Another Funny Cat Story

Here's another cat story I read:

"The Best Cat Story Ever"

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable.
No matter how legitimate my illness, I always sense
my boss thinks I am lying.

On one occasion, I had a valid reason, but lied
anyway because the truth was too humiliating. I
simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury
and I hoped I would feel like coming in the next day.
By then, I thought, I could think up a doozy to explain
the bandage on my crown.

The accident occurred mainly because I conceded
to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially,
the new acquisition was no problem, but one morning
I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard
my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.

"Ed!! The garbage disposal is dead. Come and
reset it."

"You know where the button is," I protested through
the shower (pitter-patter). "Reset it yourself!"

"I am scared!" she pleaded. "What if it starts going
and it pulls me in?" (Pause) "C'mon, it'll only take
you a second."

So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping
to make a statement about how her cowardly behavior
was not without consequence.

I crouched down and stuck my head under the sink
to find the button. It is the last action I remember
performing.

It struck without warning, without any respect to my
circumstances. Nay, it wasn't a hexed disposal
drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our
new kitty, clawing playfully at the dangling
objects she spied between my legs.

She had been poised around the corner and stalked
me as I took the bait under the sink. At precisely the
second I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys
I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her
needle-like claws.

I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily
movements, while rising upwardly at a violent rate
of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging
from my masculine region.

Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or
flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose
only the "flight" option.

Fleeing straight up, the sink and cabinet bluntly
impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me
out cold.

When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood
over me. Having been fully briefed by my wife, the
paramedics snorted as they tried to conduct their
work while suppressing hysterical laughter.

At the office, my colleagues tried to coax an explanation
out of me. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to
talk about.

"What's the matter, cat got your tongue?"

If they had only known.


This one came from http://www.ladyhawk.com

Haaaaaa haaaaaaaa!!!! What a riot!!!!

Dear Renee, I hope the camera was handy, and you got a picture.

Trust me, it wasn't at my house! Charlie's got more sense than that and I can certainly push the reset button by myself! (lol) The story was in first person, so I left it that way; it gives it a certain sense of immediacy, don't you think?

I did have a big cat (Gonzo) once who liked to mess with my Dad's mind and sneak up on my Dad, leap, and hang by his very long claws in the crotch of my Dad's trousers. Gonzo never touched anything but fabric, though; he was very careful. (g)

A Cat Name Prunes

I once knew an old man who told me how his cat got her name "Prune's". He
left it up to me to choose which of his stories were true, and which were not.
"One way," he told me to tell if it's a lie, is to watch his lips."
"If they move, he is."
This funny old man said, "One time it was so hot here in the desert, his cat
sunk each of her four paw claws in prunes, so she could walk across the
blazing courtyard and not burn her feet."
Now, I know cat's are very smart and witty, but I saw the old man's lips move
and the cat was smiling.