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  #81  
Old 01-02-2013, 04:53 PM
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sillysally sillysally is offline
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Originally Posted by Greenmagick View Post
I was in a relationship when I was younger (17-19) that is similar to yours. Same name of the guy too :P

Its very easy when you are on the outside to see the signs, to get upset, to get frustrated. Its NOT easy when you are living it. If your Josh is like mine was, he was a master manipulator and pathological liar. Someone would tell me "Oh, he told me he is trying to break up with you"...I would confront him and get "I did think that, I was so confused. But I have realized I really love you blah blah blah." Hell, right before we broke up he was asking me to move out of state with him, we were researching apartments, schools, etc. I was sending out applications even. Then I didnt hear from him for a couple days (as was consistent to his pattern) and when I finally did get a hold of him, yep, a girl answered (NOW know that was part of his pattern too).

He was (well, is I am sure) bi polar and has a whole host of other issues. Living with the ups and downs, it gets really hard to see whats real. I feel for you, I do. Your whole world has turned upside down, you lost someone you thought to be your life, etc.

HOWEVER, I can promise, once you get some space and clarity you will realize how f'ed up the whole situation was. You will emerge stronger and better for rising above the drama.

Also, because you are pregnant, yep, you got to suck it up buttercup. Its ok to be hurt, its not something you can control and its normal. BUT you do have to figure out like now healthy ways to cope.
This. I think it is incredibley easy to judge the situation from behind the computer screen, but a much different story to live it.

First thing you have to get some nutrician in you. Pediasure, Boost, etc, as well as any nutricious solid food you can get down. Your body is likely stealing nutrients from itself to nurish the baby right now. Peanut butter toast, grilled chicken, eggs, yogurt, and whatever fruit or veggies you can stomach and wash it down with the Sprite to help settle your stomach. Are you sure the vomiting is emotional or could it have a physical cause you should be seeing your OB about?

I know this sucks and I'm not going to sit here and tell you that you need to just be able to snap your fingers and get over it. However, you do need to learn healthy ways to deal with this and you must be focused like a laser beam on this unborn child even though it will mean focusing through a considerable amount of hurt in the beginning.
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  #82  
Old 01-02-2013, 05:41 PM
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I said it on your other thread but I will say it again. You are going to hurt a while. Period. No way around it. If all the keeps you going right now is the hope he will come back-fine. But as you heal and learn to love you that will fade, I promise. Sometimes it takes a couple months and sometimes it takes a year. But there comes a point where you will realize you get up and make breakfast without crying(and then you will probably cry more!) and a day will go by and life will go on.

You do just have to slap a smile on and go on. You can not raise a child in the woe is me environment. I have a friend that was raised like that and if I could show you whats its done to her I would. She is now back in her moms home, just had a baby(almost exact same situation as yours but her babys dad was dating someone else but didn't tell her till she ended up pregnant)and its going to be a house of three bitter women. Its sad. there is no happiness in that house. You have to love you and love that child and go get yourself into some counseling. There are clinics that get money from the state and you can go in on a sliding fee scale. Just talk to someone.

Love him as the father of your child but he is not the man for you. You can find someone who will treat you better and be there for you and your child on a daily basis, who will teach your child right and wrong.

This is a crappy situation I would never wish on anyone. But you will get through this. This will show you who your real friends are, who you can trust in life. Grab onto your family and friends. Reach out to people and the resources that can help you.
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  #83  
Old 01-02-2013, 07:25 PM
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Go home to your parents. Let them help you. Step back from all that's going on, and just involve yourself in the necessary day-to-day activities at your parents. Eat well. See your OB. Take a daily walk and just look at all that's arond you. Start a "Give Thanks" journal, and each day right down the things you have in your life and are thankful for. Even on your worst days, write even if you only write one thing (you have parents that love you and support you, you'll have a roof over your head and food in your belly, you'll have doctor care for your unborn child, etc.). You'll be surprised (I was) at how quickly you realize your view if the world has changed when you focus on all that you have instead of all that you don't have (no, it's not a magic pill that makes everything all better, but it does help).

This guy didn't just suddenly change. One doesn't start stealing with such large items, especially those requiring such premeditation to get the job done. One doesn't just start cheating and withdraw so suddenly after the first offense.

This guy is no good for you. This guy may be downright detrimental to your child. If you care nothing for yourself, at least do right by your child.

In Louisiana, you can/will get Medicaid for your child (up to age 18), and for you as long as your pregnant. You can/will get WIC, and you probably qualify for government assistance benefits (LA Purchase card). Take advantage of those programs to get yourself away from this guy, who has told you and shown you in so many ways that he cares little to nothing for you or the child. Use this aid to strengthen yourself and make a new life for yourself.

It's not going to be easy. But it will be more than worth it. Just think of how you'll feel in 5, 10, 15 years from now when you look back to this point I your life and are able to smile and say. "I did it. I really did it.", as you give your son or daughter a hug.
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  #84  
Old 01-02-2013, 07:43 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sillysally View Post
This. I think it is incredibley easy to judge the situation from behind the computer screen, but a much different story to live it.

First thing you have to get some nutrician in you. Pediasure, Boost, etc, as well as any nutricious solid food you can get down. Your body is likely stealing nutrients from itself to nurish the baby right now. Peanut butter toast, grilled chicken, eggs, yogurt, and whatever fruit or veggies you can stomach and wash it down with the Sprite to help settle your stomach. Are you sure the vomiting is emotional or could it have a physical cause you should be seeing your OB about?

I know this sucks and I'm not going to sit here and tell you that you need to just be able to snap your fingers and get over it. However, you do need to learn healthy ways to deal with this and you must be focused like a laser beam on this unborn child even though it will mean focusing through a considerable amount of hurt in the beginning.
Quote:
Originally Posted by joce View Post
I said it on your other thread but I will say it again. You are going to hurt a while. Period. No way around it. If all the keeps you going right now is the hope he will come back-fine. But as you heal and learn to love you that will fade, I promise. Sometimes it takes a couple months and sometimes it takes a year. But there comes a point where you will realize you get up and make breakfast without crying(and then you will probably cry more!) and a day will go by and life will go on.

You do just have to slap a smile on and go on. You can not raise a child in the woe is me environment. I have a friend that was raised like that and if I could show you whats its done to her I would. She is now back in her moms home, just had a baby(almost exact same situation as yours but her babys dad was dating someone else but didn't tell her till she ended up pregnant)and its going to be a house of three bitter women. Its sad. there is no happiness in that house. You have to love you and love that child and go get yourself into some counseling. There are clinics that get money from the state and you can go in on a sliding fee scale. Just talk to someone.

Love him as the father of your child but he is not the man for you. You can find someone who will treat you better and be there for you and your child on a daily basis, who will teach your child right and wrong.

This is a crappy situation I would never wish on anyone. But you will get through this. This will show you who your real friends are, who you can trust in life. Grab onto your family and friends. Reach out to people and the resources that can help you.
Both of these are great posts.

Barbara, keep in mind there have been documented negative effects of malnutrition and starvation during pregnancy, one of which is increased rates of schizophrenia in children born to women suffering from malnutrition. Even if you can't be bothered to take care of yourself, do it for your baby.

Please get help for yourself and for your baby. Move in with your parents and please, please, please go see a psychologist who can help you turn your grief into something productive.
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  #85  
Old 01-02-2013, 08:03 PM
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I just want to say that, I think at this point, you really need to seek professional help for your emotional and mental well-being.

You weren't handling it in a healthy way, at all, when Josh first wanted to talk and said he didn't love you...nor when he was arrested, and now that he's left you, you're still handling it in a very unhealthy way. Nothing is going to make it hurt less, but your thought process and the way you're viewing this is definitely making it worse at best, and downright dangerous for your baby at worst.

If you don't have insurance, there are a lot of low cost and free resources for mental health. They can be tricky to find, and you won't get accepted unless you absolutely can't afford them yourself, but they are out there. Ask your OB for a recommendation. This should be one of the first things you do.
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  #86  
Old 01-02-2013, 08:10 PM
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I have been cheated on & dumped & never ever have I thrown myself on the floor & thrown what is essentially a tantrum.

Even if my current OH cheated on & dumped me I would never give him the curtesy of harming myself over him
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  #87  
Old 01-02-2013, 11:31 PM
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Malnutrition can also result in physical deformities such as cleft palate and/or cleft lip and spina bifida, as well as neurological deficiencies. Don't take this out on your baby. Don't.
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  #88  
Old 01-03-2013, 01:09 AM
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I am at my parents now. Not a very warm welcome.. Makes it a little harder. I was able to get a meal in me, though. Malyk is stressing out, but he will be okay.

I am going to meet Josh tomorrow at the old place and finish moving out and cleaning...

One moment I am okay, and the next I am in shambles. I do already feel a little better being here, though. My panic episodes aren't as frequent or as intense. We will see how I sleep tonight. The last few nights I have been waking up suddenly in full blown panic attack a couple times a night... So hopefully that won't happen tonight.

Josh has been talking with me today pretty nicely for the most part. He did fuss at me about not eating, and he said he was worried that I was more worried about him than my own well being... Which made sense. He's not a stupid guy.. He just. I don't know. His brother wasn't very nice, though. He was upset I didn't have the house 100% packed up and clean, so he was calling me useless and saying the reason Josh left me for Paige is because I always mooched off of Josh and because I got fat. Really hit home and really hurt. I don't think I would be as hurt if Josh wasn't with a new girl already. I just don't understand HOW he could do that to me... 3 years and he's already in someone else's arms and "in love" with them. How....

I spoke to an over-the-phone therapist today and he said the best thing for me to do is to get distance from Josh and for Josh to get distance from me. He said it could happen that Josh misses me and realizes what he did and lost and wants me back... But it is also likely that that won't happen and I need to learn to process that. He said there is no excuse for what Josh did... It was wrong and disrespectful and insensitive and it only shows that he is truly someone I shouldn't desire... I just don't know that yet. He said distance will bring clarity in that aspect, and I may come to be very happy without him and desire as little as contact with him as possible. He said my relationship with Josh sounds very toxic (the entire thing)... Like we both kind of took turns taking swings at each other... I just grew up and Josh didn't, and his final blow was the biggest and most painful.

I do need to process all of this. I know I will get better, but right NOW it is so hard. This has hit me like a ton of bricks. And some of you are right...no, my child isn't the first and only thing on my mind. He is and so is this girl. It keeps me awake and shaking and... Ugh.

I expressed one of my biggest fears to the therapist.. That I won't be able to love this baby. Because now, it's hard. Whenever I think of the fact that I am pregnant, an overwhelming sadness grows inside of me and I don't think what I should... I don't think "my baby"... I think "Josh's baby" and it only hurts. The therapist said this isn't uncommon in cases like this, and that usually it resolves itself as the pregnancy progresses and I start to recognize the baby as its own entity, and not an emotion or correlation to someone else. It frightens me most because that's what happened with my biological mother.. She didn't love me and gave me to my father. I am so much like her...

I weighed myself today and while I am glad for the weight loss... I know it's not good. I am almost 14 weeks pregnant and at 8 weeks, I weighed 264. I am now down to 228. /:

I thank all of you for taking the time to type what you do... And if you think I'm not listening, I promise that I am. I am doing everything I can to try to change my mental state of mind and figure this out. It's just not a snap your fingers kind of thing... I would love to be over this and move on.
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  #89  
Old 01-03-2013, 01:37 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Barbara! View Post
[A little back story in the panic.. At 11 years old I was diagnosed with very severe anxiety problems related to my Asperger's syndrome. I was also diagnosed with bipolar disorder and manic depression.]

I want the pain to stop so bad. I just can't grasp the fact that only two months ago he was going bed with me at night and kissing me... And now he won't even say he loves me anymore. He is with another girl. And she is skinny, with blue eyes, and... Crushes me. I want so bad to move on.
Coming from someone who has a depressive disorder, you need to be on medication. Please. It gets so much better. There are ups and downs, but they are not like unmedicated ups and downs. For what it's worth, manic depressive disorder and bipolar disorder are the same thing. If you are one meds, they are clearly not working like they should - you need to see someone who can help.

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Originally Posted by Grab View Post
I won't go so far as to say that you are not cut out to be a parent. I don't know you personally. What I can say is that if you are not willing to drag yourself out of the pitying state, get a job so that you can support the infant that will be in your care in a few months, start making a point to take in proper nutrition, and get help so that you can cope with the lemons that life likes to throw your way, please ask yourself honestly about whether you're ready to be a parent. If the answer is yes, it's time to start taking positive steps so that your child can have a positive light.
If the answer is no, you need to be considering other alternatives. Adoption or abortion. I'm sure someone will have a heart attack over the second suggestion, but here's the thing - pregnancy hormones wreak havoc on your mental state, and postpartum depression is horrific for women who don't have depression issues - it can be deadly for those that do. Is that a safe plan for you right now? Are you willing to take that risk? Do you have someone who can take care of the baby if you're hospitalized for it?

If you are unwilling to consider the latter, you need to at the very least start taking care of yourself so that the baby has a good chance to be healthy. If you choose to keep it, you owe it to the fetus growing inside of you take care of it as well as you possibly can. Malnutrition is inexcusable when you have access to food, and you need to talk to a doctor if you can't keep food down.
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  #90  
Old 01-03-2013, 03:29 AM
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This situation sucks! Its hard, its grinding and its painful. I'm sorry you are going through it and I hope it gets better quickly.
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