The Venting Thread

I'm in a roommate situation, BF and I live upstairs in the "attic" (that's been furnished for an office or extra bedroom space) and the others live downstairs on opposite ends of the house. Like most larger houses in this area, there's two AC units to cool the house. One is for our upstairs room alone.

And it isn't working.

It's not like, oh, it gets a little hot but it's okay. No. It's an ATTIC. IT IS FRIGGIN HOT PEOPLE. It's been 30 minutes and already at 90. PLUS HUMIDITY. AND ALL THE ELECTRONICS IN THIS ROOM.

It went from cold to super hot so quick there is CONDENSATION ON THE MIRROR. AND MY CAMERA.

MY CAMERA.

Of course you don't. When it's not you it's pretty easy to not see people implying you don't know yourself enough to be able to tell when somebody is not the right match. Implying clearly you just don't have "dating skills" or "self-confidence." Implying that the clear solution here is to JUST DATE!!

The next time I mention being depressed perhaps somebody will say "but why don't you just BE HAPPY?" OF COURSE. IT'S SO SIMPLE. I MUST BE THE DUMBEST PERSON IN THE WORLD TO NOT THINK OF THAT.

For the record I have had many boyfriends and let's just talk about my adult life. Three were what I would call "serious" as in I would have married them, and a fourth was far more serious about me than I was about him (as it happens that is why we broke up.) I can get a date just by walking through the supermarket and smiling at a cute guy. And if you think I lack self-confidence read that last sentence again.

Clearly it's impossible that I DON'T WANT "A DATE." That I do not want to just go on dates "just for fun" anymore. That I've DONE that. That I'm DONE with that. That I want to find the love of my life and get MARRIED. And dating somebody who lacks one of the biggest, most important parts of my life - a strong faith and connection to his religion - is NOT going to lead to marriage. I realize that for people who do not have a strong faith and live their lives according to that faith that this doesn't seem like a big deal. As hard as this might be since there must be assumptions that I'm a total idiot going around, you will just have to take my word for it that IT IS A BIG DEAL.


Never mind that the conundrum I posted about had NOTHING to do with what I'm looking for in my dating life, and was simply that to reply to a guy ON A DATING SITE might be leading him on, a problem I have talked to my co-worker who met his fiancee online about in the past - it's disheartening for a guy to put the time into drafting up an e-mail to a girl and to just simply hear nothing back which is what happens 99% of the time. But is it fair to respond back when he's going to take that as a signal that now there's a possibility I'm interested when I'm not? My co-worker has always told me no. I should have just listened to him. Better to appear to be a heartless bitch upfront and not respond than to appear to give a guy a green light when you're not really interested and BE a heartless bitch.


Let me reiterate I AM NOT LOOKING FOR DATING ADVICE FROM A BUNCH OF COMPLETE STRANGERS ON A DOG FORUM. BUT THANKS FOR PLAYING. HERE'S A SINGLE BIRTHDAY CANDLE AS YOUR BOOBY PRIZE.

A coworker at work today was complaining to me about how much she missed her boyfriend, because he was out of town yesterday and last night. How she just felt "unsettled" because she missed him, it was really weird not having him around, and how much she was looking forward to seeing him tonight.

Does that make me a bad person if I wanted to scream at her to just shut up, and that one day is nothing?

I read no condescending tones in anyone's posts, it just read like a bunch of people ... Trying to help. :/

@Blackrose not that a day is a lot ... But I kind of know how she is feeling, my OH left Thursday, he's going to be gone for 3 months

((((hugs)))) Beanie. I understand. Been there, done that. Had those moments.

My favorite verse in the whole wide world is Philippians 4:6. "Do not worry about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."
The rest of the section isn't too shabby, either.
"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you."

And something I am currently trying to do, Matthew 6:34: "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
That entire chapter isn't too shabby, either.

Don't know if those will help you...but they definitely have helped me, and still are. I have them printed out by my bed and I read them as a reminder when I'm having problems.

Does not make you a bad person.

And as someone who also is dating someone who is in the military.. it's a feeling you should get used to but ALSO maybe learn to see a different way or it will eat you up/make you want to kill people.
Yea, to us it may seem like an outrage, an insulting awful thing to say spoken from a spoiled brat who doesn't know what it's like to go MONTHS, without seeing the person they love, without phone calls or email even.

But your relationship being hard, doesn't mean to her, hers isn't hard too.
(I think of it like the kid in africa symdrom.. sadness/longing is not a competition. "Oh I just lost my job, I'm so sad" "WELL AT LEAST YOU AREN'T A STARVING KID IN AFRICA!" ) people having it worse doesn't mean you doesn't deserve to feel the way you feel or that your feelings aren't valid.

It used to grate on my nerves. It really did. But I noticed that they can't help how they feel.. and even when my boyfriend is HOME, don't I miss him when he's gone for an hour? a day? lol even though I know better..

How I've learned to deal with it is..
"UGH I MISS MY BF SO MUCH HE'S BEEN GONE ALL WEEKEND"
"Would you like some advice? I know missing the person you love is hard, my boyfriend is deployed and the secret is to stay busy.. do you have a hobby? lots of girl friends?"

Usually...
A. They feel better because it puts its in perspective/they get advice
and B. It reminds them to maybe not voice their 48 hour longing in front of me

It's hard to accept and deal with (because it hurts to hear and the want to scream YOU DONT KNOW WHAT MISSING A PERSON IS is strong) but people miss the ones they love, no matter how long they'e been gone, it's how they feel.

They aren't used to the idea as much as we are and in a way.. I guess we are more "used to it' and in many ways, it is more taxing for people who have no even had to think about what's it like to spend a night away from their S/O. To them, it's unheard of. To us.. it's kind of part of the deal.

It also helps to think of the PERKS we have that she (as a person in a regular relationship) does not...
- Dead bedrooms (nothing revs up the sex drive like distance)
- Independence (Clingy? Not anymore! This life makes two people who are totally independent of each other and capable of living without one another)
- Frequent flyer miles (oh the joys of travel!)
- Cute uniforms
- Letters/care packages (I mean, who but us actually writes hand written mail? lol)
- the importance of words/conversation. When communication isn't an "always"/given.. words are precious. Nobody gets that more than people who don't get to speak when they want and get 5 minutes when they do. You learn that words are precious and to THINK before you speak.
- Big girl panties. When things in life go wrong.. you can't call your boyfriend to fix it. You've gotta put your big girl panties on and deal.. alone. Like superwoman.
- Homebody syndrome is no more. I don't get attached to places anymore, my apartment is a place where my **** is. Home is where he is.
- Hobbies, focus on school/work: forget the distractions of a constant live in boyfriend! More room for activities! My grades have never been better.
- You know the person you are going through all this for, is the person you are meant to be with. No question. Nobody goes through all this because of sex or some other vapid reason... nothing tests true love like this situation. Which I think is pretty amazing.

WARNING: You have every right to punch people in the throat who do/say the following
- Ya but you knew what it was going to be like when you starting dating him..
- Ya but you wouldn't understand, I'm not in it for the money
- *continues to complain about his weekends away and how much she misses him and how great it's going to be to see him in your presence*
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE ISN'T COMING HOME FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY??
- Oh god I don't know how you'd do it, I'd kill myself
- How do you NOT sleep around? I heard a lot of people in military relationships do..

OMG, Fran, you just made me :rofl1:. Thank you, I needed that. And you are so right.

^ Also completely right. That may be printed off and put by my Bible verses and other insprational quotes on my night stand.

ETA: But oh, a confession....I don't like the Navy dress uniforms. I think they look silly. And he has to wear the dress uniform for our wedding. Boooooo. (I am secretly hoping that since he will be training with Marines, he'll get the Marine dress uniform. But, SHHH! He cannot know! LOL)

Well... I know my advice is not wanted and I don't want to add to the rant but if you feel that not responding at all is a problem but also don't want to lead him on. Maybe just send him a message saying hi and thanks for the message and that he sounds like a very nice person but that your faith is very important to you and you really aren't looking for a fun date type experience and that you feel you aren't compatible for this reason. I mean, if you feel you must say something... I would just go with the truth.

Getting a migraine. Already took Tylenol, which is doing nothing. Can't take anything else except Advil, which I don't have, since I'm breastfeeding. Ughhhhhh, please please please go awayyyyy.

Sort of agree with what Fran said. Time matters not when it comes to missing someone. But missing someone when gone for a shirt time diesn't always equal a spoiled brat who doesn't know what it's like to be away from their SO for a long time. I can't stand it when Brian is gone for a night. I miss him terribly but I also know what it's like to be away from him for a long time. After we were married I had to go back to Canada and live far away from him for over a year. I feel like that has made us more "clingy" even 8 years later lol but we are just the clingy type.

I remember a couple years ago I had a bunch of paperwork stuff to take of back in Canada and I was up there for a month but Brian had to be back here working. After two weeks I was seriously startin to crack. I was about to totally lose my mind and I would bawl to him on the phone. It was seriously no time at all compared to the year apart before but UGH it was almost like PTSD (nit making light of post traumatic stress). I think being away from him as well as away from our home made it worse. I honestly have nightmares still that I end up stuck back up in Canada and no matter how hard I try I can't call Brian and the despair in my dream is so real and intense. When I wake up in our home it brings me relief but the dream sticks with me all day. I know people will think that's crazy but distance for any period of time affects people differently.

It's frustrating to hear people vent about things that aren't as bad as you have it but missig someone for 24 hours or 24 days or 24 months is still missing someone and it's still painful.

Blackrose, I am sorry you have to miss him so much for so long. It really is so hard

I wish I could just find a friggin date. I haven't had a date in years. Dunno what is wrong with me.

Also, it's HOT outside. I hate it.

Your secret is safe with me!
I <3 <3 <3 his dress blues haha I get why marines are so protective of them I think they are the cutest ones

I don't know if they "must" wear them to weddings. We have discussed his dress blues at the ceremony and then something more comfortable at reception
(Hot? Yes. Comfortable? NOPE! haha)

lol glad I could make you smile! There are days that I'm great at staying positive

then there are days where I want to spit at couples holding hands at the park hahaha

Well, in one of my letters, I did tell him that if his dress uniform clashed with any of the wedding colors ( my dress is ivory and my bridesmaids are wearing a dark blue) that he'll have to get married in his underwear.

DO IT!! hahaha

They totally don't have to get married in dress uniforms! They can wear a tux/suit just like anyone else. When I was planning a wedding to my ex bf (in the Naval Academy chapel), I absolutely didn't want a military wedding--I just liked the chapel

I think he wants to get married in the uniform...but if I burst out laughing when I see him in it, we may have to change that plan.

Is it an academy thing to swat the bride on the butt with the swords when leaving the church through the arch, or a general navy thing? "Welcome to the navy, ma'am" *BUTT SWAT*

I don't know. The men get so few opinions or choices about the wedding. Usually wanting to wear their uniform is something important to them. I mean... Would we let them dictate thendress we choose? LOL NO most times we don't let them even know until they see us that day LOL maybe guys should get the same option hahaha

Sadly (well not really) my boyfriends parents are both wedding photographers. He grew up in "the wedding culture" tagging along with them to countless weddings.
so he is frikin opinions on everything. Which me being me.. is a problem :lol-sign:

In the same way I have always loved weddings and planned mine.
Being part of all this has made him the same way.
Problem? Our dream weddings don't exactly mesh lol nothing deal breaking, just very very different.

I want small, he wants big.
I want fun themed, he wants classic.
I want vanilla, he wants chocolate.
I want an A line tule dress, he wants me to wear a ball gown.
I want a fun location, he wants a classic chapel.
I want indoor reception, he wants outdoor.
I want potted flowers and more eco-friendly options. He wants classic cut flowers.
I hate calla lillies, he loves calla lilles.
I hate to dance, he wants to waltz.
I want him to wear converse, he wants to wear his dress blues.
I want yummy foods self served, he wants sit down dinner.
I want fun live band, he wants string quartet.

We are probably going to end up eloping lol

Eloping is totally where it's at lol. We eloped and we haven't regretted it a single day in our lives LOL.

I love going to other peoples weddings, I had no desire to try to co ordinate my own. With all the long distance people (being that none of our family lives anywhere near us... Except for and aunt and uncle and anfew cousins on Brians side) and that some of my siblings don't get along, my sister hates my mom, etc etc etc and then all the money to put out. I always thought I wanted the wedding but push come to shove and I was like HECK NO and we eloped and told everyone later

It's funny because when I first met a friend of mine we were talkig about how we met our spouses and she said "did you have a wedding or dis you elope?" I had never been asked that... Usualy it's what was your wedding like or where was it. I told her we eloped and she said "I thought so. I don't know you very well yet but you just don't seem like the big wedding type". LOL