Hypothetical question about living at home

[stafinois]

I side with the parents because I can't imagine doing such a thing. I've lived on my own for 18 years, though.

[adojrts]

Originally Posted by sparks19

Nope, she doesn't need OUR approval but she may regret playing the "it's mine and I can do whatever I want with it" if the parents decide to pull the same card and say "it's our house and we can do whatever we want with it". Honestly, it is entitlement to show no respect for those trying to help you get on your feet, NOT to help you take a nice vacation. If you tell someone you will only be living there temoprarily while saving your money to get your own place I would think it would be nice if you SAVED the money instead of taking an expensive vacation.

You live in someone else's house you either deal with their rules or you get out. Being an adult does not mean you get to just do whatever you want whenever you want without consequence.

She can choose to spend that money and take the vacation but I'll bet she'll be right ticked if she finds herself out of a cushy low rent home. Being an adult means also acting like one and blowing your money on a vacation when you are trying to save for a home is NOT acting like an adult. Act like a child and be treated like one.

YES the parents can choose to just up the rent but it seems they took a low ball rent so that the kids can save more money while still contributing on good faith.

this is all assumption of course lol

This ^^^^.

[LindaJD]

I can't see many parents WANTING their adult kids living at home with them. Sounds like the parents let them live there cheap so they could save up and get their own place and if it were one of my kids, I'd be a little put off that they were spending the money on a vacation instead of putting it toward the goal of getting their own place.
Most of my friends have have young adult kids and there isn't one of us that would prefer our kids stay dependant on us and live in our homes, the ones that do have kids living at home out of necessity are looking forward to the day when the kids can get their own place. My son is on his own, but my 22 year old daughter is living at home while she pays her school bills. I would never let her boyfriend move in with us and as much as I love my daughter I will happy when she moves out, preferably next door, ha ha.
We seem to live in an entitled society. I actually have heard people say that they think grandparents should be their daycare for their grandchildren, like it is expected when grandma retires that she should now watch her grandchildren while the parents work. If thats what grandma wants, fine, but I also don't know many people that would prefer that. They might prefer that to the kid going to daycare, but I can guarantee that grandma would rather see the kid for visits than have them 5 days a week like another job. Once again she is tied down.
As a mother, we love our kids, but we also want to see them making it on their own. Even though you think you are no problem, it is hard living under a roof with another adult, add in a spouse and kids and it's even harder. If my son were to come back home with his wife and daughter, I would not be thrilled. I would feel bad for him that he even had to, but I would mourn my loss of privacy. I would never ever put them out on the street, and I would make them feel welcome, but my ultimate goal would be for them to get it together and move out again.

[SarahHound]

Kids. Everyone deserves a break now and then, and really, living with parents seems to be the norm these days, certainly in this country, because its far to costly to get a place of your own.

[sparks19]

Originally Posted by LindaJD

I can't see many parents WANTING their adult kids living at home with them. Sounds like the parents let them live there cheap so they could save up and get their own place and if it were one of my kids, I'd be a little put off that they were spending the money on a vacation instead of putting it toward the goal of getting their own place.
Most of my friends have have young adult kids and there isn't one of us that would prefer our kids stay dependant on us and live in our homes, the ones that do have kids living at home out of necessity are looking forward to the day when the kids can get their own place. My son is on his own, but my 22 year old daughter is living at home while she pays her school bills. I would never let her boyfriend move in with us and as much as I love my daughter I will happy when she moves out, preferably next door, ha ha.
We seem to live in an entitled society. I actually have heard people say that they think grandparents should be their daycare for their grandchildren, like it is expected when grandma retires that she should now watch her grandchildren while the parents work. If thats what grandma wants, fine, but I also don't know many people that would prefer that. They might prefer that to the kid going to daycare, but I can guarantee that grandma would rather see the kid for visits than have them 5 days a week like another job. Once again she is tied down.
As a mother, we love our kids, but we also want to see them making it on their own. Even though you think you are no problem, it is hard living under a roof with another adult, add in a spouse and kids and it's even harder. If my son were to come back home with his wife and daughter, I would not be thrilled. I would feel bad for him that he even had to, but I would mourn my loss of privacy. I would never ever put them out on the street, and I would make them feel welcome, but my ultimate goal would be for them to get it together and move out again.

Oh my goodness, I know people like the bolded part. Grandma has the kids 5 days a week. If husband goes out of town, mom sends the kids to grandmas overnight because she "just can't handle the kids by herself". WTF? why did you have kids then? The kids are with Grandma more than they are in their own home and the effects are starting to show. the younger one cries whenever he has to go "home" because it's not really home. sure all his stuff is there but he's not there much. now of course this is partially grandmas fault too as she just won't say no but I get where she is coming from. she doesn't say no because she feels like she is the only stability in the kids lives and if she says no to the parents, the kids might feel lke she doesn't want them or love them.

Basically, she retired and became almost a full time parent again.

[Taqroy]

Originally Posted by stafinois

I side with the parents because I can't imagine doing such a thing. I've lived on my own for 18 years, though.

Pretty much this (only I've been out of my parent's house for 8 years).

And I would hazard a guess that the main reason for not going to court when a kid breaks a contract is because of what Cali said - they're worried they'd have no relationship with the kid afterward. My SIL lives in a townhouse that my MIL bought. She pays about half of what she should in rent. They have a contract in place but my MIL would never ever take her to court over it because she's afraid SIL would take her kid and move in with her incredibly sleazy boyfriend and they'd never get to see him.

And my SIL is mind bogglingly ungrateful. She owes her parents thousands of dollars (from her divorce and from being bailed out of jail/lawyer fees), lives in their townhouse for cheap, accepts money to go to school for the third time, and yet acts like her parents owe her everything. Admittedly, part of that is on her parents. If they'd stop bailing her out maybe she'd figure her life out.

[JacksonsMom]

Originally Posted by JustaLilBitaLuck

I'm living at home rent-free. My mother is helping me by allowing me to live here, rent-free, and I'm grateful for that. However, I don't think my being here is a financial burden on her - the rent/utilities would be the same whether I was here or not. I work full time, I'm going to school, I pay for all my own "stuff" (groceries, car insurance, cell phone, clothes, etc). I do the majority of the housework (simply because I like it). And in this situation, I don't feel guilty at all. And I don't think there's anything wrong with adult children living at home while they work and/or go to school as long as they're contributing.

I do think something is wrong with adult children living at home while they're not working, not going to school, not DOING anything except living off of their parents. I couldn't imagine being married and living at home (with the exception of an emergency or temporary situation). One, I think getting married really says "I'm an adult, I'm independant"...and two, I think I would more...privacy...than living with parents!

I don't know all the specifics of this situation, so I can't say whose side I'm on. But I know my mom wouldn't care if I spent money on a vacation (whether I saved up or got a bonus or whatever), and I wouldn't feel guilty about it.

This! Basically my situation too.

I think in my case what makes a difference too is that both of my parents have young children still (my dad and stepmom have a 9 year old, mom and stepdad have a 5 year old) so it's not like they're not getting a chance to ever be alone, or do their own things, etc... so it really doesn't make a difference to have me there, lol. If anything, they're both unhappy in their marriages, and often beg me to be there. lol. My moms always like "oh man, you're going to your dads for the weekend?!" hahah. I almost feel guilty thinking about moving out.

So I think it's just highly dependent on the parents, the 'adult children', etc. I don't expect anything from my parents, but they do enjoy helping me out, and I am dependent on them. I don't know how I'd survive if I was having to work full time to support myself, buy/rent a house, groceries, bills, car payments, etc. and go to school. I am so respectful of those who do it, because I can't imagine and I am so thankful I have the kind of parents that I do. With that said, I am 22 and single. I think if I were married, they maybe wouldn't be so willing to support me. Not that they wouldn't help, but just... I think if you are old enough to get married, you should be old enough to at least somewhat support yourself.

I often spend my own earned money on silly things that I probably shouldn't... but I don't really feel guilty about it. My parents don't care either. The money that I'm making now is so small, I wouldn't really have much to live on if I was constantly putting a lot away to save. I do pay for my cell phone, half of my car insurance, groceries, and I pay for a lot of my schooling with some help. I'm just kind of waiting until I graduate and hoping I find a decent job that will allow me to move out. My dad has told me he will certainly help me when the time comes to look for a place of my own, especially initially.

[~Jessie~]

Originally Posted by stafinois

I side with the parents because I can't imagine doing such a thing. I've lived on my own for 18 years, though.

Same here, but I've only been on my own for 9 years. I couldn't imagine living at home, while married, and taking an expensive trip. I'd feel like I was slapping the parents in the face.

[ruffiangirl]

But in this situation the parents are upset, of the parents didn't mind the kids would t have been on the radio whining about it.