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Old 01-01-2013, 05:06 PM
Barbara!'s Avatar
Barbara! Barbara! is offline
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Join Date: May 2012
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Default He cheated on me.

Many of you remember my other thread about what happened between Josh and I...

Well, News Years Eve, he disappeared and wouldn't talk to me from about 11 AM. He texted at 6 PM, and said he was busy...

Towards 10 PM, I blew up his phone and he finally answered. Suddenly he was talking all of this crap about how we have "been broken up" and that he was "single" and how he was done and it wasn't going to work. It was all new... He'd never said any of this before. When I said that, he said "Yes, Barbara, I have said this before." And that's when I knew someone must be listening because that was a plain lie. I asked him (and have asked him almost every day for weeks) if he was cheating on me and seeing another girl, and he said no. He promised. But then he went on to repeat what he was saying and said something along the lines of "I've moved on". When I asked him to tell me what that meant, he said "I've been seeing this other girl...". At first he wouldn't tell me how long, or who she was, or anything... Only that he loved her and was done with me. Then he gave HER the phone. She was apparently expecting me to be civil. I was not civil at all. Apparently her name is Paige, and he went to jail because he got caught driving to her house. She said she's in love with him, knows all about me, and has been seeing Josh for two months, and has known him for three. He had told her that we were broken up, and all sorts of stuff. I tried to tell her otherwise, but she wouldn't listen. She is sucking up everything he says. He came back on the phone, and told me that he didn't want anything to do with anymore, and that he loves her...

I just don't get it. He claims when he met her, he was "over" me already. Funny, because he met her around the time I got pregnant. So he was having unprotected sex with someone he was apparently "over", but still said he loved? I call bullshit. I think he met this girl and THAT is why all of this "break" **** came up. He met her and chose puppy love over a three year relationship. He chose this girl over what is best for our baby. I told him that "When you found out I was pregnant, you should have just walked away. Told her you couldn't do it, because you had an obligation to me. Or hell, at least waited a little while before jumping into a new relationship!" He didn't even respect me enough to wait before getting involved with someone else. He claims they are "taking it slow" because of all of this... Yeah, sure, "I love you" sounds really ****ing slow.

I'm devastated. She doesn't see herself as the "other woman" or the homewrecker that she is. He even brought her around his family... So they know about her. His Mom is only making excuses for him. They all make me sick. He makes me sick. I still love him... And I hate it. I want these feelings to be gone. I want to hate him and hate him only. He is still talking about how he will "be there for the kid". I don't know. Why the hell would I want a liar, a cheat, and a thief influencing my child? He claims he cares about the baby... But he wasn't thinking about that when he was talking to this new girl, while still crawling into bed with me.

I keep flip flopping between being strong and hating him, to just wanting to beg him to reconsider and try with me and leave her. One moment I am thinking about my future without his chains, the next I am envisioning them together and breaking down. I am thinking I deserve better than this, then imagining what she has that I don't. Imaging hugging him one last time... Hearing his voice say he loves me... His eyes look at me softly...

My friends say this will only take time to get over. I want it gone now, so badly. They say he will lose her because he started their relationship on lies... And he will come crawling back. I hope not. I don't know if I would have the strength to turn him away.

I am so broken and alone. And I am still in this house and he is supposed to come and move me out today... But he hasn't shown his face yet and idk what to do. I want to be home right now, with my parents and people who love me, and away from him and this toxic house. I don't want to love him anymore and I don't want to have a child with him, but there's no way out of that that I can see....

I don't even want to exist right now.
"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself." -D.H. Lawrence

"Only when the last tree is cut, only when the last river is polluted, only when the last fish is caught, will they realize that you can’t eat money." –Native American proverb


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