Raising a Autistic Child as a single parent. Anyone here been there?

**duplicate post**

Bogart, that wasn't directed at you. Just a general statement.

I'll be open and admit it's hard. It's hard to repeat yourself over and over again, only to look into a face that just isn't "getting it". My life is pretty much a broken record in regard to saying certain phrases. However, what works wonderfully is to rephrase your statement. I.e. Replace "I said stop jumping on the bed!" with "The bed is not for jumping on."....or "You need to pick up your toys now." with "The toys are for picking up now.". Give your sentence a subject to change it from an order, which especially appeals to kiss with a defiant streak.

Yeah, that sounds respectful. How autistic are you? Are you even autistic? What do you base your statements on?

https://sites.google.com/site/notautismspeaks/home




Thank you Cali, I really do appreciate it. Passionate is a bit of an understatement

Sorry about everything you are going through

There are some great programs in some schools so look into it when you look for homes in the next couple of years.

If they start working with kids early it really helps.

I admit to knowing next to nothing about kids. I know with adults sometimes they teach how to respond to emotions,basically to fake things. Which sounds odd but its basically making people more comfortable in conversations because thats what can be so awkward. many older people never had a diagnosis as a child like they get now and they slipped through the cracks with other labels.

Definitely do what Sael said. I was dx'd late in life, so I don't have the opportunities that a young child has avaliable to them unfortunately. I am lucky enough that right now my job affords me the opportunity to have my SDiT with me most of the day, and he helps me out tremendously. I think that with OT I'd have a few less issues in regards to social interaction and what I have available in terms of job growth /opportunities.

Everyone is different though, and this may be something that will give him many paths in life to walk down. There are amazing stories of autistic people getting involved in their special interests in a big way and being able to capitalize on using his different brain effectively.

Sorry if I'm rambling, but if you've got any questions for me, please ask.

And as far as what Joce just said, I have to do the same thing. Luckily my boss at my old job was extremly understanding and told me to "fake it til I make it" in terms of social interaction emotion. It doesn't really change the fact that for the most part I get confused about why things are the way they are in terms of other peoples emotion, but it does keep me from making terrible social blunders. And most of my coworkers know I'm a little bit weird anyway

Ive actually gotten alot of information from there from the parent point of view which was really helpful since my (ex)husband refuses to accept his issues. We have been doing alot of research but alot of it is coming from friends in the field that I can text videos of and what not and say what would you do LOL. My biggest concern is how do you do it as a single mother with 2 other children and hopefully the 3rd isnt autistic either. It doesnt help that I am just NOW getting used to being a single mom to more then one and have a newborn thrown into the mix soon. It was hard enough before his "dx" now I worry even more how he is going to handle it. Especially being seperated from me. I know I can do it, its just hard to imagine I can right now especially after a 2 hour meltdown today. Im also trying to figure out whats the best overall before I start job hunting again after the baby and everything.

When you get started in therapy--I am sure they will have lots of suggestions that will be directly related to Morgan and how he presents.
As to behavior management--one thing I always remind parents of--he is a child first. Children act out--diagnosis or no diagnosis. Knowing how to manage each situation --is it the disability or is it a little boy, or both? Tricky--but you are tuned into your child, you will figure it out. You know how to find me--I live it as a parent (not single parent--but I can relate)--as well as my work experience. Lots to take in--but you will get to a place where you do things as second nature.

I think alot thats helped me on the behavior front is that he is not my first and I have been around ALOT of toddlers so telling whats normal for a toddler and what isnt is easy for me. I cant wait to get a therapist to watch him IRL and not video. Just FYI too for your work a soft sided structure carrier or a woven wrap has been a GODSEND for us with Morgan because it keeps constant pressure on him against me. His holds up to 45 lbs. His tantrums/meltdowns just keep getting worse and worse Im hoping when we get our new carrier tomorrow that it will cut it back again. If not i dont know what to do until we see a therapist honestly. The blanket still helps but not as much. Is it possible hes getting worse as he gets closer to 2?

Im sorry Breeze, all I can offer is a hug and someone to talk to <3

Breeze, as soon as he's in therapy, discuss with them about getting him a weighted vest. Cole wasn't a fan, but I cannot even begin to count the number of children I've worked with who LOVED and needed the security and comfort the vest provided.

Thats sorta what the carrier does for him but its not weighted. It wraps him up basically since I can tighten it up around him however tight I want. I usually just throw him in it when he gets like that because its easier since he follows me around anyway to have him up out of the way.

heres a picture of him in the carrier (my new one is the same basic carrier but a HELL of alot cuter and longer in the back LOL)



Bev in another SSC but a better picture of how they work.



Thanks hayley <3

A) How the flying sam hell was that "respectfully"?

B)Even if Sael's personal experience hadn't been brought up, just because someone doesn't have kids doesn't make them unqualified to give advice or have knowledge about a given subject. Having kids doesn't make you an expert on anything nor does raising a "special needs" child, there is always somebody out there that knows more than you do. Sometimes it's through legitimate personal FIRSTHAND experience...

Please check that high horse you rode into this thread on and choose a better mount...

I've met a fair number of families with autistic kids over the last few years. A lot will be dependent upon what kind of depth in the spectrum you find yourself dealing with. Some kids are mainstreamed in all but a couple subjects and some will be doing well to learn to sign a few words, picking out what they need on a chart board, and really will need lifelong assistance for the very basics of life.

If I can offer a few words of advice they'd be:
Take care of yourself and your sanity. It's ok to plan to have a night off a week for just you if you are feeling overwhelmed or even if your not feeling overwhelmed.
Plan for the long term in addition to the short term. You may need to take special steps if your child will need assistance as an adult.
Be prepared to be very involved at school - learn your available programs and decide if they are for you and your son.
Use your resources both community and financial.
Find a good doctor - hopefully one who is very experienced with dealing with autistic kids.

I can't offer much/any help or experience, but just keep in mind that he's not an autistic child, he's a child with autism. Child being first and foremost.

I will say there is a difference in information if you are the parent then the person with autism at least for me. I cant understand him yet and he has no way to communicate it with me so from a parents standpoint the information there helps more then someone who has it.

What I am hoping to find him school wise is one that is a normal school certain days of the week and homeschool the rest. We have one here but its religion based and I don't want him in that setting or any of my children. The doctor is my next step where hes at right now is not going to be a good fit for him but im not sure we are even allowed to change PCP yet The big thing is going to be walking away for the night. I never did it when we were married and Im not sure I can do it just being me. I enjoy being with them more then I enjoy going out or anything.

He will always be first and foremost my baby but he is a autistic child and that comes with differences in raising him. I saw how ignoring it in how you raise your child affects them and thats why I am where I am right now.

I wish I could box up a support system and send it to you.

compression vests are great--or other compression garments. But any weighted materials or compression, etc. needs a schedule or the body acclimates to it and it loses it's effectiveness. So you can overuse things like blankets, vests, even the carrier.
There are lots of ways to support sensory needs--but it should be guided by someone working directly with you and Morgan since there are subtleties that can be important in what you use/how/and why.

Well that explains why the blanket isnt working anymore. I cant wait to get him seen in person. You and my friends are a great help but NOTHING beats having someone actually WATCH him.

Does anyone know a place where I can get teaching resources for Morgan low cost? Things like Singing Times for Autism and what not?

Id love to start things at home but looking at the prices I just CANT afford it right now .

Has he been diagnosed by a doctor in person?