Crime Doesn't Pay

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#1
Okay, this one's been around, but I still think it's hysterical.

The burglar knew he had a good night ahead of him. He'd checked out the house, the owners were away on vacation for two weeks, no alarm system, easy access, neighbors asleep early and a house full of electronic goodies, guns and jewelry.

As he busied himself opening the gun safe, he heard a noise. He jumped when a voice came out of the darkness:

"Jesus is watching you."

He shook his head, shined the flashlight where he knew the doorway was, and, seeing nothing, decided he shouldn't have had that last beer.

Back to the safe.

"Jesus is watching you."

At that point, he decided he must have heard something, but still didn't see anyone lurking in the room. He thought it might be a good idea to start loading up some of the small electronics, so just in case he had to leave quickly the night wouldn't be a total waste. He really shouldn't have had those last two beers.

"Jesus is watching you."

The burglar REALLY wished he hadn't had those last two beers and the rest of that joint before he started "work." His nerve broke, and he called out, "Who said that?"

"I did. Jesus is watching you."

He followed the voice and shined his light on the spot, revealing a large black mynah bird. "What are you?" he croaked at the bird, instantly feeling foolish for talking to it.

"I'm Moses."

"What kind of people name a bird Moses?" He really was going to have to lay off the booze.

"The same people who named their Pit Bull Jesus."
 
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#2
It does change, doesn't it? Maybe I should've changed it to a Fila this time! (g)

I'll never forget something that happened one day while I was working for a bonding company in Knoxville. Our chase team came in and the younger guy was limping real funny and when he sat down, he was careful to only put one cheek on the chair. Bobby, the lead chase man, was laughing so hard he couldn't talk. It turned out that they'd found a runner at an old mobile home out in the woods. Nathan wanted to be the hero, so he volunteered to go in the front door while Bobby went around and guarded the back. Turns out there were 14 Pit Bulls in the trailer. The one that caused the problem, though, was the one hiding under the front deck. When Nathan backed out of the trailer, in a BIG hurry, he didn't noticed the nice little dog standing behind him. She got him hard. Full set of teeth marks, deep tissue bruising and lots of blood. They brought their runner in, though. No one blamed the dogs; they were doing their jobs. Man, we all hurt ourselves laughing, though! Six months later Nathan was still telling the story on himself and laughing about it. He learned to carry dog biscuits with him in the truck, too!
 

scob89

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#4
That guy is going to be VERY VERY sorry when u know what is going to happen.
 

Barb04

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#6
ROFLMAO!!!!! Great joke and I didn't have a clue what the last line was going to be.
 

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