Parents and kids too........how do you feel about home drug/alcohol screening?

would you like to drug test me?

because I might throw a fit and never EVER forgive you? are you prepared to handle that?

Nope... I get high on life... which is why I'm still up at 12:30

You need to end your post with /end sarcasm

I'm not capable of reading internet sarcasm.... maybe it's all the brain cells I've killed in my lifetime

I've killed brain cells... but only the weak ones

Sorry, late to the party.


By which party's standard of being a 'good' parent? What kid thinks their parents are 'good' when they get disciplined?

I'm living proof of seeing the difference between what I THOUGHT (or learned from a book) how I would feel and how I actually feel having a kid.

I post way too much sarcasm to have to add /on or /off but I will post it once and when I am done posting sarcasm I will end it properly. on my tombstone it will say /sarcasm off (thanks Renee)

/sarcasm on

OK good. that works for me. I can at least still read (haven't killed that many brain cells) I just can't read INTO it

I expect to see this after all serious posts... don't forget or I might forget.

I dunno.... All the books in the world will not prepare you for when it is your child.

As it stands now, I am going to trust Hannah until she gives us a reason to not. My parents did the same with me. It was a "one strike and you are out" kind of world...

And today, I am more grateful for it than I can put into words.


---

Side bar... Dr. Spock was a moron.

Yes, our grown daughter works with troubled kids and kids in trouble. She has thanked us for making it a little more difficult for her to end up in some of the situations she sees now. I vividly remember at the time she did NOT feel that way. In fact I remember the day that she told me she hated me.....a far cry from thanking me!! It did not feel good, and, as a parent you're not absolutely sure that what you're doing is right and that one day they'll understand, but we did what we thought was best for her on that day.

I am glad that the stances we took did not deteriorate our relationship. Believe me, I did think throughout all my children's teen years (and one is still in his teens) that it sure would be easier if I let them do what they wanted to do, be one of the 'cool' parents who didn't mind all the underage kids gathering at our house to drink, etc. But, that's just not us. I still wonder what I could do differently that they would think I was as neat as they did when they were 8, but I'm on teen #3 and haven't figured it out yet.

As for the original question, we have yet to do a drug test on one of ours, but I'm sure there are circumstances where we would, or we would take them to get one. Our 2nd child had to get one as a teen to get a job. He got a job at the same place as child #1, but I don't remember that she had to get a drug test. She was 3 years older, so they may have implemented that later.

If I had a reason to and knew I wasnt going crazy (i.e. talking to my mom and probably cousin before i did it) Then yes I would. Of course I would sit down with them and give them a chance to come clean before I test them.

Then depending on what they say to me and I hate to say it, but WHICH child is telling me . One of ours will lie with no problem if he thinks it will keep him out of trouble he already does do it. Of course he is punished heavily for it after we tried talking about it with him. Then no I would not believe him and I would tell him why. Sadly he is following example we know where it is coming from but we cant do anything to stop that example. Just hopefully one day counter act that example enough.

And if they asked me I would laugh but do it to put their mind at ease and show them I would do it for them. Not that they have any reason to ask me though so yea I would pee freely LOL.

I have to wonder if parents who have smoked some pot and stepped outside the bounds of being The Good Kid in their lifetimes don't have a better perspective -- and more credibility -- than those who were spotless. If they are honest with their kids -- and themselves -- about the consequences, or lack thereof, and why.

It's always appeared that the parents who offered honesty to their kids got more of it in return. There are always exceptions, a kid who is almost pathologically addicted to lying, outside interference from ex spouses, etc.

We have one parent in each category here.

The one who did more probably expects more 'minor' infractions than the other, or, at least, is not shocked by them. I guess perspective changes when you're the parent and feel a great deal of responsibility for your children as opposed to a child/teen/young adult. He does think some of the things that the kids get involved with today have more consequences than he thought in his own heyday about what he was doing. I don't know if that's true or if he just worries as a parent.

I guess he can put himself into their shoes somewhat. He would, of course, like to see his kids not make the poor choices he did, though.

There are worse things today. Shoot, even the pot is stouter! He's got authenticity, though. He can say, "I did this, and these are the reasons I wish I hadn't," or, "I did that, and I should have used better judgment because . . . "

One of the hard parts about being an adolescent is that the parts of your brain that you use to inhibit your own impulsiveness are still relatively undeveloped. When a kid says, "I just didn't think," they really didn't -- most of the time.

^^^ THIS.

My parents were very honest with us as we were growing up. I have a very close relationship with them and I can pretty much tell them anything.

My parents were also very honest about their past and partying. They have no issues about us partying and drinking and even smoking pot if its done responsible.

They also put really no restrictions on us as long as they knew where we were and called them once in a while to let them know what the game plan is.

And I think I turned out pretty good. I never got into the whole drinking and smoking thing. Sure I still go to parties hang out where smoking and drinking is involved, but I hate drinking other than socially drinking with the fam. And smoking pot never tried it or even had a curiosity about it.

My brother on the other hand does like to drink and smoke. Once in a while its not excessive and he is very responsible. I think there is a point where you draw the line.

Ok, paragraph 2, I can agree with. So, knowing that... Paragraph 1. Kid screws up, knows it and owns it....

Do they still deserve punishment of some sort?

That and you don't get up until the crack of noon most days.

Absolutely! Learning that there are consequences to our actions is essential. BUT, I'd have to think that the ideal would be to have the kind of relationship where, at least most of the time, the kid gets to have some input into the discussion of an appropriate punishment, and it's not something arbitrary. I know that's not always possible, but it's a something to shoot for. Realistically, too, there are always going to be certain well-defined lines that they know Action X = Consequences Y, no exceptions.

What worries me is the stuff they are selling as "incense" that kids are smoking. Can be bought legally. It is called either K 7 or K 10 I can't remember exactly. Who knows what is in it. The other over the counter drugs that a teen will look you in the face and say "but it is LEGAL" to justify why they arrived home with no clothes, have no idea how they got there and end up in the er. THat's the dramimine overdose. Lots of worse things to worry about. I watched three teens, the youngest looked to be about 13 get handcuffed and taken away in front of my drive last week. Busted for pot. I thought about their parents and what a toll this will take financially. Is any one really up to that kind of stress and trouble?

I was raised the exact same way. My parents were very honest with the three of us kids growing up. I knew my dad had been drinking since he was 9 years old and my mom (much like me) didn't do anything until she was 19. I could and still can go to my parents with any problem or question I had. Nothing was too politically incorrect or vulgar. Every question I ever asked was answered honestly, and I was never ever guilt tripped about what my questions were.

example: "Why are you asking what beer tastes best? Why do you want to know?! Your a teen alcoholic airn't you?!"

They too had no issues with us partying as long as we were home. I never took them up on that offer as a teen. I had watched my brother and sister cause all kinds of problems (not drug related). And by the time I was a teen my parents were getting divorced and I just thought it was best to cause the least amount of stress possible.

We also had no real restrictions as long as we called. I remember my friends being shocked I didn't have a curfew or was never grounded. But I never gave my mom a reason to do either. I always got home before midnight and never talked back, snuck out, partied, all those things I guess teens get grounded for.

If my mom had ever asked me for a drug test I would have just given it to her. Though knowing her history it would have never happened. I would have been hurt a bit that she didn't trust me though.

Now as an adult I have drank and smoked pot. Cigarettes are disgusting and feel like inhaling black pepper. Alcohol isn't too bad if you don't count having to pee constantly lol and the occasional really pukey hangover. Its honestly rare that I have a drink. Pot......lol im not gonna lie im just gonna say I have felt nor seen no bad effects from smoking it. It was something I thought I never would do though my whole family does. And then I turned 20 and tried it and liked it. All other drugs are a complete and total know. They scare the crap out of me.

I most definately don't think teens though should be drinking, smoking, or doing drugs period. I waited until adulthood and it didn't kill me or my social life to wait.

NUH UH not true lol. only on weekends when you are here to get up with hannah LOL.

She doesn't let me sleep in anymore

smarty pants

we were up at 8:30... like the second you walked out the door. so SHUSH :rofl1:

I agree.
I never drank or tried pot or anything like that until I wasn't under my parents roof. That doesn't make it any more of a 'right' choice, but I did have respect for their expectations and rules. Now AFTER I was on my own? I tried the drinking thing, and I smoked my share of pot in my 20's as well. They know about it, they also know I smoke cigarettes and wish to heaven I had never started, they can see for themselves WHY it's a very stupid thing to do.

On one hand, kids can point to parents and say See? They did it and they turned out fine.........on the other hand, if you are honest with them, TRULY honest (no making up crazy things like "smoke a joint and you will want to jump off a building" type crap) you can explain the risks, legal and health, you can explain what a colossal waste of money and brain cells it was, LOL

We certainly expect our kids to screw up now and then.......we weren't perfect, NOBODY is perfect, so no matter how much we love them, THEY aren't going to be perfect either, LOL

Absolutely! Agree with below

For you not ever having/raising kids Renee, we sure have the same parenting style :rofl1:

There are definitely things in this house where my kids know the rules/punishment up front, no exceptions. Hit your brother, get sent to your room. The end, no debate, and many other things in that area.

There are other things that are gray areas. We discuss, we listen, and we sometimes even ask them what they think a FAIR punishment would be. That doesn't mean we automatically go with their idea (once Zac said he thought it would be fair to go see GI Joe the movie as a fair punishment ROFL) but if they are being reasonable about the suggestion we do take their suggestion and sometimes tweak it a bit or go with it out right.

But we ALWAYS ask them at the end of the 'sentencing' "Do you think that is a fair punishment for what you did?" And if they answer no, we talk some more until they understand our position and we understand theirs. They don't always walk away feeling good about our decision, but as long as they UNDERSTAND it, we're good.

IMO, if they come clean and know they screwed up. There will still be a punishment and we should talk about that punishment and why. but it will be a less harsh more lenient punishment becuase they did eventually tell the truth. BUT... that's a one time deal. Doing something stupid and then telling the truth isn't going to get you off the hook everytime lol. You screw up and do something and you come clean... ok thank you for being honest with me. here is what we are going to do. HOWEVER... NOW you know that was a mistake so IF you make the choice to do this particular act again there will be stiff punishment for it.

Oh, and that's another area here at our house. Screw up and compound it by lying? Ya.......you don't get a say in the punishment, you forfeited your say with the lies.

Screw up and come clean the first time around? Yep, you get off much lighter and have a say in the discussion.

Once you've lied about the subject, I really don't want to hear anything else from you on the matter......thankyouverymuch. My kids know this, so when they choose to lie, they KNOW what they are walking into