Julie I really encourage you to read this article http://www.k9deb.com/nilif.htm
and follow the advice. Even if you don't want to you should at least read it for some insight. I think it could really help you. Also, the link to 'social isolation' at the top of the page would probably help you a lot. You need for her to learn to respect you and how to be a member of the family. You can't over power her or force her to do it and I wouldn't want you to try. People swear by this method so please read the article.