Dog Site - Dog Stuff
Dog Forum | Dog Pictures

Go Back   Chazhound Dog Forum > Dog Forum News > The Fire Hydrant


Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #21  
Old 02-14-2013, 10:53 PM
Greenmagick's Avatar
Greenmagick Greenmagick is offline
Top Dog
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 3,061
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Greenmagick View Post
I think you can love more than one person at a time but I also think most people in healthy relationships "catch" it before it gets that far.

I am all for being honest in a relationship but in this situation I dont see how admitting this would help at all.
Should clarify this....I think the person who is having feelings needs to fix it and figure out quickly what they want. I think they need to work on their current relationship. I dont know though that telling them they have feelings for someone else actually benefits anyone.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 02-15-2013, 01:11 AM
Romy's Avatar
Romy Romy is offline
Taxiderpy
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Olympia, WA
Posts: 9,972
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fran101 View Post
Oh we are talking literal immediate reactions?

Likely this.


I agree with Greenmagick though. Having feelings for other people was never anything I experienced while in a relationship so it never came up, but if it did the first thing I would do is cut off all contact with that person and concentrate on improving my relationship with my SO.

It kind of depends though. If you're married I think the relationship and people involved deserve going to heroic lengths to work it out, as long as there isn't any abuse going on. If you're just dating? Maybe that's a sign that the relationship isn't intended to be long term. Maybe it's just a trial leading to a long term relationship. All that stuff can only be answered on a case by case basis by the people involved.
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 02-15-2013, 05:39 AM
CharlieDog's Avatar
CharlieDog CharlieDog is offline
Rude and Not Ginger
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Georgia
Posts: 9,137
Default

Im glad someone mentioned poly relationships. Because I think loving more than one person is completely possible. Now, cheating is different but that doesn't sound like what's going on here..
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old 02-15-2013, 10:54 AM
Airn's Avatar
Airn Airn is offline
Top Dog
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Bentonville, AR
Posts: 986
Default

This has happened to me. It didn't go over well.

My boyfriend had feelings for an ex. He didn't want us to break up, but he wasn't sure if his feelings for her were less than his feelings for me. It was almost like a competition. I told him she could have him, since I'm not into competing for love.

I think you can have feelings for two people (or more, I guess) at once. It depends on the person. I'm not cool with my boyfriend having another girlfriend, so that wouldn't work out. I don't understand poly relationships (not against them at all, I don't really care) but there are many things I don't understand. But, from what I've seen/heard poly relationships have just as many 'rules' as a mono relationship. Like, you can't just sleep with anyone and all of the...members of the relationship get a say. I'm sure it's different for everyone, but still, rules.

I do think if this happened in many (maybe most) relationships, it would have negative reactions. I'm not a love conquers all person, though. It's nice to love someone, but it doesn't pay the bills
__________________

Australian Kelpie and Coursing Fiend~ 2
http://fuzzycircus.blogspot.com/
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Old 02-15-2013, 12:42 PM
Julee's Avatar
Julee Julee is offline
Aware
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Kent, CT
Posts: 2,878
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by CharlieDog View Post
Im glad someone mentioned poly relationships. Because I think loving more than one person is completely possible. Now, cheating is different but that doesn't sound like what's going on here..
I have too many poly friends to not mention it, hahaha.
__________________
If it makes you happy, and makes you proud, it's a pretty good investment.



Equinox Shadow Of A Hero CGC "Shadow"
Equinox Ain't No Rest For The Wicked CGC "Embyr"
Equinox Play Me Some Mountain Music "Copper"
Equinox Don't Feed It After Midnight "Bloo"
Reply With Quote
  #26  
Old 02-15-2013, 01:02 PM
joce's Avatar
joce joce is offline
Top Dog
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 4,182
Default

I think you can have these thoughts. The thought of a new relationship, the butterflies and what ifs etc are great. But to bring the doubt by actually bringing it up in your current one must mean you are seriously considering leaving. You fix it and don't cross that line. That's heartbreak to the other person.

I'd be upset. Kinda happened with us years ago and we split up for a long time. If we hadn't it eventually would have fallen apart anyway. But we also we not married at that point. We also got together at 15.
__________________


If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain
dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few
persons -James Thurber
Reply With Quote
  #27  
Old 02-15-2013, 08:08 PM
noludoru's Avatar
noludoru noludoru is offline
Bored Now.
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Denver, CO
Posts: 17,544
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by rks19 View Post
I would be totally heartbroken but them
Coming to me with it would at least tell me that they want to work it out with ME. I would make some stipulations like counselling and absolutely no contact with that person what so ever. My trust would be shaken but it can be rebuilt asI long as they are willing to work at it
I don't understand this. If it was just a crush? Your trust would be shaken? Even if nothing happened? Even with loving someone else I don't get that if they don't act on it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lyzelle View Post
If you love someone, you're with them and remove all others. If you love someone else, you end your relationship and move on. Period. Done. End. Anything else is nothing but selfish cowardice, and causes nothing but pain and hurt.
Absolutely not. If you love someone, you WILL be with THAT person. There is no first, second, or third place. It's all or nothing.
This is an opinion. It may be the majority opinion, but I don't agree and think that it being stated as a fact is offensive. I have loved multiple people at once - I would even say in love with two people at once. I still love one of my ex-boyfriends, in fact - he's a great person and when we broke up I didn't stop loving him. Just because you wont or can't tolerate it doesn't make it wrong or cowardly.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fran101 View Post
Crushes, sexual attraction..that's a natural human thing. We have hormones, we have feelings...these things happen.

I thought the issue was that the person LOVED another person. To me that is a choice and a strong emotional bond.
This as well. A crush, romantic love, and being in love are quite different. I have at least two crushes going on right now. Am I cheating? Umm no. Would the SO feel betrayed? No. Is having a crush a choice? I sure don't think so.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Samantha's pet View Post
And it's a turbo so it gets good mileage.
Reply With Quote
  #28  
Old 02-15-2013, 08:21 PM
sparks19's Avatar
sparks19 sparks19 is offline
I'd rather be at Disney
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Lancaster, PA
Posts: 28,311
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by noludoru View Post
I don't understand this. If it was just a crush? Your trust would be shaken? Even if nothing happened? Even with loving someone else I don't get that if they don't act on it.



This is an opinion. It may be the majority opinion, but I don't agree and think that it being stated as a fact is offensive. I have loved multiple people at once - I would even say in love with two people at once. I still love one of my ex-boyfriends, in fact - he's a great person and when we broke up I didn't stop loving him. Just because you wont or can't tolerate it doesn't make it wrong or cowardly.



This as well. A crush, romantic love, and being in love are quite different. I have at least two crushes going on right now. Am I cheating? Umm no. Would the SO feel betrayed? No. Is having a crush a choice? I sure don't think so.
My response was assuming something physical was happening in the OP's scenario and then also based on a personal experience. I just figured since the person felt the need to "confess" felt like some more than emotion happened

In the end, the OP asked "what would you do" and that is what we shared.
__________________
Quote:

“Meaninglessness does not come from being weary of pain. Meaninglessness comes from being weary of pleasure.”


G.K. Chesterton
“Family fun is as necessary to modern living as a kitchen refrigerator.” – Walt Disney






Reply With Quote
  #29  
Old 02-15-2013, 09:11 PM
Lyzelle's Avatar
Lyzelle Lyzelle is offline
Top Dog
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 2,713
Default

There is a definite difference between loving someone and being in love, in a committed relationship where you are in love with someone. A passing fancy, crush, feelings or love is simply not the same. In a committed relationship there is (or should be) a foundation of trust, security, and respect. You are entrusting someone to come to you about problems in the relationship, you feel secure in your position, and you respect their feelings, questions, concerns and general being. In that type of relationship, a celebrity crush or joking about how hot a co-worker is...it's trivial. You're happy and assured the relationship is stable and there are no fears or doubts.

To tell someone that their position is threatened shatters the security. Comparing their love to someone else's smacks of disrespect for their efforts and everything that relationship stood for. The trust is simply gone, as you have now bypassed talking about a possibly dying relationship and any problems. You've simply decided the person isn't worth it, and you'd rather cut things in a "This person is better than you, you are no longer good enough" type of way. That is selfish and cowardly. To question it, "Maybe I love you more, I think, possibly you might be good enough" is worse. You aren't even considering the other person at that point. You haven't cut the relationship because your position has changed with your partner. It's because you've allowed someone else to come in and get in the way. You've abandoned respect, security, and trust for that person. It's now only about YOUR feelings and position. Selfish.

In no way was I trying to say the feelings can't be there. Just that a commitment is more than just feelings. And you commit, or you don't. I find little wiggle room there.
__________________
Zander and HarleyQuinn
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 09:51 PM.


©1997-2013 Chazhound Dog Site