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Old 01-08-2014, 09:31 PM
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*blackrose *blackrose is offline
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 6,140
Default Advice: communication

Need to vent a little and get some advice on how to cope, I think.

As many of you are aware, I'm currently in a long distance relationship. My husband is enlisted and is currently away for training. He's been gone for 4.5 months, will likely be gone for another 2-3 months, but that could easily turn into 8-9 months if after training he is stationed with a battalion that is currently deployed. We'll know more the end of February, but that is besides the point. The first two months he was gone SUCKED. I'm pretty sure I went through a form of depression. Now him being gone is pretty normal. Still doesn't feel right, mind you, but it's normal. So that isn't really the issue I'm having. My problem is the communication.

Michael has never been one that relies on verbal communication. He expresses a lot of his feelings and thoughts with non-verbal cues. When he was here, this wasn't an issue, because I was getting feedback from him. Now that he is gone...I'm relying purely on his verbal communications skills to keep in touch with me, and I am finding those a bit lacking, to say the least. To make matters worse, he thinks texting should be limited to brief messages and he views talking on the phone to accomplish something, not really just for idle chit chat. (He also hates email, due to being dyslexic.)

Then there is me. I don't want to say that I'm needy...but I kind of am. Maybe not so much needy, but I'm insecure with myself. I tend to shut down and am just this boiling writhing mass of angst on the inside when I perceive anything negative towards me or what I'm responsible for. So, when I don't hear from Michael for stretches of time, my brain starts getting all worried and anxious and I can't turn it off. Which then makes me upset with myself, which then gets me more upset...vicious cycle. Ultimately, I don't pull myself out of it until I hear from him, even if it is just a short, plain text.
I didn't feel this way when he was at RTC and our only form of communication was letters, because he wrote me consistently. I knew on Wednesday morning when I'd get the mail there would be a letter from him. And even though that was only once a week, and I was getting news that was a week past, it was consistent and I knew he cared because, well, he was writing letters.

I've briefly discussed with him these issues when it really started getting to me, and he made an effort to communicate more and tell me when he was about ready to have a crazy schedule so I knew not to expect any communication. And that was alright. One morning he sent me a text that said, "Going to be a crazy week, may not hear much from me." And I didn't hear from him for three? days. No issues on my part.

So, what brings on this post, you ask? Boiling cauldron of angst over here because I haven't heard from him since Monday morning. Felt kind of put out because I hadn't heard from him (even after some rather drunk texting I sent him last night LOL), then I got mad at myself for feeling put out...the cycle continues.

My mind says this: He doesn't need to have hours of conversation with me, but it does make me feel a little hurt that I'm not worth the trouble of sending a one sentence text to right before bed, or first thing in the morning. Heck, I'd be happy with an emoticon. Just something to let me know that I haven't completely dropped off the face of his earth. Basically, the equivalent to the kiss on a cheek in the morning on his way out the door to go to work.

While my logic says: He's busy. He loves you. He will be in touch when he can. He isn't viewing the situation the same as you are.

I guess what I'd like is advice...ways that I can stop feeling so danged upset when I don't hear from him? I know he loves me. I know he is busy. I know he has insanely long days and at times is only getting 2-4 hours of sleep before starting again. But that isn't helping me feel any better, and I am really finding it quite ridiculous that I get so worked up about not hearing from him.

Someone be my therapist!
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