He cheated on me.

[spiffy]

Originally Posted by Hillside

You have a thief, a liar and a cheater out of your life. I'd say it's time to celebrate.

Agree!! Start over now that he is out of your life. Life may seem so bleak now but everything will turn out fine. After the rain comes sunshine.

[Dogdragoness]

@grab yeah Im always surprised that the other woman is always blamed when its the MAN who was really instrumental in the affair ... That the "other woman" has most likely also been lied to as well & in most cases is also being deceived.

[ACooper]

Originally Posted by Dogdragoness

@grab yeah Im always surprised that the other woman is always blamed when its the MAN who was really instrumental in the affair ... That the "other woman" has most likely also been lied to as well & in most cases is also being deceived.

I'm going to disagree.

While I DO agree whoever is in the committed relationship is ultimately to blame (they made a committment, they are sneaking around and lying, etc) I do not agree that "most" other parties are clueless or being lied to. In fact, I'd go as far to say VERY FEW cheating partners are in the dark.........whether that's their story when busted or not.

I've know far too many guys/girls who actively CHASED people in relationships.......I mean nearly to the point of stalking.......until they got what they wanted. STILL, the committed person has the majority of responsibility IMO.

If Kevin ever cheated (ROFL) I would hold HIM responsible........doesn't mean I'd be happy with the girl, but it is KEVIN who made promises to me, not her.

[milos_mommy]

You can get an order for child support during pregnancy, before the baby is born. ( you won't get money during pregnancy, but it will be taken care of and start immediately after the birth). Also, unless you and josh file paperwork separate from the birth certificate, he will not be on the birth certificate, even if you name him the father on the application.

[MicksMom]

Originally Posted by milos_mommy

...Also, unless you and josh file paperwork separate from the birth certificate, he will not be on the birth certificate, even if you name him the father on the application.

I think that varies from state to state. No matter, it's something that definitely needs to be looked into.

[MilliesMom]

Originally Posted by Grab

Firstly, he did not go to jail because he was on his way to her house..he went to jail because he's a criminal who couldn't be an adult and turn himself in.

She is not a homewrecker..he is. He chose to, again, not be an adult and clearly end a relationship (although it does sound like he hinted) before moving on to the next one.

Would you really want someone to stay with you simply out of obligation?

Why did he have sex (unprotected or not) with someone he wasn't in love with anymore? Because some guys are slimy and will have sex when it is available.

I would suggest getting a job or two now, while you're early in your pregnancy. Save up all that you can.

And yes, definitely make sure he is financially responsible for his child. Get a legal order, even if you're on civil terms.

I agree with this, especially the part about saving all that you can. You have a few months to get your ducks in a row, don't waste your time moping over him.

I am going to disagree with one thing that's been brought up. It's very unlikely you'll be able to keep your child away from his/her father just because he's a thief (and he's not convicted yet, is he?), liar, and a cheater. Right now you're pretty much stuck with him, and his family. As long as he and his family are not going to physically hurt your child, your best bet is not to burn your bridges. That's not saying you have to live in their back pockets, but you could offer to email his parents pregnancy updates periodically. Just make it clear that it will not become a conversation, it's in the interest of your child having a relationship with his/her family in the future, not YOU having anything to do with them.

Completely separate from the concept of support. You get your tush moving on setting up support and the beginning talks of visitation rights. There's still the likelihood that he'll be in jail when the child is born? Get the paperwork started as soon as the courts will allow.

[release the hounds]

Sometimes everyone has to live with their bad decisions.

Get rid of him, get working on the support order. It doesn't just happen and it takes some time, so get going on it now.

Most likely, if he wants to be around, you're going to have to let him be involved. It might suck, but it is how it is. Although women have it so much easier when it comes to this than men do, that is for certain. So he might not get much contact if he wants it.

[release the hounds]

Originally Posted by eddieq

Barbara, what I said about making sure he is financially responsible, I mean more than just a verbal promise from him that he'll "send you money". In my EXTENSIVE experience on the matter, those verbal promises are not worth the paper they are printed on. He will send a decent amount for a few months, then he'll miss a month with an excuse that he's not working, then he'll send a partial amount with a promise that he'll "send more when I'm able" then the money stops entirely. I have seen far too many good friends screwed over hard and watched them simply "take it".

If I were you, especially given his proven issues with honesty, I'd get a court ordered support plan. If he doesn't pay, the state will dock his wages for it. If he works "under the table", send the sheriff to his place of work to serve him.

Get everything in writing and official. This is not to be vindictive, not to "feather your nest", but to provide for your child.

Especially this, 1000x's over

[stardogs]

In addition to what other people have said about this situation, please let your OB/midwife know that your ex-bf was cheating on you and you were having unprotected sex - you will likely need to be screened for STDs/STIs to make sure your baby isn't put at risk during gestation and/or birth. I know he said that he hasn't had sex with this woman, but he's already lied too many times to count.

[MilliesMom]

Originally Posted by stardogs

In addition to what other people have said about this situation, please let your OB/midwife know that your ex-bf was cheating on you and you were having unprotected sex - you will likely need to be screened for STDs/STIs to make sure your baby isn't put at risk during gestation and/or birth. I know he said that he hasn't had sex with this woman, but he's already lied too many times to count.

Oh gosh yes, THIS - before all else.