Hypothetical question about living at home
- Thread starter CaliTerp07
- Start date
I can't see many parents WANTING their adult kids living at home with them. Sounds like the parents let them live there cheap so they could save up and get their own place and if it were one of my kids, I'd be a little put off that they were spending the money on a vacation instead of putting it toward the goal of getting their own place.
Most of my friends have have young adult kids and there isn't one of us that would prefer our kids stay dependant on us and live in our homes, the ones that do have kids living at home out of necessity are looking forward to the day when the kids can get their own place. My son is on his own, but my 22 year old daughter is living at home while she pays her school bills. I would never let her boyfriend move in with us and as much as I love my daughter I will happy when she moves out, preferably next door, ha ha.
We seem to live in an entitled society. I actually have heard people say that they think grandparents should be their daycare for their grandchildren, like it is expected when grandma retires that she should now watch her grandchildren while the parents work. If thats what grandma wants, fine, but I also don't know many people that would prefer that. They might prefer that to the kid going to daycare, but I can guarantee that grandma would rather see the kid for visits than have them 5 days a week like another job. Once again she is tied down.
As a mother, we love our kids, but we also want to see them making it on their own. Even though you think you are no problem, it is hard living under a roof with another adult, add in a spouse and kids and it's even harder. If my son were to come back home with his wife and daughter, I would not be thrilled. I would feel bad for him that he even had to, but I would mourn my loss of privacy. I would never ever put them out on the street, and I would make them feel welcome, but my ultimate goal would be for them to get it together and move out again.
Most of my friends have have young adult kids and there isn't one of us that would prefer our kids stay dependant on us and live in our homes, the ones that do have kids living at home out of necessity are looking forward to the day when the kids can get their own place. My son is on his own, but my 22 year old daughter is living at home while she pays her school bills. I would never let her boyfriend move in with us and as much as I love my daughter I will happy when she moves out, preferably next door, ha ha.
We seem to live in an entitled society. I actually have heard people say that they think grandparents should be their daycare for their grandchildren, like it is expected when grandma retires that she should now watch her grandchildren while the parents work. If thats what grandma wants, fine, but I also don't know many people that would prefer that. They might prefer that to the kid going to daycare, but I can guarantee that grandma would rather see the kid for visits than have them 5 days a week like another job. Once again she is tied down.
As a mother, we love our kids, but we also want to see them making it on their own. Even though you think you are no problem, it is hard living under a roof with another adult, add in a spouse and kids and it's even harder. If my son were to come back home with his wife and daughter, I would not be thrilled. I would feel bad for him that he even had to, but I would mourn my loss of privacy. I would never ever put them out on the street, and I would make them feel welcome, but my ultimate goal would be for them to get it together and move out again.
Oh my goodness, I know people like the bolded part. Grandma has the kids 5 days a week. If husband goes out of town, mom sends the kids to grandmas overnight because she "just can't handle the kids by herself". WTF? why did you have kids then? The kids are with Grandma more than they are in their own home and the effects are starting to show. the younger one cries whenever he has to go "home" because it's not really home. sure all his stuff is there but he's not there much. now of course this is partially grandmas fault too as she just won't say no but I get where she is coming from. she doesn't say no because she feels like she is the only stability in the kids lives and if she says no to the parents, the kids might feel lke she doesn't want them or love them.
Basically, she retired and became almost a full time parent again.
Basically, she retired and became almost a full time parent again.
Pretty much this (only I've been out of my parent's house for 8 years).
And I would hazard a guess that the main reason for not going to court when a kid breaks a contract is because of what Cali said - they're worried they'd have no relationship with the kid afterward. My SIL lives in a townhouse that my MIL bought. She pays about half of what she should in rent. They have a contract in place but my MIL would never ever take her to court over it because she's afraid SIL would take her kid and move in with her incredibly sleazy boyfriend and they'd never get to see him.
And my SIL is mind bogglingly ungrateful. She owes her parents thousands of dollars (from her divorce and from being bailed out of jail/lawyer fees), lives in their townhouse for cheap, accepts money to go to school for the third time, and yet acts like her parents owe her everything. Admittedly, part of that is on her parents. If they'd stop bailing her out maybe she'd figure her life out.
And I would hazard a guess that the main reason for not going to court when a kid breaks a contract is because of what Cali said - they're worried they'd have no relationship with the kid afterward. My SIL lives in a townhouse that my MIL bought. She pays about half of what she should in rent. They have a contract in place but my MIL would never ever take her to court over it because she's afraid SIL would take her kid and move in with her incredibly sleazy boyfriend and they'd never get to see him.
And my SIL is mind bogglingly ungrateful. She owes her parents thousands of dollars (from her divorce and from being bailed out of jail/lawyer fees), lives in their townhouse for cheap, accepts money to go to school for the third time, and yet acts like her parents owe her everything. Admittedly, part of that is on her parents. If they'd stop bailing her out maybe she'd figure her life out.
This! Basically my situation too.
I think in my case what makes a difference too is that both of my parents have young children still (my dad and stepmom have a 9 year old, mom and stepdad have a 5 year old) so it's not like they're not getting a chance to ever be alone, or do their own things, etc... so it really doesn't make a difference to have me there, lol. If anything, they're both unhappy in their marriages, and often beg me to be there. lol. My moms always like "oh man, you're going to your dads for the weekend?!" hahah. I almost feel guilty thinking about moving out.
So I think it's just highly dependent on the parents, the 'adult children', etc. I don't expect anything from my parents, but they do enjoy helping me out, and I am dependent on them. I don't know how I'd survive if I was having to work full time to support myself, buy/rent a house, groceries, bills, car payments, etc. and go to school. I am so respectful of those who do it, because I can't imagine and I am so thankful I have the kind of parents that I do. With that said, I am 22 and single. I think if I were married, they maybe wouldn't be so willing to support me. Not that they wouldn't help, but just... I think if you are old enough to get married, you should be old enough to at least somewhat support yourself.
I often spend my own earned money on silly things that I probably shouldn't... but I don't really feel guilty about it. My parents don't care either. The money that I'm making now is so small, I wouldn't really have much to live on if I was constantly putting a lot away to save. I do pay for my cell phone, half of my car insurance, groceries, and I pay for a lot of my schooling with some help. I'm just kind of waiting until I graduate and hoping I find a decent job that will allow me to move out. My dad has told me he will certainly help me when the time comes to look for a place of my own, especially initially.
I think in my case what makes a difference too is that both of my parents have young children still (my dad and stepmom have a 9 year old, mom and stepdad have a 5 year old) so it's not like they're not getting a chance to ever be alone, or do their own things, etc... so it really doesn't make a difference to have me there, lol. If anything, they're both unhappy in their marriages, and often beg me to be there. lol. My moms always like "oh man, you're going to your dads for the weekend?!" hahah. I almost feel guilty thinking about moving out.
So I think it's just highly dependent on the parents, the 'adult children', etc. I don't expect anything from my parents, but they do enjoy helping me out, and I am dependent on them. I don't know how I'd survive if I was having to work full time to support myself, buy/rent a house, groceries, bills, car payments, etc. and go to school. I am so respectful of those who do it, because I can't imagine and I am so thankful I have the kind of parents that I do. With that said, I am 22 and single. I think if I were married, they maybe wouldn't be so willing to support me. Not that they wouldn't help, but just... I think if you are old enough to get married, you should be old enough to at least somewhat support yourself.
I often spend my own earned money on silly things that I probably shouldn't... but I don't really feel guilty about it. My parents don't care either. The money that I'm making now is so small, I wouldn't really have much to live on if I was constantly putting a lot away to save. I do pay for my cell phone, half of my car insurance, groceries, and I pay for a lot of my schooling with some help. I'm just kind of waiting until I graduate and hoping I find a decent job that will allow me to move out. My dad has told me he will certainly help me when the time comes to look for a place of my own, especially initially.
