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Old 05-15-2013, 08:43 PM
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What would you do if a friend's significant other said something inappropriate to you?
If he was drunk or it was just a comment on my looks (ala "you look hot") he would get a firm look and a stern "ENOUGH. GET YOUR **** TOGETHER" and I would make a distance.

If it was a sober suggestion for something inappropriate "I think we should hook up"/"you look really hot, I think we should xyz" ...
If it was a close friend, I'd 100% tell her.
If just a friend? I would distance myself, shoot him down hard, avoid the drama, and leave them be.

by "close friend"= someone I would call if I was in the hospital, someone who I would be comfortable watching TV in my underwear around, someone I love.

"friend"= someone I have as a friend on facebook, someone I see for "main events" (baby showers, maybe birthday, etc..) but is not someone I would think of calling if I was crying at 2 am and needed someone to talk to.

What line would they have to cross in order to get you to mention it to your friend? Would you tell a friend if they flat out asked you to hook up with them or told you they had feelings for you?

The line to me is a sober, calculated, honest suggestion at physical intimacy. "I think we should hook up"
or a sober inappropriate compliment "You look really hot in that dress"

I would tell a close friend if he said/did either of those things.
a regular friend? I would just say no, put a little fear in them (WHAT WOULD SOANDSO THINK ABOUT YOU ACTING LIKE THIS?) and distance myself from the situation.

I would not say anything to anyone for a drunk slurred statement at a party of "You look hot"/"I think about what you look like naked sometimes". I have said some stupid stuff drunk, really stupid stuff lol might it be true? yea. but most of that is harmless just..drunken idiocy.

I refuse to deal with the drama of "he says he didn't do that!" "are you sure he said that!" "You are lying!" etc..etc.. of telling "regular friends" such serious accusatory things.

my close friends would take my word 110% no questions asked. So they get the truth, every time, if I think the situation is serious enough that HE WOULD go through with it.

What happens if the friend's SO is also someone you consider(ed) a friend of yours?


Depends on the suggestion.

If an SO of a friend said he had feelings for me (and we were also friends) and they were true honest feelings not based in his penis.. I guess I would be more lenient. I would talk to him, ask him why he thinks he feels that way, explain to him gently that he needs to sort his stuff out and that he has put me in an awkward position and needs to talk to his SO etc..

If a close friend's boyfriend decided to cross that line, even if we were friends, he would get shot down. hard. My close friends are family and it is not the kind of bond I would mess with because of the confused feelings of a friend-by-association-to-my-actual-close-friend.

If he suggested something sexual while he was in a relationship, we weren't friends in the first place. Screw him.

Does it change depending on how well you know your friend?

Of course.
Close friends gets the honest blunt truth every time. I know my friends and I trust each other and will believe each other. we owe and promised honesty.
I don't have MANY close friends, but the ones I do have are family. There is no bond stronger and nothing I couldn't tell them.

Regular friends? Who knows. Depends on so many factors. More than likely it would be a situation of distancing myself from them both and calling it a day.

Does it change depending on how serious the friend's relationship is?

With a close friend? Nope. I would tell her if her boyfriend of 2 weeks did it and I would tell her if her fiance did it.
Either way she would believe me and either way she deserves the truth from me 100%.

A regular friend? Honestly I would be more likely to say something of a short term boyfriend than a long term one. I am not dealing with the prickliness of making that accusation about someone she LOVES.


Would you want a friend to tell you if your SO was either cheating on you or mentioning they'd be willing to?

Yes.
No questions asked. I'd rather be hurt and heart broken than live with someone who has that in them.
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  #12  
Old 05-15-2013, 08:58 PM
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milos_mommy milos_mommy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Tucker&Me~ View Post
if my ex had approached a good friend of mine to cheat and she never told me, I would be very upset.
That's the thing...she's really not a "good friend". If I had a BF and he cheated on me, I most likely wouldn't tell her about it. She's not like a close enough friend where I'd be seeking her out to discuss my dating/personal life with her. If we hang out, I'd tell her things, but she's not the kind of friend I'd call or text to tell about a date I just went on or that I was going through a break-up or something.

This is also a pretty serious BF she has...they've been together almost a year, lived together briefly, etc.

If she ever expressed any kind of concern to me about his behavior (in general, towards me, on cheating, whatever), I might bring it up. But otherwise, I don't think it's appropriate for me to get involved. I hope I can still hang out/be friends with her without it being weird, though :/
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