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  #2131  
Old 08-29-2013, 09:32 AM
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Cali...don't be concerned if it still doesn't feel real after your dating scan. For me it didn't start to feel real until after the anatomy scan and feeling the baby move regularly. Even after I told my family and friends and started buying baby things.

And I was barely showing at 7 months...not sure how a dr could predict that though? At 7 months I looked like 3 months pregnant
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  #2132  
Old 08-29-2013, 07:40 PM
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*sad thing/possible trigger warning please head caution before reading below*









Hey guys, I know this totally isn't my thread and I've butted in a few times but I need some advice.

A friend of mine from college just lost her baby a week ago. She was 4 months old. I was invited to the wake and I just need..advice.

I am at a total loss of what to say. We aren't that close, we are friends in a larger group but we are close enough to know that she absolutely loved being a mom and her and her husband (who is in the army and away) absolutely loved that child and had trouble conceiving (she was born through IVF)
Her husband can't be with her for another few months on top of everything else.

I need to know what to say. What not to say.
I've never been to a wake of this sort.. what would one bring? food? gift?

The baby was totally healthy, I met her a few times.. sweet, active, loud..

I'm just at a total loss. I didn't think I would be affected this much.. I mean, we aren't that close,I've met the child a handful of times.
But I've seen her pictures all over facebook and all their adventures and know what she went through to have her and her husband being gone.

My heart breaks for her and I don't know what to do.
I want to buy her something or help in some way.
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  #2133  
Old 08-29-2013, 08:14 PM
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Oh Fran I'm sorry for her, and I'm sorry for you, too. Even if you weren't that close, it's still going to affect you.

I'm not sure there is anything you can say. Say you're sorry. Say you're thinking of them. Say you're just a phone call away if she needs anything. I can't really imagine much helps when you lose your baby. I guess in some tiny way knowing that people are there for you might be a start.
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  #2134  
Old 08-29-2013, 08:24 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by milos_mommy View Post
Oh Fran I'm sorry for her, and I'm sorry for you, too. Even if you weren't that close, it's still going to affect you.

I'm not sure there is anything you can say. Say you're sorry. Say you're thinking of them. Say you're just a phone call away if she needs anything. I can't really imagine much helps when you lose your baby. I guess in some tiny way knowing that people are there for you might be a start.
This, totally. Just say you are sorry and you are there if they need anythig. Other than that, there is nothingnyou really can say.

As for a gift, find out if they want donations to a cause in leui of flowers. You don't want to bring something that they are just going to have tonstruggle to find something to do with it after the fact. A donation with a card is probably the most meaningful thing you can do at this time

So sorry for your friend . I can't even imagine. Praying for them
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  #2135  
Old 08-29-2013, 08:42 PM
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I don't... think there is anything you can do. My cousin lost her firstborn as an infant.... a little girl. She also had tons of trouble conceiving then that happened... It is SO hard to watch someone go through. I can't fathom it at all.

I would just be there and hug her and cry and let her know you're there for her if she needs someone. It is so sad.
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  #2136  
Old 08-29-2013, 08:52 PM
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Just follow her lead and be there in whatever way you can.

I have a friend who lost several...twice late term miscarried and then had still birth twins. For her, she really needed to talk about them, to show pictures, etc. For me, I would be (I think) the opposite and more need to just get out of my head. Everyone reacts so different, there is really no "right" thing to say.

(((hugs)))
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Old 08-29-2013, 08:56 PM
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Nothing to add except how terribly sorry I am for her. I cannot even imagine.
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  #2138  
Old 08-29-2013, 09:06 PM
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Thanks guys I just don't even know what she must be going through. I wish I could like call the president and get her husband back home.

I am going to find a nice card.. I was thinking maybe some giftcards? is that inappropriate? (I was thinking a spa weekend..) like I want her to feel better so I figured the spa but I don't want it to seem like a weird present for such a time..
or do you think just a check or donation would be better?

Her mom is with her right now and emailed everyone invited to say thank you for the thoughts i just.. I dunno. I am struggling with this. She was just a good mom you know? I didn't know her that well but I knew that. She was the kind of mom who made quilts and went to mommy & me

and her facebook is currently a stream of "OH GOD WHAT HAPPENED???" and it's like shut up!!!
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  #2139  
Old 08-29-2013, 09:24 PM
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I don't think any gift card to a spa or something is a good idea. Personally I would never ever be able to use that.

I think either having food sent, one of those meal delivery things, or a donation in the baby's honor would be the only appropriate gifts right now.
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  #2140  
Old 08-29-2013, 09:29 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by milos_mommy View Post
I don't think any gift card to a spa or something is a good idea. Personally I would never ever be able to use that.

I think either having food sent, one of those meal delivery things, or a donation in the baby's honor would be the only appropriate gifts right now.
that's true.
Her mother and family I believe have arranged a cook to come in twice a day (/grocery delivery) for her.. so that seems to be taken care of.

A donation in the babies honor seems to be the way to go. She is passionate about the environment.. perhaps a donation that plants a tree in her honor?
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