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View Poll Results: How are disagreements gotten over at your house?
A simple apology is enough. 40 93.02%
Labor or service normally fixes the problem. 0 0%
GIFTS!!! Who doesn't love gifts? 0 0%
A combination of the above. 3 6.98%
Voters: 43. You may not vote on this poll

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  #31  
Old 02-01-2013, 11:01 PM
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CharlieDog CharlieDog is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fran101 View Post
What's really awesome about my messed up brain is that..

1. If you yell at me, I will cry
2. If I yell at you, I will cry

guaranteed.
It makes for interesting arguments lol my body does NOT respond well to hostility.

My SO has a theory that this is my body's defense mechanism. As someone who avoids confrontation at all costs.. like a dog who goes on his back or that lizard that shoots blood out of it's eye or a possum who fakes dead..

NOBODY wants to fight the crying girl
Bwahahahaha. That's totally me too! If I get REALLY angry even, I will cry. I fvcking HATE CRYING and it makes me SO MUCH MADDER that I'm crying.
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  #32  
Old 02-02-2013, 08:49 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fran101 View Post
What's really awesome about my messed up brain is that..

1. If you yell at me, I will cry
2. If I yell at you, I will cry

guaranteed.
It makes for interesting arguments lol my body does NOT respond well to hostility.

My SO has a theory that this is my body's defense mechanism. As someone who avoids confrontation at all costs.. like a dog who goes on his back or that lizard that shoots blood out of it's eye or a possum who fakes dead..

NOBODY wants to fight the crying girl
Quote:
Originally Posted by CharlieDog View Post
Bwahahahaha. That's totally me too! If I get REALLY angry even, I will cry. I fvcking HATE CRYING and it makes me SO MUCH MADDER that I'm crying.
OMG that is so me I HATE crying! It doesnt help that my SO wont respond to my yelling he just sits there silent drives me nuts
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  #33  
Old 02-02-2013, 09:02 AM
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PWCorgi PWCorgi is offline
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Ryan and I really don't ever fight/argue.


Occasionally we (and by we I mean me) will say a sharp comment. But I feel bad, like, *instantly* and apologize.

We have only had one real, not resolved that hour, type of argument, and that was in like the 3rd month of our relationship when I was still in PA, and it was really more of a misunderstanding than anything. That was the ONE TIME, lmao.

I couldn't be in a relationship with a fighter. I don't even like when OTHER people fight, it makes me very uncomfortable. I also can't stand if I think people are mad at me, it makes me very uneasy.
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  #34  
Old 02-02-2013, 09:09 AM
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Here is a good video from Dr Emerson Eggerichs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=McpFBasK1Ks

I wish I could find more of his love and respect series online. It is REALLY eye opening and really gets to the core about misunderstandings between men and women and how they communicate. A few people here have mentioned about how they want to keep going until resolution or keep being angry and it drives them nuts when the guy shuts down, stops talking, or leaves the room. He talks A LOT about this exact scenario (not in this video I posted but in the full series).

It's really one of the best communication lessons I've ever seen and he delivers it wonderfully with a lot of humor and TRUTH. It's not just for married couples either, it really can change the way you communicate with EVERYONE.

another snippet
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2zh6TPHWMsI

(I can't get the youtube embedding thing to work)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gnHm82SqE8E

I don't know if this one will work or not but this is about the "crazy cycle" and it's a good point
https://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=54869815971
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  #35  
Old 02-02-2013, 09:20 AM
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I can be a passive aggressive person at times (I'm a good Minnesotan). But I despise yelling angrily. I get upset about things, because that's normal, but I don't typically fight with people. Tim and I don't fight. It's really nice.
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  #36  
Old 02-02-2013, 09:32 AM
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Oh yeah, we don't yell at each other. We don't 'fight" in the traditional sense of screaming, yelling, stomping etc. We argue sometimes (though really not often) where we go back and forth "well what about this" "This' 'Well that's silly what about THIS" 'why are you being so negative' etc. just a back and forth exchange. Usually lasts about 15 minutes and then we both come to our senses and think WHAT THE HECK ARE WE ARGUING ABOUT. NOTHING lol. Sorry... me too.
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  #37  
Old 02-02-2013, 12:22 PM
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Samantha's pet Samantha's pet is offline
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Apology is fine. It's like pulling teeth to get one out of the hubs so I am more than happy with that, lol. Normally we just bicker or disagree and if it's literally just a disagreement we just have to agree to disagree and drop it. That is usually the situation. How can you apologize for having a different opinion or view of the situation? It is what it is. That's what most of our "fights" consist of and I am not going to apologize for my opinion, nor would I expect him to.

There's never really a clear situation where one of us does something "wrong". I mean, we both do what is expected of us and we never lie to each other so it's never really a case of "right" or "wrong" or being in "trouble" or anything.
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  #38  
Old 02-02-2013, 01:29 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fran101 View Post
What's really awesome about my messed up brain is that..

1. If you yell at me, I will cry
2. If I yell at you, I will cry

guaranteed.
It makes for interesting arguments lol my body does NOT respond well to hostility.

My SO has a theory that this is my body's defense mechanism. As someone who avoids confrontation at all costs.. like a dog who goes on his back or that lizard that shoots blood out of it's eye or a possum who fakes dead..

NOBODY wants to fight the crying girl
I do that, too, Fran. Alas, it doesn't work for me. I get even more mad when I cry because, well, I'm crying, and why am I crying, this is so stupid, why am I being an idiot and crying? and then I'm mad at myself and the other person and am just a messed up ball of issues. LOL

Quote:
I wish I could find more of his love and respect series online. It is REALLY eye opening and really gets to the core about misunderstandings between men and women and how they communicate. A few people here have mentioned about how they want to keep going until resolution or keep being angry and it drives them nuts when the guy shuts down, stops talking, or leaves the room. He talks A LOT about this exact scenario (not in this video I posted but in the full series).
I've read his book. Highly recommend it as well.
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  #39  
Old 02-02-2013, 05:27 PM
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Originally Posted by CharlieDog View Post
Bwahahahaha. That's totally me too! If I get REALLY angry even, I will cry. I fvcking HATE CRYING and it makes me SO MUCH MADDER that I'm crying.
I cry when I get my feelings hurt by my OH when we fight (because let's face it ... Sometimes people fight even the best couples fight).

But my first response is hostility when Im "threatened", I guess it stems from being horribly picked on as a child & also living at racetracks for so long.
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  #40  
Old 02-02-2013, 05:40 PM
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sparks19 sparks19 is offline
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Originally Posted by Dogdragoness View Post
I cry when I get my feelings hurt by my OH when we fight (because let's face it ... Sometimes people fight even the best couples fight).

But my first response is hostility when Im "threatened", I guess it stems from being horribly picked on as a child & also living at racetracks for so long.
That is a lot of peoples response... Hostility and it's why we often don't hear the persons heart and how they are feeling we just hear the things that make us defensive.

"when she feels unloved she responds without respect, when he feels he isn't being respected he responds unlovingly, when she feels he is being unloving she responds without respect, when he feels she doesn't respect him he responds unlovingly" and that is the cycle and arOund it goes until someone stops it and says I'm sorry and means it.
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“Meaninglessness does not come from being weary of pain. Meaninglessness comes from being weary of pleasure.”


G.K. Chesterton
“Family fun is as necessary to modern living as a kitchen refrigerator.” – Walt Disney






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