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  #11  
Old 03-29-2013, 02:31 PM
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Laurelin Laurelin is offline
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It took me a year to bond with Summer and to really realize it. I always liked her and thought she was a neat little dog but it took time. We're still not 'as close' as Mia and I are, but I don't think it's fair to compare the two. I've never been as close to any dog as I am to Mia. But Summer is a sweetheart and so much fun to work with. She's crazy and the nicest dog on the planet and that's why I adore her.

Trey took many years to bond with. He was so odd and so impossible to read. It finally came once I stopped comparing him to the other dogs.
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  #12  
Old 03-29-2013, 03:48 PM
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I think the only way I'd consider rehoming in your described situation is if I thought that my personality or lifestyle was hindering the dog from coming out of it's shell and coping with it's issues, and I wasn't able to change that. If the dog and you simply don't have perfectly meshing temperaments/personalities...for me, that's be something to just "get over". IMO, when you get a dog, you stack the odds in your favor, but the way they act at home over time is never guarantee, and they're family. They might be too quiet or too active or too sensitive or too stupid for your liking, but you deal with it.

If you think you're really unable to control your frustrations with him or work around it so that he's not put into situations where he's very uncomfortable, because of your job, other pets, etc...I'd consider rehoming. But I wouldn't seek out rehoming just because you guys don't click or bond that well.
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  #13  
Old 03-29-2013, 04:03 PM
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I'll pretty much just copy my response from the other other forum :3

Knowing what I know now about Ma'ii, in truth, he probably isn't the best fit for us. He is terrible in cars (and we travel a LOT), is FAR to vocal, obnoxious, has issues focusing, is very leash reactive, and too smart for his own good. I blame a life of poor training and socialization since he spent his whole life living on a ranch and never got out beyond that setting (this dog had no idea how to even play when we first got him; we'd throw a ball and he'd look at us like we had six heads). But inspite of all that, we love him immensely, and he loves us. So rather then handing him off to someone else that may or may not be a "better fit", we've tweeked our lives and selves a bit to reach a happy medium that works for all of us, and never stopped working with him. He's still not what I envisioned my "perfect" dog to be, but we've moved mountains with him from what he was when he first came to stay with us.

If I could go back and do it all over again knowing what I know now about him, would I? I think I would. Preferably at a younger age, as I'm convinced it was his up bringing that has made him the way he is with the issues he has, but either way, it's been an invaluable learning experience. Ma'ii is actually the Navajo name for the Coyote spirit, who in legend is mischievous, deceptive, always getting into trouble and dragging those who cross his path into trouble as well....just like my dog. But they also teach us that there is wisdom in folly, and how to laugh at yourself when luck just isn't on your side, and that's my dog as well. When it comes right down to it, Ma'ii is an incredible dog who offers us a challenge as well as keeps us laughing.
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  #14  
Old 03-29-2013, 05:12 PM
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I've been trying for a couple of hours to think how to phrase what I was thinking without sounding like a callous jerk, and but someone beat me to the punch.

Quote:
If the dog and you simply don't have perfectly meshing temperaments/personalities...for me, that's be something to just "get over". IMO, when you get a dog, you stack the odds in your favor, but the way they act at home over time is never guarantee, and they're family. They might be too quiet or too active or too sensitive or too stupid for your liking, but you deal with it.
I can't fathom getting rid of a dog after a year unless all hell was breaking loose. I know, I know, people do it, sometimes it works out for the best, but for me it would never be possible. You made a commitment to the dog, time to follow through.

He will never be Josefina. He can't be, and any puppy or adult dog you ever get isn't going to be. He can be his own amazing self, but if you are constantly comparing him to her, you are going to always be annoyed and he is always going to be the loser.

All dogs are different. I have two incredibly different dogs, and I've had times where I thought "Why isn't Gusto bonding to me like Meg?" Shoot, he's even my "got as a puppy and raised him" dog. Meg was an adult when I got her. Meg is so incredibly in tune to me, life with her is nearly always easy. Gusto leaves me to go sniff the dot on the floor, runs off the green to go see the dog across the street, and is appalled when I try to hold him on my lap at an agility trial. When I try to treat him like Meg and expect him to be a "good dog", I get frustrated and grumpy.

I have to treat him like Gusto and expect Gusto-like responses. I bond with him in Gusto-like ways.

What have you done, in the last year, to bond with The Other Dog? Adjusting how you train is absolutely wonderful, and I am certain incredibly appreciated by both your dogs - congratulations on taking such an important step! But it sounds like you and your rescue need to find some real confidence boosting games for the two of you to play together. There's been some great threads on this forum about boosting confidence in soft, worried dogs. I got advice here early on with Meg that absolutely changed our relationship for the better. But you do need to put the effort in.

And with these soft, worried dogs - learn to be a fantastic actress. My agility trainer has told me I deserve an Oscar for my ability to fake "Everything is wonderful and amazing and you are a genius!" with Meg, who will shut down when she thinks things aren't going well. FAKE happy. Get good at it. Put him away if you want to beat the crap out of a badly behaving piece of lawn equipment. Don't lose your temper in front of him. He needs to trust that you are confident and stable.

A friend threw this quote at me when I was really struggling with Gusto:

Quote:
“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

***8213; Albert Einstein
I love it. My dogs may have completely different strengths and personalities, but my life is so much richer for it. I love my fish as well as my tree-climbing whatever
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  #15  
Old 03-29-2013, 05:15 PM
JessLough JessLough is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BostonBanker View Post
I've been trying for a couple of hours to think how to phrase what I was thinking without sounding like a callous jerk, and but someone beat me to the punch.



I can't fathom getting rid of a dog after a year unless all hell was breaking loose. I know, I know, people do it, sometimes it works out for the best, but for me it would never be possible. You made a commitment to the dog, time to follow through.

He will never be Josefina. He can't be, and any puppy or adult dog you ever get isn't going to be. He can be his own amazing self, but if you are constantly comparing him to her, you are going to always be annoyed and he is always going to be the loser.

All dogs are different. I have two incredibly different dogs, and I've had times where I thought "Why isn't Gusto bonding to me like Meg?" Shoot, he's even my "got as a puppy and raised him" dog. Meg was an adult when I got her. Meg is so incredibly in tune to me, life with her is nearly always easy. Gusto leaves me to go sniff the dot on the floor, runs off the green to go see the dog across the street, and is appalled when I try to hold him on my lap at an agility trial. When I try to treat him like Meg and expect him to be a "good dog", I get frustrated and grumpy.

I have to treat him like Gusto and expect Gusto-like responses. I bond with him in Gusto-like ways.

What have you done, in the last year, to bond with The Other Dog? Adjusting how you train is absolutely wonderful, and I am certain incredibly appreciated by both your dogs - congratulations on taking such an important step! But it sounds like you and your rescue need to find some real confidence boosting games for the two of you to play together. There's been some great threads on this forum about boosting confidence in soft, worried dogs. I got advice here early on with Meg that absolutely changed our relationship for the better. But you do need to put the effort in.

And with these soft, worried dogs - learn to be a fantastic actress. My agility trainer has told me I deserve an Oscar for my ability to fake "Everything is wonderful and amazing and you are a genius!" with Meg, who will shut down when she thinks things aren't going well. FAKE happy. Get good at it. Put him away if you want to beat the crap out of a badly behaving piece of lawn equipment. Don't lose your temper in front of him. He needs to trust that you are confident and stable.

A friend threw this quote at me when I was really struggling with Gusto:



I love it. My dogs may have completely different strengths and personalities, but my life is so much richer for it. I love my fish as well as my tree-climbing whatever
This. Times a million.
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  #16  
Old 03-29-2013, 05:29 PM
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sillysally sillysally is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BostonBanker View Post
I've been trying for a couple of hours to think how to phrase what I was thinking without sounding like a callous jerk, and but someone beat me to the punch.



I can't fathom getting rid of a dog after a year unless all hell was breaking loose. I know, I know, people do it, sometimes it works out for the best, but for me it would never be possible. You made a commitment to the dog, time to follow through.

He will never be Josefina. He can't be, and any puppy or adult dog you ever get isn't going to be. He can be his own amazing self, but if you are constantly comparing him to her, you are going to always be annoyed and he is always going to be the loser.

All dogs are different. I have two incredibly different dogs, and I've had times where I thought "Why isn't Gusto bonding to me like Meg?" Shoot, he's even my "got as a puppy and raised him" dog. Meg was an adult when I got her. Meg is so incredibly in tune to me, life with her is nearly always easy. Gusto leaves me to go sniff the dot on the floor, runs off the green to go see the dog across the street, and is appalled when I try to hold him on my lap at an agility trial. When I try to treat him like Meg and expect him to be a "good dog", I get frustrated and grumpy.

I have to treat him like Gusto and expect Gusto-like responses. I bond with him in Gusto-like ways.

What have you done, in the last year, to bond with The Other Dog? Adjusting how you train is absolutely wonderful, and I am certain incredibly appreciated by both your dogs - congratulations on taking such an important step! But it sounds like you and your rescue need to find some real confidence boosting games for the two of you to play together. There's been some great threads on this forum about boosting confidence in soft, worried dogs. I got advice here early on with Meg that absolutely changed our relationship for the better. But you do need to put the effort in.

And with these soft, worried dogs - learn to be a fantastic actress. My agility trainer has told me I deserve an Oscar for my ability to fake "Everything is wonderful and amazing and you are a genius!" with Meg, who will shut down when she thinks things aren't going well. FAKE happy. Get good at it. Put him away if you want to beat the crap out of a badly behaving piece of lawn equipment. Don't lose your temper in front of him. He needs to trust that you are confident and stable.

A friend threw this quote at me when I was really struggling with Gusto:



I love it. My dogs may have completely different strengths and personalities, but my life is so much richer for it. I love my fish as well as my tree-climbing whatever
This! Awesome post!!
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  #17  
Old 03-29-2013, 05:40 PM
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Yeah I cross posted this because I know both "places" have different members & I wanted a ton of opinions from as many ppl as possible.

I think me second guessing myself was me just feeling inadaquite as a trainer & as an owner. Not hating buddy or resenting him because he is not like my other dog, I have been there played that game & it doesn't work.

I just want the best for him, I will check out this site as well as google for confidence building excersises
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  #18  
Old 03-29-2013, 08:53 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BostonBanker View Post
I can't fathom getting rid of a dog after a year unless all hell was breaking loose. I know, I know, people do it, sometimes it works out for the best, but for me it would never be possible. You made a commitment to the dog, time to follow through.

He will never be Josefina. He can't be, and any puppy or adult dog you ever get isn't going to be. He can be his own amazing self, but if you are constantly comparing him to her, you are going to always be annoyed and he is always going to be the loser.

All dogs are different. I have two incredibly different dogs, and I've had times where I thought "Why isn't Gusto bonding to me like Meg?" Shoot, he's even my "got as a puppy and raised him" dog. Meg was an adult when I got her. Meg is so incredibly in tune to me, life with her is nearly always easy. Gusto leaves me to go sniff the dot on the floor, runs off the green to go see the dog across the street, and is appalled when I try to hold him on my lap at an agility trial. When I try to treat him like Meg and expect him to be a "good dog", I get frustrated and grumpy.

I have to treat him like Gusto and expect Gusto-like responses. I bond with him in Gusto-like ways.

What have you done, in the last year, to bond with The Other Dog? Adjusting how you train is absolutely wonderful, and I am certain incredibly appreciated by both your dogs - congratulations on taking such an important step! But it sounds like you and your rescue need to find some real confidence boosting games for the two of you to play together. There's been some great threads on this forum about boosting confidence in soft, worried dogs. I got advice here early on with Meg that absolutely changed our relationship for the better. But you do need to put the effort in.

And with these soft, worried dogs - learn to be a fantastic actress. My agility trainer has told me I deserve an Oscar for my ability to fake "Everything is wonderful and amazing and you are a genius!" with Meg, who will shut down when she thinks things aren't going well. FAKE happy. Get good at it. Put him away if you want to beat the crap out of a badly behaving piece of lawn equipment. Don't lose your temper in front of him. He needs to trust that you are confident and stable.

A friend threw this quote at me when I was really struggling with Gusto:



I love it. My dogs may have completely different strengths and personalities, but my life is so much richer for it. I love my fish as well as my tree-climbing whatever
Word. I waited 10 years to add a second dog to my household and had high expectations when I brought Pan home as a pup. Then......we didn't like each other for the first 8 months. I was disappointed, I had numerous people tell me to return her to the breeder, training was often no fun. But, she was minethe day that I brought her home.

I had to work through some things that I didn't want or expect, but every dog has it's own training challenges and personality. We have grown and learned together and now we are a super awesome team and I can't even picture not having her.
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  #19  
Old 03-29-2013, 09:02 PM
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It took me 3 months to realize my last foster (Tango) was not really a good match for me. I really, really wanted to keep him, but after a point...it was obvious it wasn't going to work out. I still love him to bits, but I'm SO happy another Chazzer was able to give him a fantastic home He actually made me decide that it will be a LONG time before I have a dog that small. I don't want anything smaller than 15 pounds.
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  #20  
Old 03-29-2013, 09:04 PM
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One year into Backup I was thinking seriously about selling him. Two years and I cannot fathom my life without him, even when he is a PITA.

I don't mind people rehoming dogs that are fitting their lifestyle as long as the dog is being put in a better place but I figure that is worth sharing. Some dogs cause growing pains while you're learning how to be a better dog handler who can handle more than you wanted to but the only way you'll learn is if you don't give up and re-home prematurely.
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