The Chaos that has became my life

[Romy]

Here is a pic of Kat being all muddy. She wanted to go back to her roots and try out the CO look.



She haunts the door, trying to find a way out to get to Stephy. Usually I have her dragging a leash in case she tries to door dart.

[-bogart-]

Steph. Keep on keeping on and the rest of you. I applaud you and really am in awe. I wish all the best to you all. And steph , I pray your dad is ok.

[Renee750il]

She's rockin' the CO look, lol. Hopefully Stephy will get a chance to check online after she's discharged and see it

[Dogdragoness]

It's really nice of you to keep her dogs for her , that's great I hope I have friends that would do that for me.

[noludoru]

Originally Posted by StephyMei1112

The call made from home was to the police, not for an ambulance, and it was meant to protect us more from the b*tch bailiffs than from myself - the suicide part wasn't even mentioned till abit later into the call in fact. My time here has been an aggravation, annoyance, hindrance and has done more to aggravate the issue than it has to help it and myself.

If your biggest complaints are about the nurses being incompetent, lack of internet, and the food you are being fed, I would say you are lucky. Losing the possibility of seeing the sky again because a judge thinks you should become a ward of the state or getting raped when you're drugged and helpless is far worse. I do not want or intend to belittle your experience, but I would like to put it into some perspective.

The most important thing I have to say here is that regardless of your feelings or thoughts on suicide before now, you are at more risk for suicide than you ever were before hospitalization.

Sources: http://apt.rcpsych.org/content/10/6/434.full
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15809410
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/8101307
http://www.jad-journal.com/article/S...353-4/abstract
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn...011201326.html

It goes on. And on.

You need a support group, you need a good therapist that you click with, and you need Kat. You may need to be open to the possibility of medication; or trying new ones if the current ones are not working.

Being in the psych ward is awful, but it will most likely get worse from here. You have the support of everyone who posted in this thread (and I'm sure that of plenty that didn't!). Take it. Call someone when you need them, even if it's at 2am. Don't be afraid to ask for help; you'll be surprised at the number of people who want to.

[StephyMei1112]

Indeed I know for sure that I haven't had it a fraction as bad as others may have experienced but on a very individual/personal level of experience and judgement - it was quite harrowing.

I told my dr about the house and what happened with Emiley a couple months ago and that I had been feeling very suicidal most of this year. Her response: "why haven't you done it yet?"

.........

I've been out in touch with a support group called "SAFER"

http://www.hopevancouver.com/Suicide.html

Hopefully the counsellors there are of a better understanding and help.

Honestly right now....

I need a safe, affordable place to be.
I need financial help.
I need a pause from all of this incessant trouble.
I need to know that my dog is ok - I won't take her back until my situation is very stable.
I need to see my dad - I think he either hid out in the attic of the house then escaped after the fracas boiled over or he dashed out through a door on the other side of the house (most of the action was happening in the backyard).

All else won't help in the interim. Therapy won't do me any good if I'm on the street....

[Renee750il]

You're doing a good job of keeping part of this on a rational level, and I know that's difficult and it's something that many people cannot do. That takes strength and an ability to step outside yourself and see the situation from an objective perspective.

For what it's worth, your list makes good sense to me. You're seeking out aid and making plans but remaining flexible, and at the very least Kat's safe and taken care of -- with affection -- so that's one worry you can cross off your list

BTW, Kat's beautiful and she has a beautiful soul looking out through those eyes.

[Doberluv]

Kat looks wonderful, mud and all. That is definitely one worry you can let go. She's in good hands. I've been so busy, haven't spent much time here. But I want to reiterate that you have a lot of people who care about you Steph. I have a feeling that your Dad will surface at some point when he thinks it's safe. The pieces will slowly start coming together again for you. Do not give up ever. Be strong like you have been and seek help before you get to that lowest point of despair. The sun will shine upon you again dear. When the tide goes out, it always comes back in. (((hugs)))