Roommate advice/rules

I've given up on getting the other thread on track :rofl1: so, any advice for living with a roomie?

Right now we have been toying around with.."Rules" (but I am blanking on good rules to have/add)
*label food that is yours
*visitors/guests are only there if you are. Inform roomie if guests are coming
* No music/loudness after 10PM on weekdays
* No overnight guests more than 2 nights per week
* Dishes cleaned after you eat/don't sit in the sink
* He takes out garbage/cleans bathroom.. I clean kitchen/do floors. We both tidy up common area.
* No sexy times in the common area (duh) lol similarly, be decent in common areas when it comes to clothing choices (or lack there of)
* I go shopping and we split expenses on house common items (cleaning, toilet paper, paper towels, swiffer pads, garbage bags etc...)
* Weekly roomie meeting on tuesdays
* No smoking inside (we don't smoke but it seemed like a decent thing to add)
* Books or DVDs can be borrowed but only with permission, don't dog ear my books.
* Door is locked when you step out
* Let other roomie know if you are going to be gone so I don't think you have died
* No shoes on in the house
* No entering bedrooms without permission
* No food left uncovered on counters, tables, bedrooms etc.. including crumbs. (I have a paranoid fear of rodents/bugs..)
* Your daily shower time is ____, mine is _____.
* No illegal stuff in the apartment
* Rent is paid on the ____ of the month. Utilities are split evenly and paid on the ____.

Any ideas for rules regarding Merlin? His crate will be in my room of course, and he comes to work most days. Bob really likes him and is great with him but I figured perhaps having a few rules about him is a good idea..
I was thinking "Merlin is 100% my responsibility and is to be crated when I'm not around. If you'd like you can take him out of his crate only if you can watch him and walk him once you learn his training rules.
or any other rule ideas?

Those with roomies, how do you deal with sharing a bathroom? cooking? shared items? chores?
any other general advice?

I think having too many rules might actually be a bad idea. In my last roommate situation, it was a blanket "be courteous". Of course you'll need some ground rules, but to put in the rules what time you are allowed to take a shower, etc. I think those are things you will work out after figuring out what your schedules are.

I have never started out with any roomie "rules." The first time, when I had an actual roommate, it worked out great. This time, with an apartment-mate - well, you've heard my complaints.

The first basic thing is just to be respectful. Your space is yours, his space will be his and the common area is just that - common. I'm NOT a neat freak by any means. My current roomie is. So my room often looks like a tornado hit it, but I do make an effort to keep the common area neat. Don't throw a wild party without letting your roomie know. Do your share of cleaning. If you have a legitimate roommate, don't play music/start up the hair dryer in the bedroom while they're sleeping. Don't pig out on their food. Do interact and be pleasant. Again, with the legit roomie - don't skype in the bedroom while they're asleep. You know, common sense things... those common sense things suited my roommate and I just fine freshman year.


And then I moved in with roomzilla.

With roommate 1, just being courteous was more than enough to have us get along and become wonderful friends. With roommate 2, some ground rules might have been in order. Here are the things that we've had major disagreements on (AKA she has had huge issues with me).

1) thermostat
2) friends visiting (not parties, just a handful of friends)
3) boyfriend visiting (overnight and just in general)
4) cleaning up kitchen (don't even get me started on this one... she claims I was leaving "crumbs..." yeah right.)
5) borrowing her dishes/using any dishes when I'm sick
6)leaving clutter in the living room for a full 20 hours eek

I'd just consider your own personality and your roommate's... "ground rules" with my first roommate would've been silly. We were both reasonable, chill people who were conscientious, but recognized that the other was still human. With the second, maybe it should've been done before she decided to create a manifesto about everything that I do wrong.

We never had rules except pat your bills and if you eat someone's food replace it.

If we has guests over late we were respectful.

We all cleaned as needed, it was just understood.

Just throwing it out there that if things aren't totally lined out they will probably still work out.

The only things I've really had rules about were food and chores.

Honestly, for me personally the amount of micromanaging on that list would rub me the wrong way. Weekly meetings, telling you when I'm gone, how often I can have overnight guests... specifying a lot of details like those or stuff like shower times I don't think are necessary for reasonable adults unless they really, really bother you or they become an issue (eg I'm always late because you're in the shower when I get up) and then you can always just talk about it.

Having said that, you and he aren't me and if you both want all those details spelled out then I think you've about covered it. I think the most important thing is that you're on the same page about things rather than what your specific rules are.

Oh and dogs have been "don't bother them unless needed". My roommate would walk Arnold sometimes, only one whom I trusted to handle him. They often let out fosters for play time. They were never allowed to handle the Malinois but we kept them under lock and key to prevent any temptations.

We made the list together, lol just wanted to be clear that it's not me just sprouting out these grand lists of micromanaged laws for the apartment :rofl1: while we do agree on a lot things it seemed clearer to have it all in writing just as a general thing.
We just kind of threw ideas off each other and this is what we both agreed on.

The shower thing was really because we both have work/school around the same time. We share a bathroom, figured it would be easier to have times. I'm later because I walk merlin and juice in the morning before showering, him earlier because it's the first thing he does. I don't care what time he showers otherwise :rofl1:

Personally it was easier for me to write this and work with him and compromise here than it would've been for me to wait and have to bring it up to him about something he is doing. Although no doubt there will still be those issues but having the rules and the process of writing them has really helped get the discussion open about what we do/do not want.

I just would rather these things not go unsaid/unspoken of until there is an issue and resentment starts to build up :rofl1: although i'm not too worried, we are pretty big at calling eachother out and speaking honestly.

Oh and roommate might be the wrong word :rofl1: we aren't sharing a room. For the record. Separate bedrooms. Shared common spaces/bathroom.

You're a planner, I remember your threads pre merlin. lol Do what makes you feel most comfortable, you and your lists may one day take over the world.

Oh and pretty sure we found a place today
It's a brownstone with a roofdeck!!! I'M SO EXCITED!!!!
1250ft²!!!! I LIVE IN 280 NOW! SO MUCH SPACE!!

There is still much to do and we have to wait until it passes inspection and we hear from the realtor and landlord about a few things but I'm excited!

My agenda may one day take over the world :rofl1: literally.

I still have Merlin's lists somewhere.. lol oh the best laid plans :rofl1: then he got home and I was like "I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IM DOING I AM PREPARED FOR NOTHING!!!!!!!"
and now he runs wild.

I suspect the living situation will be much the same lol I mean, less insane, and less poop hopefully but there will be some adjustment.

I'm also a list maker. I hope you and your lists take over the world so I can tell my SO, I told you so

Anyway, if it were me, I would request that he not touch Merlin. That way if he wants to text you/call you and ask, you will know where he is going/what he is doing. Jason does not even take my dogs places/do things with them without asking me and we are engaged. I have had good friends do stupid things with my dogs because they did them with theirs and didn't know it bothered me.

Are you buying or renting?

Like I said, it's more important that the two of you are on the same page than what the specific rules are. So go list nuts.


As for dogs, I've only had dogs and a roommate together once and she was very dog savvy so we trusted each other to walk or have the dogs hang out in the house with each other. Feeding, grooming, training etc though were all actual owner responsibility, though.

One can only hope... hahahah

Our roommates don't interact with our dogs unless we're home too. The dogs are either with us or locked up. (That doesn't mean our roommate doesn't see them; she's constantly giving them snacks, lol, just that she doesn't take them out when we aren't home, and doesn't take them for walks or anything.)

Your list looks reasonable to me; we have a similarly long list, and I've found it really helpful, because it gives people specific things to mention when they first begin to become irritated, so they don't wait until they're furious.

I think texting/calling to ask is a good idea as well. I mean, he is GREAT with Merlin and Merlin adores him but he isn't "dog savvy" by any means.

Renting! Lol oh lord. The idea of buying anything sounds so adult!

I've never had specifically laid out rules with a roommate. With roommate #1, this worked perfectly fine because we were both sane, rational, respectful people. With the first foster dog I had, my roommate did not take him out of the apartment - he did let him out of his crate to chill if he was home. With the second dog, he took for walks pretty much whenever he wanted - but she wasn't really being trained and there was little chance of him screwing her up. With Merlin being a SDIT I'd probably at least request he doesn't talk him on walks, if not that he keeps him in the crate.

The problem with my second roommate....I guess we sort of were generally clear on a cleaning schedule, but if your roommate doesn't know HOW to clean, it's not going to matter much. This guy would like...do his dishes and mop the floor (if I was lucky) but that didn't really matter if you don't comprehend that if you spill pasta sauce all down the front of the stove and cabinets, YOU WIPE THAT UP. (I'm still a little bitter if you can't tell). And I had those disposable clorox wand toilet cleaning pads, right? Suddenly my entire bathroom floor is getting all weird and blue and sticky, because my roommate was using them to clean the toilet and then putting the used toilet wand pads BACK into the container WET with the new ones.


Another thing if you make rules as strict as the ones on your list - what happens if one of you has a guest from out of town? Who wants to stay more than 2 nights? Or is visiting and wants to stay at the apartment while you go to class? What happens if you need to take a shower at a different time? This is a little easier as you know each other and know how much of a stickler for the rules you'll each be, but you might want to discuss flexibility on the rules before you start laying them down.

Also, get a general number of what you expect to spend on cleaning supplies each month. A friend moved in with 2 other roommates, and one of them was a serious germaphobe with OCD. Which meant she'd spend close to $200 of her parent's money on disinfectants, bleaches, etc. each month. Then she'd expect the other two to split the cost with her. After a while they had to specify what they thought was necessary to keep the apartment clean and everything extra she'd need to pay for...and she was NOT happy.

Make sure boundaries are set beforehand. Hardcore ones.


Oh, and always pay rent with a check. Seriously. DO NOT give or take cash. Having some way to prove what you paid and when is important, as it does not give anyone room to say you never paid it or you never lived there. Print a rental contract, too. Currently I'm doing money transfers, which works fine.

I'm living with someone now who is really chill about everything - and she knows that I'm not. We both went over things that bother us and how we do things around the house and general boundaries. I'm okay with her handling my dog and vice versa, but we are okay with one another's training methods. I would not let a non dog savvy roommate or friend handle Merlin.

I had some nightmare "roommates" in the sense that it is my house and I didn't need the money but was renting out a room as a favor. This ended up costing me over $5,000 in damages to my house. So my first advice would be, never room with family

That said, my best-friend turned girlfriend turned ex... lived with me for a long time (several years). She knew I was extremely OCD about cleanliness, so she was prepared for that before moving in. We got along fantastically (obviously, since she became my GF).

I had to learn to compromise on some things. Regardless of what ground rules are laid out, people are people. Even those with the best intentions will typically fall back to their old habits.

So talking to this person's past roommates would be a good idea, to see if there were issues. Or if you've ever visited their current residence, take a good look around for anything that might annoy you. Regardless of what rules you lay down, it's almost an inevitability that the person will go back to those habits.

My ex had some rather annoying habits that required me to clean up after her a bit. She meant well but some people just don't "think" while they make a mess. It's something that's done absentmindedly. I.e. taking socks off in the family room and leaving it there when you leave. Taking things out but not putting it back where you found it.

So I ended up having to compromise and put up with fixing that. Overall she was a lot better to have around than not having around, despite the extra work. So keep an eye on that, if you feel it's going out of balance, do something about it before it gets to the point you both despise each other

Just be prepared for a somewhat drastic change in personality/habits 4 months after you move in, it's normal.

Well I don't know if I will be much help since the only "roommate" like situation I have had has been the romantic kind xD.

I would say the "designated shower schedule" might be a bit much, I would just ask him when he prefers to shower & whoever takes the longest (if hot water is an issue) goes last (which in a roommate situation is usually me xD).

But ESP with a guy you want to keep it simple, if you make a mess in the kitchen/common areas, clean it up. You are responsible for the dishes you dirty & I would suggest maybe each of you buying your own food so you don't have to label everything.

Also, there is always the issue of sorting out who is gets to watch what & when on the TV, so I always had my own in my bedroom so I could watch whatever I wanted