need some sleeping pills.I know its ridiculous but all i can think is what is Coco going to think she loves him so much

Oh and in terms of hobbies,pffftttt I'm in my final term of uni, I need to be working my ass off on a film project,it came to a standstill because i have bronchitis.I'm ill in bed which makes this worse,it's sunny outside I could have been in the park with Coco all day but...meh.
My favorite hobby involve money : shopping and a holidays.I guess after that it would be watching movies,reading(great time for me to have JUST finished the hunger games).I don't know,the only thing I can think of that would distract me would be a round the world tour with Coco a camera and a limitless credit card.

Listen to the voice of experience

Breathe. One breath at a time.

You aren't going to be able to cut off thinking about all the "what ifs" and "what did I do wrongs" and all that other bullshit. The only recourse there is to let it flow through. THROUGH. Don't try to stop it, don't try to dam it up. Let it flow THROUGH.

The anger will come. It will be mixed in with sadness, and at some point it will hit you and the anger will be stronger than the sadness -- let that flow through as well.

Do what you need to do, whether it's being with friends or holing up by yourself and licking your wounds.

Never hurts to change something outwardly either, whether it's a hairstyle, new makeup, tweak your style a bit . . . Changing your outside really does help to get your inside with the program, silly as it may sound.

I am so sorry. But I agree with the rest, better to find out now and move on than to have it drag out.

Mer posted a what to read next thread you might want to check out

How about picking a trick to teach Coco?

Also remember how stressed you were when you got her? But you got through that its its now great, right? You can get through this, it WILL be ok.

Yeah that's what I've been thinking about,how much I felt when I had my Coco breakdown compared to now.I will cry less,eventually.I was hysterical last night.I'm still crying now.
I know its stupid but I'm embarrassed to tell people we failed.

Thank you.Tbh I just want to run away,but cant.O how bills trap you.

Break ups suck. Big time.

You can always bring coco up to see me and bodhi and run around some fields/hills/beaches in the sunshine if all else fails!!!

Take it one day at a time. It will feel ok at some point.

I am so sorry...

I am going to repeat some of what Renee said...

Breathe...nice, and deep breaths.

Pour your attention into what is important right now for you...just you! Finishing your education and Coco.

Moving on is hard...especially when you were so close for so long. The first thing you need is to find where you are, people tend to lose track of themselves a little in relationships. Take time, heal, and find yourself.

Breathe through the hurt... (((Hugs)))

It's okay to be sad. I cried for months. I was angry for over a year... and yet one day I was just done with all of it. As cheesy as it sounds life goes on. You'll probably be up and down with your emotions and its all okay. Let yourself grieve your loss.

You are in a tough place right now--hard to see how things can get better--but they will. Sometimes just writing things out can help you release some of the emotion--write whatever comes to your mind. You dont' have to keep what you write--you can rip it up, throw it away--or keep it if it helps.
Breathe--let yourself know that you will be ok--you can do this.

Renee had a great post.

It's very important to grieve and allow the process to happen. It's a natural human response.

I know when my boyfriend, of 4 years, and I broke up, I had to do a clean break. We couldn't be friends, we couldn't still talk, it had to all end. By doing it that way, I was able to process and deal with the break-up slowly and allow all the emotions to run their course. And trust me, I went through a million different emotions. But by cutting off contact and communication, I was able to deal with it all one day at a time and just let things be. It was so hard because he was my first serious boyfriend, but he was also my best friend. I think the loss of the close friendship was the worst. To be bluntly honest here, it took me about a year to fully get over him and what was. Oh trust me, I listened to all my "cry it out" music, and I did just that. I'd even have nights where I just indulged in fast food and cried listening to the most depressing songs ever. Sounds corny, but it really did help.

The amazing thing is that we can now talk on the phone about our current lives. I think we made contact about 2 years after the break-up, and although strained, we were able to start talking about the direction our lives were going. We only talk on the phone about once every three months or so, but it's nice to hear his voice and it's nice to know he's happy with a wife and 2 beautiful girls.

It seems like just yesterday, but it all ended in 1998. And yet, I still don't want to see him face-to-face.

One thing I've learned is that you must say good-bye to one thing in order to say hello to another. Life will go on. You will go on. You'll have days where life seems to be a-ok. You'll have other days where you lie in bed and wonder what the hell happened and what you could have done to change things (answer is: nothing!). This is all normal, so please don't be so hard on yourself.

I look back on my relationship with a smile and a warm feeling inside. Now I can see the good things and good times, and even more important, I can see where that relationship helped me to become the person I am today. And you'll get there. Most of us have been there and we came out alright.

I feel your pain. I went through something similar on Valentine's Day of 2010. My boyfriend at the time, Andy, and I spent the day together, and then I went to work like normal. Then that night, he called me and broke up with me over the phone! Said he didn't love me and that I shouldn't love him. But that he "still wants to be friends." I couldn't just be friends with him. It hurt to even think about being around him after that. I cut ties with him completely. And then I just cried and stayed miserable for about 3 months. I locked myself in my house except for when I was working or taking my dogs outside. Occasionally, my friends would come over to "cheer me up" even though I didn't want to cheer up. But now, I really appreciate their efforts.

I can't believe how much that breakup effected my entire life. My co-workers told me I had become a zombie at work... I think at that point I started to snap out of it. The threat of losing my job got my attention, and I forced myself to be stronger for work. I was working at a grooming salon with a bunch of other girls, and it was then that my workplace became my very own support group, and they really helped me get over my grieving for Andy, just by being there and letting me vent about it each day.

And then I met someone else, and after a while I made it public that I was finally happy again. Andy saw that I was happy with someone else and tried to come crawling back. But I will never trust him again. Not even as a friend. He hurt me too much and I told him that. It hurts still, thinking about it. So when I read your post, I literally felt your pain. Cry as much as you need to. Get it all out. It really does help. I'm sorry you have to go through this. But it will get better eventually. You'll be in my thoughts.

hun, im sooooo sorry you are going through this it really sucks

The one thing I can say is let yourself get mad, grieve, go outside and scream at trees if you want too...

coming from experience, the worst thing you can do is bottle up your feelings and think about what you could have done differently. Sometimes no matter you could have done differently would have changed the outcome.

coming from the heart, no matter what happens don't let yourself become bitter over it like I did, in the end its not worth it...

(((hugs)))

Just wanted to echo everybody's (((hugs))) here. There are a lot of wise folks who have given you wonderful advice. You're going to be all right, even if it doesn't feel that way for a long time.

((((hugs))))

Just wanted to say thank you for all the advice and thoughts.I tried not to read it yesterday as it was making me sob....well everything does.
Yesterday was better,my friend who stayed left and then another came over.She MADE me talk,and it was good to actually talk.Feel like I got things a bit more clear in my head.
Me and him spoke again,this time without me breaking down.I mainly wanted to try and understand why,what I got from him was that he was confused,and felt like he wanted to tell me it was over so I could move on and have a clear answer.But that inside he is not sure what he wants.To me it sounds like we need some physical space apart, to focus on being ourselves and then maybe we can look constructively at the relationship was,and if we still want it.
I feel more certain now that I need to just be strong and calm and hold up,not wait for him but focus on myself and see how I can feel.
Im still upset jt came to this,I never expected it to be easy to stay with someone who u met so young,but I didnt expect for us to not want to solve things together....no matter how odd the solution.
Its hard,I have rescue remedy and that seems to keep me from sobbing every hour.However I'm on very strong antibiotics so I'm in bed feeling ill ill ill.

Today I'm going for a dog walk with the lady who's dog I walk.Then I think I will go and buy some books and make up and stuff.My mum is home tonight,I think I may have to speak to her as much as I don't want to it might help.
If anyone read all of that.....I praise thee.It feels good to write and write

Hun. Go and buy yourself "He's just not that into you" it helped me dump a massively toxic back and forth relationship and move on. It teaches you so much about self worth and independence.

Oh....sorry that came in to posts,my mobile wouldn't let me write any more charecters.
Question how long will this "not hungry" feeling last.I am worried now,I have No interstate in food and THAT is soooooo not me.I have lost 1/2 a stone.

Is that book made out of questions to the agony aunt guy?
I think I've read it,and watches the film.I should probably be stern and implement that.Right now I don't feel up to that,I feel too emotionally drained.

It is a book written by a man about what men think. You don't have to implement anything. Just read it and let it change how you think. It worked for me.