I feel guilty......

This is more a vent then anything.....

But I feel guilty about Beau and Outlaw. I'm starting to think that Outlaw is my heart dog and I feel so horrible about because I've always said Beau was. Beau was with me for 10.5 years and he was with me through everything, dark times and good times. He stood by my side and took my darkest secrets to the grave with him and I miss him dearly, but Outlaw has wormed his way into m heart in ways I've never even imagined.

He literally goes EVERYWHERE with me and if we are seperated it's because I'm working and I have panic attacks being away from him. I become a nervous wreck when seperated from him and he's always by my side. He's become my SDiT for my anxiety and depression and has made me living my life easy again. I've done things with him I've always dreamed of doing with a dog and he is my first introduction to the world of sport dogs and trick training. I'm starting to feel like he's my heart dog and I feel horrible for it.

I feel like I'm betraying Beau in away and it's probably something stupid to think about, but is it normal to feel this way?

Nothing/No one says you can't have multiple heart dogs.

Your relationship with each pet will feel different, but different doesn't necessarily mean better or worse.

Beau knew how much you loved him, and that will never change.

^ that.

My first dog growing up, Blackie, was my best boy. He was my bubby. I wouldn't be where I am today without how he helped shape my childhood. I grew up with him, shared my life with him for 14 years. Couldn't have asked for a better companion, and I bawl when I watch Marley and Me because of him. "Of course he's there, he's always there." Water works.

Abrams has settled right in beside him in my heart. In no way is he taking Blackie's place, or diminishing the relationship we had. Blackie would be happy to know I had another dog to take his place. (Actually, he'd hate Abrams' guts, because large male dogs were not his friend, and if he saw another large male dog near me, he'd probably whoop his butt. LOL) Abrams and Blackie are two totally different dogs, and I can certainly love the both of them in their own way, even if they're both my heart.

They both are/were in their own way.

Dogs are individuals and I think it is very lucky to be able to have more than one heart dog. I think it is very normal to fret about whether you care for one more than the other.

My girls are very different in personality and bond with me. I am very, very close to both of them. I always say things about how Lily and I do not do well apart, etc., but maybe that is because I lack the words to express the bond that Scout and I share. That doesn't mean either is less or more, just different.

Sometimes I am very frustrated that life with Scout limits us in certain ways, like the not being able to leave her alone for her SA or the being nervous about things and having made the decision not to stress her out like that even if she's a very safe, kind girl. The times like today when she was boinging along all happy about the snow on our solo walk with a big grin or the times that she slides right into a gorgeous fuss for me with a grin... those are the times that remind me why it is important to make room for things that aren't always perfect.

I'm so happy you got such an awesome pup!

I wouldn't worry about it. I personally don't think it would be fair to Caleb if you withheld love from him just because you felt like you were replacing Beau. It is ok to have more than one heart dog just like it is ok to have more than one best friend. I'm sure you will always love Beau, but it is ok to move on after a while. Each dog is different, and each dog holds a special place in his owners heart. Love the dogs that are with you now, and always remember and keep in your heart the ones that have passed.

Hearts aren't a zero-sum game. Unless you're the Grinch, there's plenty to go around.

Buzz was without a doubt my heart dog. No questions.

Gabby is also my heart dog.

It's okay. I felt guilty too.

I have gone through this exact same thing.

My dog growing up, Lucky, was so extremely important to me. He got me through some bad times and I really relied on him. If he hadn't been around, I might not be here, at least not in the capacity that I am now. I absolutely called him my heart dog. I still think he was. I got him when I was 5 and he died when I was 19. That dog was with me through all the **** I've suffered in life, we grew up together, he was my protector.

Then I got Rowan, and Rowan just fit with me in a way that Lucky never did. Lucky was a dog my parents chose for me. There were things about him that weren't perfect for me. Rowan is perfect for me. He is a heart dog. He is everything that I want in a dog. For the longest time I felt guilty, felt like I was betraying Lucky, and honestly in some ways I still feel like that. But I've come to realize and accept that my relationship with Rowan has no impact on the relationship that I had with Lucky. Both dogs have been so, so important to me. I can't put it into words. Rowan is a better match for me, but that doesn't change the fact that I needed Lucky, and that he did so much for me, and that we had such a special bond, even if it's different than the one that I have with Rowan.

I think it's totally normal to feel that way. It doesn't make it any easier to come to terms with or let that guilt go, but you're not the only one.