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  #101  
Old 01-03-2013, 03:06 PM
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Yeah don't contact him & he he contacts YOU don't take his calls you don't need this right now, if any of his family decide to be jerks then stop communicating with them As well.
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  #102  
Old 01-03-2013, 03:10 PM
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I have no problem with it being put forward as an option. I don't think kids should be your whole world but I **** sure think they should get more consideration than this one is getting. The last post sounds more promising (talking to a counselor is good) but if the established behavior pattern continues I don't see any kind of good environment for this kid.

So, you think that she should have this kid when she has a short term place to live, no money, no job, a thieving-cheating-manipulative ex boyfriend that is likely going to jail, and apparently the emotional maturity of a pre-teen? Wow.
I'm not hearing Dizzy say Barbara should have the kid in these conditions.

I'm hearing Dizzy say that none of us are trained professionals who have any business advising someone to abort a child based on some forum posts. Especially not someone in the emotional and mental state Barbara is in right now.

Barbara needs to be talking to a therapist
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  #103  
Old 01-03-2013, 04:02 PM
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Yes but she is not doing that & it worries me, it also worries me that a relationship ending out her in such an extreme state. I know breakups suck ... But her reaction seems a little extreme to me.
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  #104  
Old 01-03-2013, 04:18 PM
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Originally Posted by Danefied View Post
I'm not hearing Dizzy say Barbara should have the kid in these conditions.

I'm hearing Dizzy say that none of us are trained professionals who have any business advising someone to abort a child based on some forum posts. Especially not someone in the emotional and mental state Barbara is in right now.
You got all of that out of this?

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Originally Posted by Dizzy View Post
Seriously? People are suggesting she aborts her child..........?

I'm pro choice, but wow....

Wow.
Cause all I got was an admonishment that people are daring to suggest abortion. If you come on an internet forum with this kind of story you're probably going to get suggestions that may or may not be the best. That's what happens on the internet.


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Originally Posted by Danefied View Post
Barbara needs to be talking to a therapist
Yes. Definitely. If she'd been talking to a therapist from the get go we probably wouldn't even have this thread. And in case I haven't said it, Barbara, please keep talking to a therapist. They will be much more help than a bunch of strangers on the internet.

Danefied it's not that I think you're wrong. I think you're right actually, I just don't think that's what Dizzy said or meant since it's pretty common for her to come into a thread and tell everyone how badly they're behaving. And I haven't seen anyone saying "DUDE abort your baby!!". I have seen "Hey, you should consider your options, these are what I see".
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  #105  
Old 01-03-2013, 04:21 PM
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Its been what, a couple days since she found this out....on top of still reeling from finding out about him being a thief and being arrested? Geez people, it takes TIME to figure this stuff out and get over it. I am glad all of you all are so good at getting over things and can bounce back so quickly....not everyone can.

I am NOT saying Barbara is in a good place right now or that she doenst need to kick it into gear. She definitely does....but to extrapolate this, the first couple weeks of a MAJOR life change as indicative of how she will parent? That is sad to me.
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  #106  
Old 01-03-2013, 04:31 PM
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Originally Posted by Greenmagick View Post
Its been what, a couple days since she found this out....on top of still reeling from finding out about him being a thief and being arrested? Geez people, it takes TIME to figure this stuff out and get over it. I am glad all of you all are so good at getting over things and can bounce back so quickly....not everyone can.
This. Just pause for a moment and really look at the situation. It's easy to come up with "solutions" when you're on the outside looking in, but when you are actually going through all of this crap? Not so much. She's not exactly in the best state of mind! She's bipolar, has anxiety issues AND she's pregnant. Cut her some slack!! Yes she needs to buck up and do what is best for her and her baby, but from what I'm reading, she is trying to do that. Just not fast enough for all of you who obviously have everything figured out and would never make a mistake or find yourselves in a bad situation because you are all so great at life. Blah, I don't know what I'm trying to say any more. I'm done. Saxon is pawing at my leg and offering me a toy to calm down. So I guess I'll go play with him now.
  #107  
Old 01-03-2013, 04:31 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Greenmagick View Post
Its been what, a couple days since she found this out....on top of still reeling from finding out about him being a thief and being arrested? Geez people, it takes TIME to figure this stuff out and get over it. I am glad all of you all are so good at getting over things and can bounce back so quickly....not everyone can.

I am NOT saying Barbara is in a good place right now or that she doenst need to kick it into gear. She definitely does....but to extrapolate this, the first couple weeks of a MAJOR life change as indicative of how she will parent? That is sad to me.
Agreed.
Unlike some other Chazzers here, nobody knows Barbara in person... all we have is her posts here. And she hasn't been here very long either so it's not like we have a long track record of getting to know her. I think it's a little premature to make major judgements on how she will be as a parent.

I also think saying "I wish my mom had killed herself" and "Barbara reminds me of my mother" is incredibly INCREDIBLY damaging to say to anyone, but especially to somebody who is obviously in a bad place right now.


I do 100% agree that Barbara needs additional help here and I hope, Barbara, that you remain in touch with a therapist. I hope your OB/GYN is being helpful as well. And I think it's wise to search out a good pro bono lawyer to help you too. There are so many people out there who can help you. You're not alone, and even though I know you have gotten some harsh responses here, many of them come from a place of wanting to help you get out of a bad situation rather than hurt you. Tough love is one approach to dealing with people - not always the correct one but it is how some people function.
I have lots more to say but really it just comes down to you clearly need support, and I hope rather than shut yourself off, you seek it out. Because the support is there for you. It's here for you too if you want it.
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  #108  
Old 01-03-2013, 04:35 PM
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Originally Posted by Greenmagick View Post
Its been what, a couple days since she found this out....on top of still reeling from finding out about him being a thief and being arrested? Geez people, it takes TIME to figure this stuff out and get over it. I am glad all of you all are so good at getting over things and can bounce back so quickly....not everyone can.

I am NOT saying Barbara is in a good place right now or that she doenst need to kick it into gear. She definitely does....but to extrapolate this, the first couple weeks of a MAJOR life change as indicative of how she will parent? That is sad to me.
This x100

Some of these posts have just been...wow....Threads like this make me glad I've never posted details on here about the worst moments of my life...
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  #109  
Old 01-03-2013, 04:36 PM
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Originally Posted by Beanie View Post
Agreed.
Unlike some other Chazzers here, nobody knows Barbara in person... all we have is her posts here. And she hasn't been here very long either so it's not like we have a long track record of getting to know her. I think it's a little premature to make major judgements on how she will be as a parent.

I also think saying "I wish my mom had killed herself" and "Barbara reminds me of my mother" is incredibly INCREDIBLY damaging to say to anyone, but especially to somebody who is obviously in a bad place right now.


I do 100% agree that Barbara needs additional help here and I hope, Barbara, that you remain in touch with a therapist. I hope your OB/GYN is being helpful as well. And I think it's wise to search out a good pro bono lawyer to help you too. There are so many people out there who can help you. You're not alone, and even though I know you have gotten some harsh responses here, many of them come from a place of wanting to help you get out of a bad situation rather than hurt you. Tough love is one approach to dealing with people - not always the correct one but it is how some people function.
I have lots more to say but really it just comes down to you clearly need support, and I hope rather than shut yourself off, you seek it out. Because the support is there for you. It's here for you too if you want it.
THIS. Absolutely this.

I understand it can be frustrating looking in from the outside and thinking logically when the person experiencing is running on pure emotion but we need not totally kick her when she's down. YES she needs to think about the baby and take care of herself and move on but is beating her over the head and telling her things like Beanie mentioned here going to help her or hurt her? It's certainly not helpful and it most certainly could do a lot of harm.
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  #110  
Old 01-03-2013, 04:38 PM
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Originally Posted by Taqroy View Post
Yes. Definitely. If she'd been talking to a therapist from the get go we probably wouldn't even have this thread. And in case I haven't said it, Barbara, please keep talking to a therapist. They will be much more help than a bunch of strangers on the internet.

Danefied it's not that I think you're wrong. I think you're right actually, I just don't think that's what Dizzy said or meant since it's pretty common for her to come into a thread and tell everyone how badly they're behaving. And I haven't seen anyone saying "DUDE abort your baby!!". I have seen "Hey, you should consider your options, these are what I see".
This.

It says a lot about a person when their first option is to use the kid as a bargaining chip in order to get this guy back in their life....rather than actually do what is best for the kid.

She needs to get her priorities in order, now. With a therapist. With her OBGYN. With her parents (where she is currently living). And if she can't do that and wants only to get this guy back, then she needs to make some serious decisions about the life of that child.
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